| General Script posted March 30, 2025 |
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a scene with Pons and Ned et al
Scene of Cast Meeting 4
by Bill Schott
 Pons as Himself
Ned as Hisself Pez as The Law Pallas as Hamburger Victim Fox = as Felix Fine, PI Felix = as Fox Fine, PU
Matt as Witness
Jiffy as Second Witness GED (Ned's clone) as Suspect
Lois (Fox's girlfriend) as coroner
Scar (Pons' clone) as The Mayor
DED as Himself (Agent of Death)
The actors are assembled to read through the the first scene of the story, "Let's Get Intuit". In the office of Fox and Felix Fine an intruder, Pallas, has entered demanding money. The rest of the cast are seated or standing on the left and right facing each other, except Jiffy who has left to the next site to be a murder victim. Pons, Ned, and DED are on stage right and Matt and Pez are on stage left. Bill is a disembodied voice. ============================================================
Last scene:
Pallas : (pulls the gun out again) C'mon, dude. You are pushing this bank robbery into a double murder.
Fox : Murder!?
Felix : D-d-double m-m-murder!?
============================================
Bill: Okay, Fox, Felix, and Pallas, back to you. Action!
Ned: (shouts) Hey Ho there, Mister Bill!
Bill: Yes, Ned.
Ned: Er ya sure that that there pistola ain't got no bullets in it?!
Pallas : It's a prop gun, dummy.
Bill: Okay! I'm going to shut this down right now.
Pons: Let me shut him down.
Bill: Stay out of it, Pons.
Ned: Yeah, Cuz. I kin han'le myself.
Pallas : Step outside with me, Nut. We'll see who gets "han'led".
Pons crosses the stage to grab Pallas, but Ned steps in front of him.
Ned: I got this, Pons.
Pons: (smiling) You shouldn't have to deal with this scumbag, Ned.
Ned: It's him what's got ta deal wit me.
Pallas : I hope you packed a lunch, Noodle.
Pez: (stepping in front of Ned) He's my ride home, Ned.
Ned: (winks and nods) This'll jis take a sec, Pez.
Bill: Okay, let's get Matt to finish up this scene as the robber.
Jiffy: Hoo hoo, Matty; here's your big break.
Matt: I think Pallas took the gun with him.
Jiffy: (pulls a hand gun from a fanny pack) Here, you can use mine.
Matt: That's a real revolver, Jif. Do you have a licence?
Jiffy: Sure, it's in my wallet.
Matt: You have a firearms licence?
Jiffy: It's actually a fishing licence. but I am often shooting fish that are too aggressive.
Matt: You keep that weapon; I'll just point my finger.
Bill: While we're young, Matt. Okay -- action!
Fox : Aseninto!?
Felix : D-d-doble Ass-ass -eninto!?
Matt: Si, hombres.
Bill: Wait -- wait! What's with the Spanish dialogue?
Fox : We thought it might lighten the tone here.
Felix : Yeah, since Ned wants to fight everybody.
Pons: What!?
The door opens slowly and Ned enters the office. He is apparently untouched.
Ned: (to Pez) Ya might hafta do the drivin', Pez.
Pez steps past Ned and heads out the door.
Bill: Back to you, Matt.
Matt: (pointing his finger at Felix) Let's get the money belt up here, buddy.
Fox : Yeah, man. Hurry up. This guy's got an itchy trigger finger.
Felix : Needs a manicure too.
Matt: Money belt!
Fox : Okay, look, dude. I have no money. This turd has no money either. Just turn around and go and we'll write this off as practice for your big bank robbery.
Felix : The first lesson was -- enter an actual bank.
Matt backs himself to the door, stops, grabs a handful of peppermints from a candy bowl on the desk, then slips out the door.
Fox : So, who do the cops think the murderer is?
Felix : General Equivalency Dude.
Fox : That's Ned Nuckledd's clone, right. Or is he an android.
Felix : All I know is the cops like him for the murder.
Fox : Is there a witness?
Felix : I hear there are two witnesses.
Fox : Is GED in police custody?
Felix : In the clink right now.
Fox : Okay, we will split up. You talk to GED and the public defender's office, and I will track down these two witnesses.
Felix : Who's going to the morgue?
Fox : Pick a number between one and ten.
Felix : Five.
Fox : No, it was nine. You check out the corpse and take some pictures if possible.
Felix : I think photographs are verboten.
Fox : Oh no! Forbidden! What shall we do, Felix?
Felix : I'll wear my trick camera glasses.
Fox : We have camera glasses?
Felix : That's what the script says.
To be continued...
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