A Matter of Life Remembered
A Remembrance told in prose and haiku41 total reviews
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
Oh, I am crying. You have given your Aunt the tribute she deserved. What a well written and poignant story you have shared with us. As a young child, I can see how preoccupied and concerned you must have been. Your love for your Aunt shines through your desire to help yet with the restraints placed upon you by your elders, you held back. She must be engraved in your heart. I am pleased I found this and read it.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2020
  |
Oh, I am crying. You have given your Aunt the tribute she deserved. What a well written and poignant story you have shared with us. As a young child, I can see how preoccupied and concerned you must have been. Your love for your Aunt shines through your desire to help yet with the restraints placed upon you by your elders, you held back. She must be engraved in your heart. I am pleased I found this and read it.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2020
-
Hello Raffaelina!
I am so pleased that you "discovered" my work. This piece was very challenging to pen... My aunt lived such a tragic life...
Thank you for your excellent rating and thoughtful review...
Hoping you are safe and well...
diane
-
I should have told you that it should receive 6 stars, but we run out of them too soon with such fabulous writers on this site.
-
Aw...You are sweet, Raffaelina!
Just between you and me, it's one of my favorites... :)
Take Care!
diane
-
And I am thrilled that you "found" it!" :)
diane
Comment from Richard Van Kirk
It is difficult finding persons from the ruble of past. A few pictures, a few anecdotes, digging through the mud of someone's memory. You've sculpted a person from the clay of pain and absence, heartbreak and mourning. The aunt in the story pours from the ground with her blue forget-me-nots. You've brought her back, for all to see. Great job.
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2019
|
It is difficult finding persons from the ruble of past. A few pictures, a few anecdotes, digging through the mud of someone's memory. You've sculpted a person from the clay of pain and absence, heartbreak and mourning. The aunt in the story pours from the ground with her blue forget-me-nots. You've brought her back, for all to see. Great job.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2019
-
Hello, Richard,
This was a challenging piece to pen.
Thank you for your excellent rating and thoughtful review!
diane
Comment from Gypsymooncat
I'm really glad I have another six to award for this wonderfullly enriching and heart-warming story. I guess the Aunt came back to you in those forget-me-nots; she knew how you felt. And thank goodness medicine has made such leaps and bounds over the years; the treatment for epilepsy in those bygone days was nothing short of cruel. It's a relief to know that your Aunt finally found peace for the last years of her life. Kudos to your Grandmother for rescuing her!
Thank you for sharing such a thought-provoking tale with us, it should do very well in the Story of the Month contest. Good luck!
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2019
 |
I'm really glad I have another six to award for this wonderfullly enriching and heart-warming story. I guess the Aunt came back to you in those forget-me-nots; she knew how you felt. And thank goodness medicine has made such leaps and bounds over the years; the treatment for epilepsy in those bygone days was nothing short of cruel. It's a relief to know that your Aunt finally found peace for the last years of her life. Kudos to your Grandmother for rescuing her!
Thank you for sharing such a thought-provoking tale with us, it should do very well in the Story of the Month contest. Good luck!
Comment Written 05-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2019
-
Hello Gypsymooncat,
I am honored by your exceptional rating and thoughtful review.
No longer in contention for Story of the Month, but it is an offering I treasure.
Thank you again!
diane
Comment from Iza Deleanu
This it is a very beautiful and emotional story. When people we love suffer we don't know how to behave around them, we keep our impulses of help them in check, and then is too late. Thank you for sharing and so sorry for your lost.
|
This it is a very beautiful and emotional story. When people we love suffer we don't know how to behave around them, we keep our impulses of help them in check, and then is too late. Thank you for sharing and so sorry for your lost.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2019
Comment from Caroline Mansour
This was such a lovely, well-developed work. I'm not sure if you intended it to be just like a Haibun, but it really took that form and was beautifully sustained throughout. I was drawn into the story so quickly, grounded in your son's bedroom but then led along this memory train of a difficult but cherished life. The forget-me-nots blooming at the end, allowed to run free, as the aunt never could, evoked such a sense of peaceful resolution. Really beautifully done.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2019
|
This was such a lovely, well-developed work. I'm not sure if you intended it to be just like a Haibun, but it really took that form and was beautifully sustained throughout. I was drawn into the story so quickly, grounded in your son's bedroom but then led along this memory train of a difficult but cherished life. The forget-me-nots blooming at the end, allowed to run free, as the aunt never could, evoked such a sense of peaceful resolution. Really beautifully done.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2019
-
Thank you ever so much, Caroline, for the excellent rating and thoughtful review.
This piece began as a Haibun, but I believe it is too long; thus it evolved into an experimental piece.
This was a difficult write... on many levels.
thank you!
diane
Comment from LeftHandedScribe
It takes so much courage to relive these events with such specificity. You make me feel like I'm right there with you. So well done, and I wish I had another six because that's what you deserve for this beautiful writing.
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2019
|
It takes so much courage to relive these events with such specificity. You make me feel like I'm right there with you. So well done, and I wish I had another six because that's what you deserve for this beautiful writing.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2019
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2019
-
So very pleased my work resonated with you, Shauna.
This was a difficult piece to pen.
Thank you for your excellent rating and positive review!
diane
Comment from PteGIJane
I loved your story. It must of been terrible for you as a teenager to imagine the treatment that your Aunt received. Yes you are right about advances for treating rheumatoid arthritis and epelespy. I agree with your perspective when your Aunt died
They needed to celebrate the person that she was. Great work.
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2019
|
I loved your story. It must of been terrible for you as a teenager to imagine the treatment that your Aunt received. Yes you are right about advances for treating rheumatoid arthritis and epelespy. I agree with your perspective when your Aunt died
They needed to celebrate the person that she was. Great work.
Comment Written 14-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2019
-
Hello PteGIJane!
I am deeply honored by your exceptional rating and thoughtful review.
This was an emotional write for me.
So very pleased my words resonated with you.
Thank you again!
diane
Comment from Marisa3
What a lovely story of remembrance. There are so many parts of your aunt's story that I truly empathize with. It is unfortunate that the gross lack of knowledge and available treatment for your aunt's conditions caused her to lose her quality of life. However, your grandmother's courage to go against the thinking of the day and remove her daughter from such a detrimental environment has to be greatly admired.
I love your writing style. It flows beautifully and draws the reader's attention throughout the entire piece.
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2019
|
What a lovely story of remembrance. There are so many parts of your aunt's story that I truly empathize with. It is unfortunate that the gross lack of knowledge and available treatment for your aunt's conditions caused her to lose her quality of life. However, your grandmother's courage to go against the thinking of the day and remove her daughter from such a detrimental environment has to be greatly admired.
I love your writing style. It flows beautifully and draws the reader's attention throughout the entire piece.
Comment Written 30-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2019
-
Hello Marisa!
I am thrilled that you enjoyed my offering. Thank you for your excellent rating and thoughtful review.
I apologize for my late response = wedding anniversary and birthday celebrations side by side!
Thank you again!
diane
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
The medical world has made great gains in the treatment of both rheumatoid arthritis and epilepsy. The social stigmas attached to both conditions have lessened in our society today. However, during the 1940s, when my aunt was first diagnosed with both, the social attitude of the day was to place such individuals in asylums or psychiatric hospitals. ' I can totally relate. I was locked up for no other reason than my sweetheart left me, pregnant and alone and moved back to his native OZ. Yes HE was the one who wanted a baby. I miscarried in the toilets of the hospital some 3 weeks later. I was 23.I have never gotten over it and the needless anti-psychotics they gave me caused my liver to fail completely. Those bastards have no souls. A wonderful and very important write. Love Meia xx
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2019
|
The medical world has made great gains in the treatment of both rheumatoid arthritis and epilepsy. The social stigmas attached to both conditions have lessened in our society today. However, during the 1940s, when my aunt was first diagnosed with both, the social attitude of the day was to place such individuals in asylums or psychiatric hospitals. ' I can totally relate. I was locked up for no other reason than my sweetheart left me, pregnant and alone and moved back to his native OZ. Yes HE was the one who wanted a baby. I miscarried in the toilets of the hospital some 3 weeks later. I was 23.I have never gotten over it and the needless anti-psychotics they gave me caused my liver to fail completely. Those bastards have no souls. A wonderful and very important write. Love Meia xx
Comment Written 29-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2019
-
Hello Meia!
I am thrilled and honored by your exceptional rating of my offering.
My aunt's life has always moved me in ways I never imagined.
I am horrified by your experiences. I cannot imagine your suffering.
However, your strength comes through time and again in your own exceptional writing.
Thank you again, Meia.
diane
Comment from Steve Harsin
Well written.
I think this line: ...loss, yet all too soon will...
Might be a little stronger if it was rewritten, something like: ...loss. That would change all too soon.
Might be a matter of style, taste, whatever, but a suggestion for something to consider.
Your 2007, 1947, 1965 and 1968 sections are written in present tense. Given the time frame of the piece overall and that you are writing at a date much later, 2019, I feel those sections would be stronger if written in past tense - an easy matter to address if you choose to do that.
Then, when you switch to 2019 in that last section and move back to present tense, it's much more clear that these earlier pieces are memories, reflections, etc. I think your piece will be even stronger for that.
One way I sometimes address such matters is to write something, then rewrite it with the tense change, print each, and read them out loud, even with only me in the room. When you do that, and considering what it is you are trying to achieve with your writing, you'll know almost instantly which works more. You might choose one or the other, or, as often happens to me, I sometimes get the insight to go back to rewrite the entire thing in a different way completely.
I really like the haiku and how you've used them in the piece.
Overall, very strong. I really like it. Nice work!
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2019
|
Well written.
I think this line: ...loss, yet all too soon will...
Might be a little stronger if it was rewritten, something like: ...loss. That would change all too soon.
Might be a matter of style, taste, whatever, but a suggestion for something to consider.
Your 2007, 1947, 1965 and 1968 sections are written in present tense. Given the time frame of the piece overall and that you are writing at a date much later, 2019, I feel those sections would be stronger if written in past tense - an easy matter to address if you choose to do that.
Then, when you switch to 2019 in that last section and move back to present tense, it's much more clear that these earlier pieces are memories, reflections, etc. I think your piece will be even stronger for that.
One way I sometimes address such matters is to write something, then rewrite it with the tense change, print each, and read them out loud, even with only me in the room. When you do that, and considering what it is you are trying to achieve with your writing, you'll know almost instantly which works more. You might choose one or the other, or, as often happens to me, I sometimes get the insight to go back to rewrite the entire thing in a different way completely.
I really like the haiku and how you've used them in the piece.
Overall, very strong. I really like it. Nice work!
Comment Written 16-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2019
-
Hello Steve,
Thank you for your excellent rating and thoughtful review.
I wrote this piece in the present tense intentionally, but I appreciate your critique.
Thank you again!
diane