| General Fiction posted March 15, 2025 | Chapters: |
...17 18 -19- 20... 
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I woke up this mornin' feelin' fine...
A chapter in the book No - Say It Ain't So!
NO! Say It Ain't So! Ch 25
by Wayne Fowler
In the last chapter Tom learns that the shooters were mere deer hunters, shooting a deer that their dog had chased. Tom pacified Trump and helped Phil return to the safe house.
Chapter Twenty-five
Tom
That evening, Trump was more immersed than ever in Bilbo. I couldn’t believe it. Trump was as excited as a six-year-old on Christmas Eve. I felt like he would jump on my lap for that night’s reading, which began before seven and didn’t end until almost eleven.
Bilbo went from Beorn the Bear to the Mirkwood Forest, which gave me jitters of coincidentalism. Trump didn’t like the spider web trap but enjoyed the river floating. He wondered if he should tell his Secretary of Defense about hiding men in whiskey barrels; the special forces might be able to use that trick. Trump was concerned about Smaug the dragon, wondering if he was from Iran.
+++
Phil
(White House)
I woke at four and phoned Tom. As long as it took for him to respond, I was afraid he had a short night and I was disturbing very much-needed rest. Too late now. Hanging up would only make it worse.
“Good morning, Phil. Using this number can only mean you are in the White House.”
“That’s right, Tom. We switched. You need more sleep?”
“Nah. I’m awake now. You need me to come in right away?”
“Not necessary. Whenever you’d like. I won’t go to the Oval until eight.”
“I’ll be in your residence by five,” Tom said.
“’Preciate it. See ya.”
We disconnected, and I went to the White House kitchen to make coffee. Not long after shaving, showering, and getting dressed, all orange in the face and hair duly sprayed, Tom arrived.
We had a quick cup of coffee, and I suggested we go outside for a stroll. I remember Nixon used to walk the grounds with Henry Kissinger for privacy. It was still a little cool, but we had jackets. The walk did me good in this heavy frame.
A Secret Service agent knew to stay out of range of listening.
“Wonder what he thinks of his aching feet?” I asked, smiling to myself. “This whole thing is so weird. Why me, I keep wondering. And what stops Trump from suddenly switching into someone else?”
Of course, I had no answers.
“I think that after a few days, when the switch might happen again, shouldn’t we go back to Hawaii or somewhere? But what if he switched into someone else? Then what? Did we just get lucky the last time?”
“No knowing, Mr. President,” Tom said. “But I’m thinking we just do the best we can with what we have. Hawaii was a good idea at the time. And it might have worked; maybe it did. We’ll never know. I’m not opposed to travel whenever you think… sense the necessity.”
I nodded and looked at Tom hard. “I don’t know what it is, but don’t let me have any hamburgers. Can you hear me farting?”
Tom laughed. “Yes, Mr. President. I do.”
We both laughed.
“I’m gonna get the ball in the lane today. Send it to the pins.”
It was a bowling metaphor. “I hope you have time for more than two turns with the ball. Because you have more than ten pins.”
I nodded. “Then let’s get to it. We turned around and headed directly toward the West Wing.
+++
“Betty. Good morning. Today, I want to see the Vice President. When you send for him, tell him to bring his report, complete or not. Oh, and Elon Musk. He’s still denied entry, correct?”
“Yesterday, you sent for him, Mr. President.”
“Well, I’m not ready for him yet. Keep him outside. He can cool his jets.”
Betty was not smiling. She was unhappy, I’m sure, that she was not included in treating Elon that way and also being kept out of my project with the Vice President. From all I understood, my bargain with Betty was that she would run the White House. I guess she included the Oval Office in the White House. Too bad. She looked at me as if I was responsible for all her anxieties.
She looked at Tom as if they were co-conspirators. I wondered but quickly dismissed the notion.
It turned out that Trump spent most of the previous day on the phone with some of his nominees and GOP senators and after hours on the phone with Elon Musk, who was returning to DC.
+++
“Good. Here, I’ll take that,” I said.
The Vice President reluctantly handed over two lawyer-size court case satchels. I imagined Trump had seen plenty of them in his day.
“You say you haven’t finished the John Roberts investigation yet. Fine. Might as well get on it.” I stood to usher him out. Tom was on the couch in Kelly Ann Conway’s place. I’m sure he felt the daggers shoot from the Vice President’s eyes.
As much as I know Tom wanted to see what he’d put together on Clarence Thomas and Bret Kavanaugh, he stayed back, letting me peruse it on my own. Protocol and propriety, as it were. I dismissed the V.P.
+++
“Hah!” I pulled thirty or forty pages from the report. “Tom? I need you to do me a favor. I need these taken to Hakeem’s office, handed to him personally. Let me get them in an envelope. Must be one around here somewhere.”
Opening drawers, I noticed one with some Executive Orders folders. I made a mental note to check those.
“Would you call him on your phone?” Tom did, handing the cell phone to me.
“Hello. Do you recognize my voice?”
“Yes, I do, Mr. President.”
“Our friend is bringing you a packet, an impeachment packet. You might wish to consider immediate action.”
“Thank you, Mr. President,” Hakeem said.
Tom and I weren’t able to talk privately until reading time that evening. It was hilarious, me walking into the President’s bedroom as if to read for Trump. But it was a good way to talk privately and perfectly within our routine.
I let him go early, before nine, knowing that he would be here shortly after three the next morning. The man deserved a medal.
+++
We were being more careful these days. Feathers were getting riled. There was too great a risk that kitchen conversation would be overheard or surveilled. We kept it light, with only extremely subtle hints of actual plans, mostly getting to know one another. Of course, I had to be careful of talking very much about my real life, Phil’s that is.
At about seven, we left the residence to stroll the grounds.
Later that morning, Betty charged in. “Mr. President! Impeachment charges have been filed in the House Judiciary Committee; Thomas and Kavanaugh!”
Before she could continue, I asked her for a copy of the charges. I had them in eighteen minutes. With her watching me, I underlined several lines on different pages. I didn’t care that she thought it peculiar that I could read quickly.
“Get me Justice Thomas on the phone,” I said. Seeing her brows lift, I told her that I didn’t care what it looked like.
“Clarence? You recognize my voice, right?... Good. You know what’s going on in the House, right?... Good… Well, you were going to retire this term… my term. So I could appoint your replacement. I know that you were. I mean, why wouldn’t you? You’re a smart man. Look. They’re going to get it done. And I see charges afterward. Tax fraud, perhaps. Fines and restitution. Look. I can make it go away. All of it. And a Freedom Award for you. But it would have to be before they start calling witnesses, depositions, and all that. Today would be best… Charges for certain. I happen to know it… Good. Copy Betty, and we’ll set it up.”
I hung up. The entire conversation was staccato, rapid-fire. I didn’t give him a chance to drawl on.
Betty had been on an extension, privy to the call. “Get Kavanaugh, would you please, Betty?” Her face was ashen. “Mr. President…?”
“I’m ready to talk to him now, Betty.” Just for the fun of it, I gave her Trump’s felon face. She didn’t deserve it, but the gravity of the moment required her to be an employee, not the queen of the roost.
Kavanaugh knew the score. He’d gotten wind of the Judiciary Committee’s actions and a copy of their impeachment charges. The Vice President had ferreted out the sources of the monies in question. Wanted a face-to-face meeting. Fine. He declined the Oval Office. Neither did he want me going to his. We agreed on his suggestion of a conference room in the Library of Congress. We could both get there by way of the tunnel connecting various government buildings.
+++
Kavanaugh insisted on privacy, just he and I. He started in on how I could make them, the Judiciary Committee, stop.
I ignored the notion, of course. “Bret, I heard it straight from an inside source.” I named three payers of the money. I knew that at least one of them had ownership of a company that had had a Supreme Court case heard.
“They’re going to subpoena over a thousand women. A thousand. Gonna send U. S. Attorneys and their teams around the country. Gonna run them through like a machine gun. It’s gonna be a slaughtering house, and you’re the only target.”
I gave him the same offer I’d given Thomas, with the same ceremony promise. “Gotta be today,” I said. “I can’t stop the depositions after today. We are fortunate that it all came out now. You would want me to be the one to name your replacement, right? Am I right? Come on, stay with me.
“I brought a letter already typed out. It isn’t on your letterhead, but that doesn’t matter. Here. You have a pen? Just hang on a second.”
I opened the conference room door and asked the two Secret Service agents in. “Bret, these gentlemen will witness your signature.”
Bret signed.
“Betty will advise you of the ceremony. And get you a copy of this.” I took it from him and placed it into the folder that I’d brought with me. He remained seated in the conference room as I left. My letter to the Senate Judiciary Committee was in my office waiting for me to sign.
photo from FanArtReview: FamousHouse!20 by nikman
Phil Jansen: woke up one day as Donald Trump
Donald Trump: woke up one day as Phil
Tom McQuin: White House butler
Betty Goodman: White House Chief of Staff
Dr. Schweitz: White House doctor
Hakeem Jeffries: as himself, House minority leader
Kirsten: Trump press secretary
Pate': 3rd daughter of the President
Robert Schlape: fixit man for Trump (using his real name, even here in FanStory, could be fatal)
Jeffrey McKnight: Mar-a-Lago member who owns a yacht
Sarah Huckabee Sanders: Governor of Arkansas
Tom Cotton: Senator from Arkansas
Pays
one point
and 2 member cents. Phil Jansen: woke up one day as Donald Trump
Donald Trump: woke up one day as Phil
Tom McQuin: White House butler
Betty Goodman: White House Chief of Staff
Dr. Schweitz: White House doctor
Hakeem Jeffries: as himself, House minority leader
Kirsten: Trump press secretary
Pate': 3rd daughter of the President
Robert Schlape: fixit man for Trump (using his real name, even here in FanStory, could be fatal)
Jeffrey McKnight: Mar-a-Lago member who owns a yacht
Sarah Huckabee Sanders: Governor of Arkansas
Tom Cotton: Senator from Arkansas
Artwork by nikman at FanArtReview.com
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