Looking for Orion - 2
Viewing comments for Chapter 26 "Winter of the Soul - part 1"Brothers fight for faith ... and for their lives.
12 total reviews
Comment from Margaret Bednar
I have never thought any of this story boring. The pace has changed, but that is a good thing, I think. It was a lovely, lazy hanging out and falling in love with these characters as first. Now it is intense and a cliffhanger! Off to find the next chapter.
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2020
  |
I have never thought any of this story boring. The pace has changed, but that is a good thing, I think. It was a lovely, lazy hanging out and falling in love with these characters as first. Now it is intense and a cliffhanger! Off to find the next chapter.
Comment Written 17-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2020
-
Thank you, sweet Margaret. :)
Comment from Pearl Edwards
You describe Jack's anguish really well, with his torment between being with his wife and son or by his brother's bedside.
For me I think the 'when I am afraid' paragraph works well, it shows that we really wishes he could believe and trust but he doesn't. I'm sorry just to be kind, but I enjoyed the emotions of this chapter, I think you've got them right.
cheers,
valda
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2020
|
You describe Jack's anguish really well, with his torment between being with his wife and son or by his brother's bedside.
For me I think the 'when I am afraid' paragraph works well, it shows that we really wishes he could believe and trust but he doesn't. I'm sorry just to be kind, but I enjoyed the emotions of this chapter, I think you've got them right.
cheers,
valda
Comment Written 13-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2020
-
Lol. Thank you, valda. I'll take that 'kind'. You've certainly found enough nits for me in the past. :)
Thanks again,
Deb
Comment from AJ McCall
This one is a good continuation of the last chapter. I will say, I noticed some '' in between sentences or before a paragraph. You did spell 'Laine' Lane a couple of times. I think the bible verse is good. I'm thoroughly enjoying this!
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2020
|
This one is a good continuation of the last chapter. I will say, I noticed some '' in between sentences or before a paragraph. You did spell 'Laine' Lane a couple of times. I think the bible verse is good. I'm thoroughly enjoying this!
Comment Written 11-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2020
-
Hi AJ. :) I'll look for those random double quotes. I'm not finding them by doing a search, but I know they're there now. They don't stand a chance! lol And I have NO idea why I changed the way I spelled Laine's name. I'll go fix that now.
Many thanks and blessings,
Deb
Comment from roof35
Another great chapter in this story. I sure do hope they get those bad guys. Of course, you have me feeling for Cody, Jack and everyone else. Nicely done.
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2020
|
Another great chapter in this story. I sure do hope they get those bad guys. Of course, you have me feeling for Cody, Jack and everyone else. Nicely done.
Comment Written 10-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2020
-
Thank you, Root, for reading and commenting. I appreciate both. :)
Blessings,Glad you're engaged by the storyline. I cannot ask for more.
Blessings,
Deb
Deb
Comment from lyenochka
I think you did a good job describing this hectic time of back and forth between home life and hospital. I liked how you showed us the encounter with Ashton. With today's news, it might be too raw a reality with the security guards treating him like that. They could have just talked with him. The doctor offering to play cards sounds a little unrealistic since before she was focused so much on work. But I guess you have a reason for that - a teaching moment for Jack.
"I wish we wouldn't have helped." (after this sentence...
" extra quotes here)
When 'Lane showed up later (Laine? Is this a new way to spell her name?)
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2020
|
I think you did a good job describing this hectic time of back and forth between home life and hospital. I liked how you showed us the encounter with Ashton. With today's news, it might be too raw a reality with the security guards treating him like that. They could have just talked with him. The doctor offering to play cards sounds a little unrealistic since before she was focused so much on work. But I guess you have a reason for that - a teaching moment for Jack.
"I wish we wouldn't have helped." (after this sentence...
" extra quotes here)
When 'Lane showed up later (Laine? Is this a new way to spell her name?)
Comment Written 10-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2020
-
Hi Helen;
YOu madea great point with Ashton. Maybe they are a bit too strong-armed. I'll look at that again.
And, no, that's the original way I spelled Laine. It was short for Elaine, which I found a bit tedious to explain, so I just changed her name but, evidently, not everywhere. lol Thank you for finding that. I've made the corrections.
Thank you for being such a Sharp Eye! :)
Blessings,
Deb:)
Be blessed and have a great Friday!
Deb
-
Laine sounds good. 'Lane looks like a typo. 😊
Comment from Ulla
Hi Debora, I think you've caught the emotions very well. We almost lost our little daughter when she was 3 years old. It was a close call and the 10 days at her hospital bed were very tense. You've caught that atmosphere to perfection. All best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2020
|
Hi Debora, I think you've caught the emotions very well. We almost lost our little daughter when she was 3 years old. It was a close call and the 10 days at her hospital bed were very tense. You've caught that atmosphere to perfection. All best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 09-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2020
-
Thank you, Ulla. I'm glad you got your girl back, even after those excruciating days and nights. LIfe can be hard.
I always appreciate your input, Ulla. Thank you so uch. You keep me on track. :)
Y'all be blessed,
Deb
Comment from royowen
I can remember when Elaine and I were in Ukraine on our travels through eastern Europe we watched a Russian soap for a few days, and the characters were in the same room, in the same clothes. I said to Elaine "I wish they'd change clothes and locations" (of course they spoke in Russian we didn't understand a word, changing characters and locations can give a story a refreshing scene change, and won't detract from the story or theme, beautifully done. Blessings, Roy
Typo : When lane showed up. Lainie?
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2020
 |
I can remember when Elaine and I were in Ukraine on our travels through eastern Europe we watched a Russian soap for a few days, and the characters were in the same room, in the same clothes. I said to Elaine "I wish they'd change clothes and locations" (of course they spoke in Russian we didn't understand a word, changing characters and locations can give a story a refreshing scene change, and won't detract from the story or theme, beautifully done. Blessings, Roy
Typo : When lane showed up. Lainie?
Comment Written 09-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2020
-
Roy, thank you so much for the exceptional rating. The first couple of drafts of this read so stiffly. I'm pleased that you found this spot on for the rest of the book because, frankly, I was getting TIRED OF WRITING IT! lol
I much appreciate you reviewing for me, Roy. It means a lot.
Y'all be blessed,
Debby
-
Well done
Comment from sherrygreywolf
It's late and I may have missed some stuff, but overall the writing in this chapter is good - the pace moves along quickly, characters are engaging and I can literally feel Jack's weariness. Found a couple of typos (both within a couple of paragraphs of each other). The first is a missing apostrophe in I'm and the second is an extra letter in front of Jack's name. Might want to sneak in and correct them.
"I(')m going to stay. I promise I'll call if anything happens."
(t)Jack shook his head, but the thought of stretching out on his own mattress, snuggling under the quilt that smelled like his wife, grew bigger in his mind.
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2020
|
It's late and I may have missed some stuff, but overall the writing in this chapter is good - the pace moves along quickly, characters are engaging and I can literally feel Jack's weariness. Found a couple of typos (both within a couple of paragraphs of each other). The first is a missing apostrophe in I'm and the second is an extra letter in front of Jack's name. Might want to sneak in and correct them.
"I(')m going to stay. I promise I'll call if anything happens."
(t)Jack shook his head, but the thought of stretching out on his own mattress, snuggling under the quilt that smelled like his wife, grew bigger in his mind.
Comment Written 09-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2020
-
Thanks, sis. I fixed the boo-boos and so appreciate you reading this. I know it's not really your bag, so even more.
Blessings,
Deb
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
It read perfectly, Debs, I remember when my first husband was dying, nearly 35 years ago, I was with him 24/7 and one day I thought I was going mad. I hadn't given my emotions time to settle. I needed time to be a normal mum with my two small sons, and they needed to do normal boy stuff and not be told to be quiet because Daddy was asleep. So, what I'm saying, you have this chapter down perfectly, from how Jack is acting, to the way Laine 'lost it' for a time.
That out the way. No one thought about Ashton and his family. What they've done to his dad would make any young boy angry and say things he didn't really mean, even though he did at the time. That's natural. I think what I like most about your story is, it is so believable. You have it written as if you were standing at the side recording all that is happening in front of you. That's not easy. Well done, this was another incredible chapter. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2020
|
It read perfectly, Debs, I remember when my first husband was dying, nearly 35 years ago, I was with him 24/7 and one day I thought I was going mad. I hadn't given my emotions time to settle. I needed time to be a normal mum with my two small sons, and they needed to do normal boy stuff and not be told to be quiet because Daddy was asleep. So, what I'm saying, you have this chapter down perfectly, from how Jack is acting, to the way Laine 'lost it' for a time.
That out the way. No one thought about Ashton and his family. What they've done to his dad would make any young boy angry and say things he didn't really mean, even though he did at the time. That's natural. I think what I like most about your story is, it is so believable. You have it written as if you were standing at the side recording all that is happening in front of you. That's not easy. Well done, this was another incredible chapter. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 09-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2020
-
I really cannot tell you what your reviews mean to me, Sandra. They are the perfect encouragement. YOu know when the gurus tell you to visualize your readers? I visualize you and a ocuple of other folks here. Y'all have 'created' my audience, and made it possible for me to continue.
I hope you know what value you've added to this project and to my life.
Y'all be blessed,
Deb
-
It's your story and the way you write it that keep us hooked, Debs, never forget that. You're a talented writer, my friend. xx
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This new chapter has taken a new turn, now a matter of deep thinking comes, health is wealth; realistic taletelling and plot progression, you may please check the expressiveness of the sentences: 1. "Perhaps his only chance." 2. "Just trying." 3. Im going to stay. 4. tJack shook his head, 5. boy."Let him go," 6. "This morning." 7. "Fielder, right? And Morton?" 8. better. Ever." 9. Unless they had bigger plans. 10. When 'Lane showed up later that afternoon to relieve him, he relayed the newest part of the nightmare to her. 11. Or the FBI, for not catching these guys before now. 12. Except for you. 13. "Nothing to get upset about." 14. "How about a game of 31? I have enjoyed the read; well said, well done; thanks for sharing this. ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2020
|
This new chapter has taken a new turn, now a matter of deep thinking comes, health is wealth; realistic taletelling and plot progression, you may please check the expressiveness of the sentences: 1. "Perhaps his only chance." 2. "Just trying." 3. Im going to stay. 4. tJack shook his head, 5. boy."Let him go," 6. "This morning." 7. "Fielder, right? And Morton?" 8. better. Ever." 9. Unless they had bigger plans. 10. When 'Lane showed up later that afternoon to relieve him, he relayed the newest part of the nightmare to her. 11. Or the FBI, for not catching these guys before now. 12. Except for you. 13. "Nothing to get upset about." 14. "How about a game of 31? I have enjoyed the read; well said, well done; thanks for sharing this. ALCREATOR
Comment Written 09-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2020
-
Thank you! I appreciate you, Alcreator. I'm checking out those concerns now. :)
Be blessed,
Deb