| General Fiction posted February 28, 2025 | Chapters: |
...8 9 -10- 11... 
|
  |
I woke up this mornin' feelin' fine...
A chapter in the book No - Say It Ain't So!
No! Say It Ain't So! Ch 13
by Wayne Fowler
In the last chapters Trump (Phil) appointed two republican Congressmen to Executive Offices and convinced a Congresswoman to resign, flipping the House of Representatives to the Democrats (Hakeem).
Phil, as Trump, survived an evening with Melania. Later that evening he took an emergency call from Putin. Putin evidently was threatening to out Trump over some mysterious file. Trump threatened nuclear war. Demanding Koreans exit Ukraine.
Phil, as Trump, survived an evening with Melania. Later that evening he took an emergency call from Putin. Putin evidently was threatening to out Trump over some mysterious file. Trump threatened nuclear war. Demanding Koreans exit Ukraine.
Chapter Thirteen
Trump (Phil)
Trump (Phil)
On the fourth consecutive night as Trump, Phil was comfortably ensconced on the top floor of the Honolulu Four Seasons, certain that he’d made furious those deposed from the entire floor. When he awoke, he sent a simple text to Tom’s phone: ‘up?’. The Secret Service had by then learned to afford Tom full access. Neither cared what any of them thought. Tom made coffee that they enjoyed on the balcony. He did not require the secret code word since the real Trump would never have texted him.
“Feel anything at all?” Tom asked. “Wake up in the night for anything?”
“I woke once, at least. But no different from normal. A jet, maybe. But I sensed nothing.”
“Wish we could say that meant something, that it didn’t happen.”
I nodded, enjoying the pleasant atmosphere, the warm breeze.
“Mr. President, with yesterday’s chaos, I didn’t have a chance to pass on Hakeem’s gratitude. Great work, by the way. Too bad you can’t do the same to the Senate.”
I nodded. “Assumed. Look, the next time I’m switched… no, get Hakeem to do it now. Put together a box of books. I’ll make you a list. In the big one… Atlas Shrugged. Put in another burner phone with a charger. Tell Hakeem to have it hidden in the garage. There’s a small workbench. Make the box small enough to hide, though.”
Tom nodded. “I wonder, in the event you have a really big deal going on and you can’t afford for Trump to muck it up, what would happen if you didn’t sleep at all that night, took a pill?”
“I wouldn’t trust a pill. Don’t wanna go there, but I could call you. Play chess all night, or something.”
“Something to consider, is all. We just don’t know enough about it. Like if it would grab you as soon as you did fall asleep?”
“I thought about journalling. You know, to try to plot a trigger for the switching.”
Tom winced.
“Yeah, I remember when Hillary’s Rose law Firm billing register was found by the cleaning staff. Best to not write anything down.”
+++
“Okay, where are you with the Supreme Court?” I had the Vice President in the Round Office sitting in front of me like a schoolboy. Sitting in the chair that I’d had the legs cut short by two inches made him look up at me. Giving him a sense of comradery and with a nod toward team building, I apprised him of the Putin call, leaving out any reference to Putin’s folder.
“Well, sir, there’s nine of them…”
I thought about taking away his chair altogether, making him sit on the floor.
“… and I had to start somewhere, so I began with the most recently appointed, Ketanji Jackson.”
I sighed heavily, followed by that annoying sucking air between my teeth. I just couldn’t break that habit. I let him continue.
“In High School she wrote a story about her debate coach that could imply an inappropriate relationship.”
I gape-jawed him.
“And in college one of her term papers was strongly supportive of Marxism.”
That was it. Enough. “What about as an adult, something we can actually use? Did she kill anyone, rob any banks?
Perjury, lies, conflict of interest?”
“Well, actually, she recused herself from a couple cases that she would have been the swing vote.”
“Nothing else? Nothing? Move on.”
“So. Next is Amy Coney Barrett. Five kids.”
I slammed the pen I was fidgeting to the desk. He got the message.
“Nothing on her.”
“No perjury? Didn’t she reverse herself from her confirmation hearings?”
The Vice President crossed his eyes. Of course, he knew that I, well Trump, had appointed her to reverse Roe v. Wade.”
“Well, that’s not really perjury, it…”
“Next.” I knew he’d find nothing significant on Barrett.
“Brett Kavanaugh.”
“I handed you the hundreds of complaints myself. Investigations were practically done for you,” I quipped.
“Uh, we couldn’t reach most of them, the women.”
“Who paid off his credit card debt? Paid his country club fee? Where’d his quarter million down payment for his house come from? Did you ask him?”
“Uh, no we didn’t interview him.”
“Now, as I see it, everything is done but his answers to inquiries. What am I missing? And you’ll get those, right?
Next.”
“Neil Gorsuch.”
“He’s clean. Don’t waste your time on him. Next.”
“Kagan…”
“Jump up to Alito and his flags.”
“He said, she said. Just semantics.”
“Semantics? You think I don’t know that word?”
The Vice President, who’d been squirming, totally flustered, turned crimson.
“Okay, he might skate. Breyer, forget him. Move to Clarence.”
“Clarence Thomas, nominated by…”
I had picked up my pen so I could slam it down again.
“Sir, where…?”
I’m pretty sure the VP was going to ask where we were going with this.
“ProRepublica did all your work for you. Did you interview those people?”
“Uh, sir, where are we going with this? Thomas votes with us. He gave that Florida judge…”
“Look. I’ll be up front with you. I’m looking to the future. Thomas, I’m sure, at his age and me in office to nominate his successor, he’ll retire before 2028. But we can’t be sure we have the Senate after ’26. I’m like J. Edgar Hoover, but smarter.” I grinned a Trump grin. “Your report is to protect the Court, anticipate attacks. I’ll see Thomas gets a copy and get him to resign in ’26.
“Then is the beauty of my plan. I need someone we like, and who is young enough to stay there thirty, forty years. How old are you? See, if you followed me here in the Oval… And that might not be until ’32. But the people hate you. Ever since that Ohio thing.”
I almost slipped calling it the Oval Office, but he didn’t seem to catch it. He winced and began rapid-fire blinking at the gist of my remarks.
“Yeah. They hate your guts, believe me. So in ’28 you’re forty-four years old. You aren’t selling any more books, either. People hate you, so I’ll have a different running mate, someone who can win, but you’ll be set for life. See, if I put you in the Supreme Court now.”
“I don’t think…”
“No, you don’t. Who made you Senator? Who made you Vice President? Finish that report. And be sure to get the stuff on Roberts and his wife – conflict of interest stuff about what lawyers come before his court. He only gave me partial immunity. I want the rest. You’re nearly done, right? Am I right?”
“Yes, sir. Nearly finished. A couple weeks.”
“Weeks?” I asked incredulously.
“A few days,” he amended.
I nodded. “Oh, and don’t bring it until I make you an appointment. Wait until you hear from Betty that I’m ready for it.”
The Vice President nodded.
“What?”
“Yes sir. Not until you call for me.”
I reached out to shake his hand, giving his arm a power pull.
It's with a heavy heart that I post today, the day the President of my country made it plain that he now sides with Russia against our traditional allies. The news emasculates this light-natured work.
photo from FanArtReview: FamousHouse!20 by nikman
Phil Jansen: woke up one day as Donald Trump
Donald Trump: woke up one day as Phil
Tom McQuin: White House butler
Betty Goodman: White House Chief of Staff
Dr. Schweitz: White House doctor
Hakeem Jeffries: as himself, House minority leader
Kirsten: Trump press secretary
Robert Schlape: fixit man for Trump
Note: I began to add a short video of Trump in a CNN interview asking if he'd said that he'd called Pres. Zelensky a dictator, "I can't believe I said that." How fitting for this story!
Pays
one point
and 2 member cents. photo from FanArtReview: FamousHouse!20 by nikman
Phil Jansen: woke up one day as Donald Trump
Donald Trump: woke up one day as Phil
Tom McQuin: White House butler
Betty Goodman: White House Chief of Staff
Dr. Schweitz: White House doctor
Hakeem Jeffries: as himself, House minority leader
Kirsten: Trump press secretary
Robert Schlape: fixit man for Trump
Note: I began to add a short video of Trump in a CNN interview asking if he'd said that he'd called Pres. Zelensky a dictator, "I can't believe I said that." How fitting for this story!
Artwork by nikman at FanArtReview.com
You need to login or register to write reviews. It's quick! We only ask four questions to new members.
© Copyright 2025. Wayne Fowler All rights reserved.
Wayne Fowler has granted FanStory.com, its affiliates and its syndicates non-exclusive rights to display this work.
