Monster Gold
A little Appalachian horror story6 total reviews
Comment from Kirsten Shonle
You story definitely held this readers attention. The progression of the horror was nicely written. The ending line is spooky. The creatures will likely go find their next victims. The imagery you used was great. I wish you much luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2025
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You story definitely held this readers attention. The progression of the horror was nicely written. The ending line is spooky. The creatures will likely go find their next victims. The imagery you used was great. I wish you much luck in the contest.
Comment Written 01-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2025
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Thank you for the lovely compliment
Comment from Karen Cherry
I know a 100 word story is hard to write. I have done it. But, honeybunch, there really was no suspense, therefore no horror. Suspense must build, and here there was simply no room to do so. I am sure in your brain it all was fine, because you had seen those shows, but, It rather sounded like Joe Friday from Dragnet reciting statistics. I can see really good bones here, but suspense and horror are almost impossible to do in this short form. With a bigger space to work in I imagine you could scare my hair white, keep at it. Karen
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2025
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I know a 100 word story is hard to write. I have done it. But, honeybunch, there really was no suspense, therefore no horror. Suspense must build, and here there was simply no room to do so. I am sure in your brain it all was fine, because you had seen those shows, but, It rather sounded like Joe Friday from Dragnet reciting statistics. I can see really good bones here, but suspense and horror are almost impossible to do in this short form. With a bigger space to work in I imagine you could scare my hair white, keep at it. Karen
Comment Written 31-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2025
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Thank you
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;-)
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
If ever the earth is invaded, then we will be no match to these monster aliens. I enjoyed your fun story about these wolf creatures, very inventive and entertaining, love Dolly x x x
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2025
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If ever the earth is invaded, then we will be no match to these monster aliens. I enjoyed your fun story about these wolf creatures, very inventive and entertaining, love Dolly x x x
Comment Written 30-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2025
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Thank you!
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
Your story had such a intense buildup - I loved it! The way the howling wolves kept getting closer really set the mood. The tension grew with every line. When things started going wrong - it felt like pure chaos! I could picture the fear spreading through the camp. The ending was so something else. You really nailed the horror!
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2025
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Your story had such a intense buildup - I loved it! The way the howling wolves kept getting closer really set the mood. The tension grew with every line. When things started going wrong - it felt like pure chaos! I could picture the fear spreading through the camp. The ending was so something else. You really nailed the horror!
Comment Written 30-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2025
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Thank you for the kind words!
Comment from Harambe iz ur Daddy
Hi author, this piece has potential as an action thriller. A little more specific action would help to increase the horror and realism.
The word count currently stands at 99, and the contest requires 100 words exactly (not 98-102 like some of the other contests). You'll want to fix this in time to not risk a disqualification.
A couple grammar edits:
Things then started happening, equipment got destroyed and men vanished after mysterious blood curdling screams. <= this is a run-on sentence, since both sections before and after the comma are independent clauses. Blood curdling should be blood-curdling becuase it functions as a dependent compound adjective ("blood" is a noun unless attached to "curdling"). You also could eliminate some vague redundancy: "things started happening". And "got" is a passive and vague verb. Compare to a more descriptive example:
"One night, men vanished to blood-curdling screams. Survivors awoke to discover their equipment torn and dismembered."
If you keep it as-is, perhaps put "...things started happening" as its own paragraph.
Hope this is helpful and hit me up if you revise to meet the length requirements. Best regards,
🦍
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2025
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Hi author, this piece has potential as an action thriller. A little more specific action would help to increase the horror and realism.
The word count currently stands at 99, and the contest requires 100 words exactly (not 98-102 like some of the other contests). You'll want to fix this in time to not risk a disqualification.
A couple grammar edits:
Things then started happening, equipment got destroyed and men vanished after mysterious blood curdling screams. <= this is a run-on sentence, since both sections before and after the comma are independent clauses. Blood curdling should be blood-curdling becuase it functions as a dependent compound adjective ("blood" is a noun unless attached to "curdling"). You also could eliminate some vague redundancy: "things started happening". And "got" is a passive and vague verb. Compare to a more descriptive example:
"One night, men vanished to blood-curdling screams. Survivors awoke to discover their equipment torn and dismembered."
If you keep it as-is, perhaps put "...things started happening" as its own paragraph.
Hope this is helpful and hit me up if you revise to meet the length requirements. Best regards,
🦍
Comment Written 30-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2025
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Thank you. This was very helpful.
Comment from kahpot
Excellent, yes, I think more would be great and maybe a wee bit longer
(I know this was limited) but this could be a great build for more chapters,
this is a wonderful entry for this prompt, very well written, best wishes for your contest****kahpot
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2025
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Excellent, yes, I think more would be great and maybe a wee bit longer
(I know this was limited) but this could be a great build for more chapters,
this is a wonderful entry for this prompt, very well written, best wishes for your contest****kahpot
Comment Written 30-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2025
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Thank you!
