General Fiction posted March 25, 2025 Chapters:  ...23 24 -25- 


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I woke up this mornin' feelin' fine...
A chapter in the book No - Say It Ain't So!

NO! Say It Ain't So!, Ch 33-34

by Wayne Fowler


In the last chapter Trump (Phil) continues to confound people at Mar-a-Lago. Trump (Phil) gets a ring that might resemble the Hobbit’s ring of power. Phil and Tom manage to prevent, or simply avoid, a switching back of Trump into his own body.
 
Chapter Thirty-three
 Trump (Phil)
White House
 
Without speaking to anyone, I proceed directly to the residence on the third floor. The first thing I notice is that there’s no Tom. Of course not. He’s with Trump who is presently in my body, guarding him at the safe house.

It was 11:12 AM, Tuesday morning. I turned the television on to see that the Senate was voting on confirming one of the judges. I don’t know which one, or if it was the first or the second. The vote was going quickly. The count on the screen was awesome – only four against. Schumer and Hakeem got the word out. Of course, only Hakeem knew the whole story. 
 
Schumer told his people that they would not get better nominees.

I took the time to take a quick shower and fix myself up. I would soon be on National TV. No point in giving anyone wiggle room about the state of my health, mental or otherwise. It was nearly noon when I told my Secret Service detail to take me to the Capital Building, to the rotunda where Chief Justice Roberts was prepared to swear in the two new Justices. I stopped in the Oval Office, first greeting Betty. ‘I, Donald J. Trump...’ On White House letterhead, I scribbled and scrawled the resignation letter, Betty and two Secret Service agents as witnesses. The agents obliged my request that they print and sign their names. I didn’t bother with Betty who was screeching and squalling. One of the agents restrained her. I ignored everything.

“Fifty copies, please,” I said to an aide, handing her the resignation letter upside down. She and everyone in the wing heard Betty hollering that I couldn’t do that. It was only a moment later that the aide handed me a stack of copies. I pointed toward the original still in the copy machine. “Make more copies and pass them all around the West Wing, especially the press room. And hold on to the original with your life. What’s your name, dear?" 
 
"Angela.” 
 
I nodded, offering her as friendly a smile as Trump’s face was capable.

“Let’s go,” I ordered the Secret Service agents who stared, but never said a word.

It was a very short drive to the Capital, but somehow, I managed to lean back and take the tiniest power nap in history.
 
+++

(3rd person, omniscient)
 
At the same moment as Phil, in Trump’s body, had his tiny power nap, Trump, in Phil’s body, briefly nodded off on his feet, perfectly balanced. Tom never saw it happen.

 Trump and his entourage were admitted into the rotunda, the large area under the Capitol dome. Trump recognized everyone there, everyone but the two men standing before Roberts with their right arms raised. Trump heard them repeating their pledges and stood by solemnly. When he saw them shaking hands, he strode toward them, the stack of copies in his left hand. Instead of shaking hands, he handed the copies to one of the two new Justices who, after a quick glance, began distributing them to everyone. All the while, he shouted “I am Frodo Baggins of the Shire under the hill, I have inherited from Bilbo Baggins who went there and back again.” His hands empty, he reached into his pocket and withdrew the ring. “What does he have in his pocket?” he asked, mimicking Gollum’s voice. “He has my Precious!” 
 
Trump made a scene of slipping the gold ring onto his finger. “I’m invisible. You can’t see me!” Trump pranced about the room. “Merrie, Pippin, let’s go!” The two Secret Service agents followed him out the door.

During Trump’s display, mumbling quieted and then ceased. Everyone in the room had read a copy of the one-sentence resignation. Everyone in the room knew that even without the letter, Trump would be President no longer.

Hakeem pulled a small cell phone from his pocket, turning away from the crowd. “Hello?”  “Wait. You’re both there? You and Phil, the real Phil?” “Then the Trump here… He is the real Trump?” Hakeem ended the call as Chief Justice Roberts approached.

“Mr. President,” Chief Justice Roberts said to Hakeem. “Please place your left hand on this Bible, raise your right hand, and repeat after me.”
 
Chapter Thirty-four
 
Tom and Phil
(in Tahiti)
 
Tom
 
“Well, Phil. Looks like our new identities have come through, by the expression on that kid’s face.”

“He’ll be expecting a big tip, the way we’ve been hounding him the past few days.”

I watched as the resort’s bellhop made a huge presentation of handing Phil his large envelope first, then mine after having run through the sandy beach. We had been carrying twenty-dollar bills around with us just for this occasion.

“Open yours first, Tom,” Phil said. “You deserve it.”

We’d been through this more than once, recounting how President Trump suddenly appeared to occupy Phil’s body, and I, as the President’s butler, had the pleasure of befriending Phil in Trump’s body. We agreed that our result, Trump out of office and replaced by the Speaker of the House, who had only been the leader of the minority party, could never have happened without both of us playing our parts to perfection.

I opened my packet: “Bob Thayer,” I said. “Maybe it’ll grow on me. Got to admit, though, I like Tom McQuin better.” I showed Phil my passport, already stamped with trips to Canada, Japan, and Tahiti.

“Bill Johnson. Huh.”

“Not very creative: Phil Jansen – Bill Johnson.” I said, gazing at his similarly stamped passport. “Wonder how much money is in these accounts,” I mused, shuffling the credit cards and membership cards. The driver’s license says San Jose, California. I bet it’s an address between two houses.”

“I’m from Las Vegas,” Phil said. “Never wanted to go there. Probably won’t now, either.”

“You ever decide where it was you did want to go?” I asked.

“Not exactly. I’ve toured all over the Rockies. Maybe the Alps. After meeting my kids somewhere.”

I sighed deeply.

“You haven’t backed off Alaska?” Phil asked. 
 
“Nope. After what we’ve been through, shaking hands with a grizzly won’t be nothin’.”

We didn’t care who saw what, we hugged like brothers, congratulating one another.
 
+++
 
I was in a rented log cabin on Denali National Park, surprised that I had cell phone reception, more surprised that I got a call from Phil so soon. It’d been less than a week. I would have thought he was tired of me after three weeks in Tahiti.

“Hey man,” I answered. “You…” I’d started to make some smart-aleck response but was cut short.

“Tom! Can you get to Rome? I… I think I’m the Pope.”

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photo from FanArtReview: FamousHouse!20 by nikman

Phil Jansen: woke up one day as Donald Trump
Donald Trump: woke up one day as Phil
Tom McQuin: White House butler
Betty Goodman: White House Chief of Staff
Dr. Schweitz: White House doctor
Hakeem Jeffries: as himself, House minority leader
Kirsten: Trump press secretary
Pate': 3rd daughter of the President
Robert Schlape: fixit man for Trump (using his real name, even here in FanStory, could be fatal)

In the U.S., the Speaker of the House of Representatives is next in line to the Presidency after the Vice President. As it happens in this text, the V.P. position is vacant. (smiley face here)

Watch for more Tom and Phil adventures. (stand alone stories)
Pays one point and 2 member cents.

Artwork by nikman at FanArtReview.com

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