Opening The West
This is what my piece of history would look like26 total reviews
Comment from nomi338
You had me all the way to the end. I was completely surprised by the outcome. That was some very fine writing. You just might have a future in this writing game. Sorry about the Indian Brave being so mean as to set you on fire.
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2020
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You had me all the way to the end. I was completely surprised by the outcome. That was some very fine writing. You just might have a future in this writing game. Sorry about the Indian Brave being so mean as to set you on fire.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2020
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Thank you very much. I appreciate you tasking the time to read and review my story.
Comment from Raul1
I like your piece of history story. He sure did fought off that bear and used him as a fur coat. Interesting story. Excellent work! No grammatical errors. Good luck on the contest!
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2020
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I like your piece of history story. He sure did fought off that bear and used him as a fur coat. Interesting story. Excellent work! No grammatical errors. Good luck on the contest!
Comment Written 16-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2020
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Thank you very much. I appreciate you tasking the time to read and review my story.
Comment from Ulla
Yeah I can sort of understand, to know the freedom of just be with nature and all your worries were in how many beaver skins you could collect. I wouldn't have liked the ending either. Great story, and good luck. Ulla:))
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2020
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Yeah I can sort of understand, to know the freedom of just be with nature and all your worries were in how many beaver skins you could collect. I wouldn't have liked the ending either. Great story, and good luck. Ulla:))
Comment Written 16-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2020
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Thank you very much Ulla. I appreciate you tasking the time to read and review my story.
Comment from richie b
Your ending certainly surprised me. I was imagining
myself in your characters shoes until the flaming end
was presented.
The freedom of the mountain man is inspiring.
But everything has its price. This should well in the
contest.
Peace,
Richie b
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2020
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Your ending certainly surprised me. I was imagining
myself in your characters shoes until the flaming end
was presented.
The freedom of the mountain man is inspiring.
But everything has its price. This should well in the
contest.
Peace,
Richie b
Comment Written 16-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2020
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Thank you very much Richie b. I appreciate you tasking the time to read and review my story.
Comment from Bobby Cunningham
A wonderful time that would have been to live, very unforgiving, but character building. The picture accompanying this story is absolutely perfect and reminds me of Daniel Boone. The story is well written with no grammatical errors. I realize that it's only a short story, but I wish there was more to read that's how entertaining it is. Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2020
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A wonderful time that would have been to live, very unforgiving, but character building. The picture accompanying this story is absolutely perfect and reminds me of Daniel Boone. The story is well written with no grammatical errors. I realize that it's only a short story, but I wish there was more to read that's how entertaining it is. Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2020
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After the contest take a look at my portfolio for more writing like this. Thank you very much. I appreciate you tasking the time to read and review my story.
Comment from nor84
The Contest announcement says: Write a flash fiction ( 350 words title not included ) about the historical event you wish you had lived through. What would it have been like, do you think? Share your impressions in your flash fiction.
I counted a few words less than 350. Use the counter on your computer. Fanstory's counter isn't accurate. I counted 347 words here. Good luck.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2020
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The Contest announcement says: Write a flash fiction ( 350 words title not included ) about the historical event you wish you had lived through. What would it have been like, do you think? Share your impressions in your flash fiction.
I counted a few words less than 350. Use the counter on your computer. Fanstory's counter isn't accurate. I counted 347 words here. Good luck.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2020
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I appreciate the five stars but you didn?t tell me if you liked it or not. I know I only got to 348 words, this wasn?t enough to do anything with so I submitted it as is. Thanks for taking the time.
Comment from Bill Schott
This story, Opening the West, is a quick summary of the life of a mountain man. The draw of that hunting and trapping life must have been great. I recall Jeremiah Jones found what freedom he could at sea and came back to live his life out in the mountains. This was a neat encapsulation of that period.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2020
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This story, Opening the West, is a quick summary of the life of a mountain man. The draw of that hunting and trapping life must have been great. I recall Jeremiah Jones found what freedom he could at sea and came back to live his life out in the mountains. This was a neat encapsulation of that period.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2020
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Thanks Bill.
Comment from Coco Jane
An interesting look at this era.
Two months to get to the start of the journey? What happened during those two months?
I like "from can't see to can't see."
The ending comes very abruptly. Maybe add a few lines about encountering these Blackfoot and making a mistake (trusting them? not watching your step?) that turns out to be fatal.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2020
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An interesting look at this era.
Two months to get to the start of the journey? What happened during those two months?
I like "from can't see to can't see."
The ending comes very abruptly. Maybe add a few lines about encountering these Blackfoot and making a mistake (trusting them? not watching your step?) that turns out to be fatal.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2020
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This was a 350 word fiction entry which was written in 348 words. Aside from the items you would have like to seen expanded were there any areas I needed to correct to do away with the four star rating?
Comment from Jacob David Collins
I thought this was an engaging piece of writing. I could picture the landscape as they set off to make their fortune and I thought your writing flowed really well. I only had trouble with one line which was: water from can't see to can't see. Did you mean to repeat can't see? If so, ignore me. A well written piece. Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2020
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I thought this was an engaging piece of writing. I could picture the landscape as they set off to make their fortune and I thought your writing flowed really well. I only had trouble with one line which was: water from can't see to can't see. Did you mean to repeat can't see? If so, ignore me. A well written piece. Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 15-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2020
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Can?t see to can?t see is before he sun comes up and after it goes down. Thanks for reading and reviewing my story.
Comment from RShipp
"Working all day in hip deep freezing water from can't see to can't see." My favorite line!
Ouch! What an ending!
Best of luck in the "My piece of history" writingcontest.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2020
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"Working all day in hip deep freezing water from can't see to can't see." My favorite line!
Ouch! What an ending!
Best of luck in the "My piece of history" writingcontest.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2020
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Thank you very much. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my story.
