Looking for Orion - 2
Viewing comments for Chapter 17 "Escape - part 2"Brothers fight for faith ... and for their lives.
8 total reviews
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Ups, I was wondering how they manage to get the help and the car, now I know:) Thank you for bringing them some help. As usual you manage to sneak in some funny comments "WE have to get you down this hill without turning you into Humpty Dumpty because, in case you haven't noticed, we don't have any of the king's horses or men. I'm going to move you behind me. All you have to do is lean into me as we go. Got it?" Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2020
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Ups, I was wondering how they manage to get the help and the car, now I know:) Thank you for bringing them some help. As usual you manage to sneak in some funny comments "WE have to get you down this hill without turning you into Humpty Dumpty because, in case you haven't noticed, we don't have any of the king's horses or men. I'm going to move you behind me. All you have to do is lean into me as we go. Got it?" Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2020
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Thank you. :) I'm struggling with the next chapter, so I appreciate your good wishes.
Blessings,
Deb
Comment from Ulla
Hi Debora, it's a very good chapter. It's very long but it did keep my attention all way through. I saw nothing to correct and I now wonder what will happen with Cody. You left us on a cliff hanger. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2020
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Hi Debora, it's a very good chapter. It's very long but it did keep my attention all way through. I saw nothing to correct and I now wonder what will happen with Cody. You left us on a cliff hanger. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 26-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2020
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Thank you for reading, Ulla! I appreciate you, as always. :)
Be blessed this weekend!
Deb
Comment from roof35
I am reading this chapter when I already read the next chapter. But no matter, I really like both of them and this way I get the background. This is as well written as the other one and I am looking forward to more.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2020
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I am reading this chapter when I already read the next chapter. But no matter, I really like both of them and this way I get the background. This is as well written as the other one and I am looking forward to more.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2020
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Thank you, Roof! :) Glad you enjoyed. Having some issues with the next one, but it will be up today no matter what!
Blessings,
Deb
Comment from Margaret Bednar
Whew! No one can say the pace hasn't changed - action and excitement are packed in every nook and cranny in this chapter! Excellent writing!
Encyclopedia Brow. What would he do (Brown)
trying hard to stem the tears the threatened (that threatened)
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2020
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Whew! No one can say the pace hasn't changed - action and excitement are packed in every nook and cranny in this chapter! Excellent writing!
Encyclopedia Brow. What would he do (Brown)
trying hard to stem the tears the threatened (that threatened)
Comment Written 25-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2020
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Thank you for those fixes, Margaret. I'll do them now. :) (Otherwise we bothknow I'll forget! lol) I'll try to post the next chapter tonight. :)
Be blessed,
Deb
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Goodness me, Debs, my heart can't be taking much more of that!!!!! I'm so glad they happened on that father and son. Just in time, too!! See, God was watching over them, and now Jack will see it, and get his faith back. But first they need to get Cody to the hospital, and hope those men haven't a car handy to follow them with. Excellent part, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2020
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Goodness me, Debs, my heart can't be taking much more of that!!!!! I'm so glad they happened on that father and son. Just in time, too!! See, God was watching over them, and now Jack will see it, and get his faith back. But first they need to get Cody to the hospital, and hope those men haven't a car handy to follow them with. Excellent part, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 25-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2020
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Thank you! Now ? YOu do know Jack is from Texas, right? He's not that easy to sway. lol. More coming, though...
Be blessed,
Deb
Comment from Precious Owuamalam
This is getting more and more interesting.
I'm glad they made it. I hope the story ends as I wish.
A lovely write!
You may want to enclose those bible wordings in quotation marks.
Here: "he will never leave you nor forsake you." Since you're referring to God, "he" should be "He."
This should end with a question mark: Still, what would it hurt..
I believe you're referring to God, hence, the first letters of this should all be capital: all-knowing, all-powerful compassionate
Here: "Encyclopedia Brow" "Brow" should be "Brown" according to your story.
"the tears the" should be "the tears that"
Here: "his dad's deep voice calling his name," I believe "Dad" is a proper noun, hence the "D" should be uppercase.
Look at this: "relieved or --
."
This: "gravaly voice" should be "gravelly voice."
Blessings and good health!
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2020
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This is getting more and more interesting.
I'm glad they made it. I hope the story ends as I wish.
A lovely write!
You may want to enclose those bible wordings in quotation marks.
Here: "he will never leave you nor forsake you." Since you're referring to God, "he" should be "He."
This should end with a question mark: Still, what would it hurt..
I believe you're referring to God, hence, the first letters of this should all be capital: all-knowing, all-powerful compassionate
Here: "Encyclopedia Brow" "Brow" should be "Brown" according to your story.
"the tears the" should be "the tears that"
Here: "his dad's deep voice calling his name," I believe "Dad" is a proper noun, hence the "D" should be uppercase.
Look at this: "relieved or --
."
This: "gravaly voice" should be "gravelly voice."
Blessings and good health!
Comment Written 25-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2020
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Good catches, Precious! I wrote after church last night and finished at about 2 AM ?. which is not an excuse, but I'm going to use it! lol.
I'll go fix those things, although, let me bounce a thought off you.
With 'all-knowing, all-powerful' -- as believers, we would cap it. But Jack is in a different place. I'm trying to duplicate his feelings with my choices, which is hard because I don't feel that way. Do you think I should keep it lower case for that reason or cap it to honor Him? Later, when Jack comes back to his faith (Spoiler alert!) I do cap it to show that change of heart. But I have no intention of dishonoring God with this -- quite the opposite.
Also, I'll look at 'his dad'. I know if I said 'Dad found him' it would be a proper noun. With the 'his' in front of it, I'm not too sure. I'll look. :)
Thank you so much! I'll make those changes now, and look forward to your thoughts on the questions.
Blessings, sweet friend.
Deb
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
This is a great story full of intrigue and action. It is exciting and kept me on the edge of my seat. I can hardly wait until the next post. Your writing is suburb.
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2020
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This is a great story full of intrigue and action. It is exciting and kept me on the edge of my seat. I can hardly wait until the next post. Your writing is suburb.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2020
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Thank you, Rebecca. :) I'm glad we are mutual fans.
And I appreciate your encouragement and excitement about the story. Just keep that seatbelt securely in place ? :)
Blessings,
Deb
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Ha ha
Comment from lyenochka
Loved that you included the verses. (Maybe put in italics so it seems like it comes from Jack's head?) And how cool that there is a black family there that came to the help of a cop. I liked how you depicted this tense and dramatic scene!
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2020
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Loved that you included the verses. (Maybe put in italics so it seems like it comes from Jack's head?) And how cool that there is a black family there that came to the help of a cop. I liked how you depicted this tense and dramatic scene!
Comment Written 25-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2020
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Thank you. I wondered about Jack admitting to them that he was a cop and asking for help. I also thought about letting the dad there hesitate longer, but ? nope. I needed it to wrap up. I thought they'd been in the woods long enough! lol
Be blessed and many thanks.
Deb