Comment from Ulla

Excellent

Wow, Debora, this was so well written and the grief so real. It would be difficult for anybody to understand this pointless crime, let alone to those who are close to the victim. You describe the horror of it all and the grief of those left behind so very well. Ulla:)))

 Comment Written 02-Jun-2020

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reply by the author on 02-Jun-2020

Thank you, Ulla. It was a tough chapter to write, but if I got this one wrong, the whole thing wouldn't work.
Blessings and many thanks,
Deb

Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell

Excellent

Wow, you wrote that so well! I was in tears, that poor man, and there is nothing anyone can say or do to lessen the pain that whole family are going to go through. I had such a huge lump in my throat as I read Michael blaming himself for not helping his mum. What a chapter! Well done, and I'm all out of 6s. xxx Sandra x

 Comment Written 02-Jun-2020

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reply by the author on 02-Jun-2020

Hi Sandra!
I had a friend throw a physical copy of the manuscript at me at this point, hollering that she couldn't read it anyore and I was horrible for killing off 'her' character. In the first chapter! How could she already have a character? lol. I didn't know whether to be delighted that it felt so real to her or miffed that she messed up my pages. lol.
I'm gald it 'gotcha'. Hope the rest will continue to do the same. :)
Deb

Comment from Pearl Edwards

Excellent

Great story Deb, well told. You've got the emotions spot on of theeir disbelief, their devastation and then the anger at a system that doesn't work for the innocent. Typo -edgeof the coveirng

 Comment Written 01-Jun-2020

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reply by the author on 01-Jun-2020

Thank you for catching that typo, Valda. I added that just before I put it up and, of course, misspelled something! lol
Appreciate you,
Deb

Comment from Puzzle

Exceptional

Oh my gosh. I really don't know where this story is going at this point now lol. BUT this is so well written. I absolutely adore the way you write and describe things. When the kid asks, "why is mommy sleeping in the rain?". ugh. Then, the son blames himself. just very real reactions. And nicely written. good job. i lm loving this book so far

 Comment Written 31-May-2020

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reply by the author on 31-May-2020

Thank you, Dana! It was far harder to write than the zombie book, and still not to my satisfaction, but it' getting there. :)
I so appreciate the exceptional rating! That's super encouraging. :)
A
Completely off topic:
I sent the wrong link last night. If you're interested in watching my little Tx church, here's the link. Preacher talked about the horrible ituaiton with Mr. Flloyd and the riots,.

Okay, thank you again1
Be blessed, my FS friend,
Deb

reply by Puzzle on 31-May-2020

yes i would like to watch that!
i don?t see any link tho!!! i live in chicago so i?m in the center of it. they have shut down everything in the area and surrounding suburbs. they are looting all the stores. it?s very scary. i won?t let my kids out of the house.

reply by the author on 31-May-2020

Dana, the internet feed stopped this morning, but you can certainly watch the beginning and get the jist of his message. our music is ? awful, but our music ministers are volunteer and have such a heart for God. Just don't let that throw you. I know you're a music person, as am I , and it really can mess with my head! lol.
The link is:
https://www.facebook.com/SouthsideChurchBrownwood/videos/663333554223082/
We have about 10 weeks of video up, and will continue to do this for the next year (well, thru March 2021, at least.)
Pastor David is pretty funny, but he's also quite literally a genius. He's unafraid to touch on topics that other pastors might shy away from. This morning he talked about the riots and racism. The sermon is cut off about 5 - 10 minutes before the end, but on Tues (if you're interested) you can go to our website and hear the end. just the video cut off, I think.
Anyhow, I"m excited for you to 'come to church' with me. :)
Deb

reply by the author on 31-May-2020

Oh, Dana! I'm praying for all of you -- for safety and calm. What a nightmare. I"m so sorry.
Our church lost the internet link about 5 mintes before the sermon ended. (Not sermon -- just a talk this morning. But Pastor David spoke about the riots and how we, as the body of Christ, should react. It was really a good 'talk'. I think the final few minutes will be on our website on Tuesday, when it is usually uploaded there. If interested, let me know (or follow the link from the FB page.) We've been doing FB live church since the beginning of COVID, so there are several up. The link is:
https://www.facebook.com/SouthsideChurchBrownwood/videos/663333554223082/
Again , praying for all of you.
Deb

Comment from Margaret Bednar

Exceptional

No one said a word, afraid that any sound would make the nightmare real.

Just gripping. I'm in like Flynn - this reminds me of "Blue Bloods" - a series I LOVE. Well written and I can't wait for the next chapter.

 Comment Written 31-May-2020

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reply by the author on 31-May-2020

Thank you, Margaret! I appreciate botht he comparison and the exceptional rating. I think I started this before that series started, so maybe THEY'RE COPYING ME! lol.
I think this was a way for me to exorcise some demons. I get to rewrite it now with a 'clean slate', which is good. I'm catching some things I didn't want in there and can delete before I submit it to an agent or house.
thanks again,
Deb

Comment from Precious Owuamalam

Excellent

Beautiful story line Dear Deb. I wonder where this ideas come from. Very wonderful story this is.

This part really got me ""I just s-sat there, pouting about the weather and about Katie bugging me all the time, and ... she didn't come back. I just sat there, Dad! I just sat there, and -"" How truly emotional you made it read.

Thumbs up; thank you for this very beautiful piece!

 Comment Written 30-May-2020

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reply by the author on 30-May-2020

Thank you for such a beautiful review, Precious. This book actually came from a dream -- well, a snippet of this one did. It's not for another few chapters, and I kept it as a dream. I wondered why a character would have it, and came up with the crisis in the book, then the rest of the plot. Weird way to write a novel, I know. lol
Thank you, my friend.
Blessings,
Deb

Comment from Cindy Warren

Excellent

What makes this so sad is that it's so realistic. A little kid doesn't understand why her mommy is sleeping in the rain because of someone who shouldn't have been on the street. A cop wonders if he's doing any good. It's a sad reflection of a system that isn't working.

 Comment Written 30-May-2020

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reply by the author on 30-May-2020

The saddest thing is, many good, honest cops are giving up. My younger brother was a wonderful detective, top of his profession. He's just 50 and he's done. An injury took him out of that line of work, but instead of utilizing his experience and his knowledge, he was medically retired. (Which, in the current climate, is fine and dandy with me!)
Thank you for reading, and I hope you'll join us for the rest of this tale.
Blessings,
Deb

Comment from Teri7

Excellent

This is a very well written chapter you have penned. You used great descriptive words and dialogue. It kept me intrigued and interested all the way through. I found this one nit:
edgeof the coveirng
edge of the covering

I hope to read more of your work. blessings, Teri

 Comment Written 30-May-2020

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reply by the author on 30-May-2020

Thank you for that catch, Teri, and also for the encouraging words. I hope you'll join us again starting tomorrow for the official start of chapter 2. :)
Be blessed,
Deb

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

You did a great job with depicting the scene for us. I especially liked how you did little Michael's voice of grief and repeating how he felt he should have done something more. It's a theme we see even the grown ups have.

Comments:
Who's Rachel again? Is she related to Pam? Oh, later, I see she's Pam's mother. Could you put a list of characters at the beginning?

I had trouble imagining sliding out of the driver's side of a car/truck while still holding hands. Just me, I guess. I need both hands, especially if I have to go over whatever gear or glove box stuff is between the driver's seat and passenger seat.

 Comment Written 30-May-2020

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reply by the author on 30-May-2020

I used to could do that as a younger person. But now ? nope. I'd be letting go and climbing out my own side, just 'cause it's easier. Sad admission!! lo
Thanks for reading and your thoughtful response to the chapter. :)
Blessings,
Deb

Comment from royowen

Exceptional

I don't know how one can come back from these things, but they do somehow. This story had me riveted from beginning to end, from the normality of everyday mundane things to this, how can people do that? Yet they do. Beautifully written Debora, has something like this happened to you, you've got to feel for kids, who can't read these things. Well done a great job Debora, blessings Roy

 Comment Written 30-May-2020

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reply by the author on 30-May-2020

Thank you, Roy. NOthing exactly olike this has happened to me. We've had some serious tragedy, and I think I exorcise my demons on paper. Or on screen. Whatever we call it these days.
My dad was attacked in a church meeting by a fellow member who was quite literally off his rocker. (Or posessed, never have been sure which.) My uncle came to get us carrying a weapon, ordering us into the truck to take us to our grandmother's house -- next door. We watched as the man walked around our house searching for entry to 'get us', which is what he promised my parents he would do. We lived out in the country, and I'm not sure he knew my grandma lived next to us. I watched as my uncle and grandmother stood guard over us with shotguns that had only ever been used on rattlesnakes. So I'm putting that memory into this book, trying to capture those emotions - the feelings of helplessness, of violation, the fear I felt and the absolute terror for my dad, since we didn't know how badly he'd been hurt. LIke I said, it's a way for me to exorcise my demons and try to let others know that you can be angry and hurt by life, be upset with God for allowing bad stuff to happen and then come back to him with a restored relationship.
I think I just gave you the entire plot line. lol.
Thank you for reading, Roy. I always appreciate your words .
Blessings,
Deb

reply by royowen on 30-May-2020

Thank you for sharing, yes I believe the man has a demon, didn't your leadership respond? What a horror

reply by the author on 31-May-2020

We were a very small church and, as Baptists, we have our pastor and then a regional director. OUr pastorwas in CCU with a heart condition. It's such a long, weird situation. My dad was music minister, y mom church secretary. This man had burst into the CCU of the hospital to yell at our pastor and actually created more heart crisis. So mom put into the bulletin for Sunday that there were to be no visitors, that even his children weren't being allowed in. No names, no accusations. The next night was a staff meeting, and the man burst in, attacked dad and told mom she would be after he got us kids. Then he took off. She called my uncle. Since we lived in the country, we all had rifles for snakes. But I'd never seen him or my Grandmomma arm themselkves against people before. One frail, thin old man was also at that meeting and witnessed the attack. He went with mom and dad to the hospital and, as soon as he was sure they were okay there, he came to our home and sat on the front porch, waiting for the madman, I guess. I'm not sure what he would have done had the man come back because he was so old, but he became my hero that night. He stood guard first over my mom and then over our home. His name was Mr. Clovis Fink. He was amazing. :)
The director of the region removed him from the congregatrion after a while, but he'd show up randomly.
The police were involved, but the man threatened all witnesses and we couldn't make a case. The detectives told dad to shoot the man if he ever stepped foot on our property, call them and they'd make it look like he'd come inot our home and threatened us. Daddy wasn't the first person the man had attacked, and the witnesses weren't the first he'd threatened to keep quite.
I lived in fear for a long time. Then I realized that God was bigger even than this monster from my childhood. That he'd put men like Mr. Fink and my parents on this earth to stand against such horrors and that I had to choose to stand and not fold. It's a daily decision.
NOw? Do you regret asking? :)
Blessings, my brother.
Deb

reply by royowen on 31-May-2020

Thanks for explaining Deb, no, I don?t regret asking, sometimes God allows such thing to prove one?s faith, it?s tough, I?ve had my testings, not quite as bad as that, my grandchildren are so very precious I can understand the old man waiting to protect kids. Well done for sharing Deb, blessings, Roy