The Snake
A Crown of Heroic Sonnets for the contest50 total reviews
Comment from Lady MJ
Like the snake seeking only to live is what every human seeks as well. However, just as the snake faced the foolishness of humans, we also face the foolishness of each other. Man has dominated man to his injury. Well written.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2023
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Like the snake seeking only to live is what every human seeks as well. However, just as the snake faced the foolishness of humans, we also face the foolishness of each other. Man has dominated man to his injury. Well written.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2023
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Thanks so much for digging this one up and responding to it. I appreciate your kind words. All good wishes, Tony.
Comment from DragonSkulls
First off, one of the few in the contest with perfect iambic meter. I'm a stickler for that, lol. What an excellent little tale you have penned here, Tony. I came across the same situation a couple months ago in my swimming pool. My wife told me the snake was in there so I was going to just scoop him up and let it go. Turns out it was a baby copperhead. When I tried to grab it with the net it was striking at it like crazy. So sadly, fear made me decide I wanted it dead rather than it getting loose when I lifted it out so it could bite me or my wife later. I used the net and felt awful doing it but I held it under the water until it stopped moving altogether. I poked at it a few times to be sure it was dead, then scooped it out. I put it in a water bottle and set it on my back porch. When I came home the next day from work, I went to grab the bottle to get rid of it and here it was still alive and striking at me in bottle. Luckily I put the lid on it the night before. So I figured if it had such a will to live that it lived even after I drowned the thing, he would. I took it to a pond down the road and opened the lid and let it go. Hopefully it won't make it back over here. This was a great piece you have entered, Tony. Perfect meter, perfect flow. Excellent write. Have a great day and best of luck in the voting.
Ron
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2018
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First off, one of the few in the contest with perfect iambic meter. I'm a stickler for that, lol. What an excellent little tale you have penned here, Tony. I came across the same situation a couple months ago in my swimming pool. My wife told me the snake was in there so I was going to just scoop him up and let it go. Turns out it was a baby copperhead. When I tried to grab it with the net it was striking at it like crazy. So sadly, fear made me decide I wanted it dead rather than it getting loose when I lifted it out so it could bite me or my wife later. I used the net and felt awful doing it but I held it under the water until it stopped moving altogether. I poked at it a few times to be sure it was dead, then scooped it out. I put it in a water bottle and set it on my back porch. When I came home the next day from work, I went to grab the bottle to get rid of it and here it was still alive and striking at me in bottle. Luckily I put the lid on it the night before. So I figured if it had such a will to live that it lived even after I drowned the thing, he would. I took it to a pond down the road and opened the lid and let it go. Hopefully it won't make it back over here. This was a great piece you have entered, Tony. Perfect meter, perfect flow. Excellent write. Have a great day and best of luck in the voting.
Ron
Comment Written 31-May-2018
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2018
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Many thanks for the review, Ron, and for the six stars. I'm not usually that compassionate when it comes to snakes! I was motivated to some extent by the fact that a friend of my daughter fished an adolescent Eastern Brown out of the same water tank a few weeks earlier, showed it to his children and explained to them how important they were in the environment, and then released it in the bush (some miles away, I'm glad to say). I didn't mention to him that I'd been more than happy to let one of its siblings drown the week before! I enjoyed reading your anecdote. I understand that snakes can stay under water for twenty minutes or more before needing to come up for air.
Comment from Irish Rain
Well, just Wow. I loved the entire poem, first line to last. Well written, highly descriptive...but it's the lessons that are enclosed that captivate me, that I so identify with.
How very true, the older we get, the more we fear, contemplating killing this little critter, based on our inability to safely save him.
I love the 'back and forth' thought process this fellow went through. I hate killing anything. Even a bee that flies into my house, I try to catch on a broom, at a safe distance, to free outside.
But...spiders are dead. Based on my fear, a shame. I never bother them outside, and run into quite a few when I garden. I tell them to warn all their relatives, because I really don't want to kill the creepy little crawlers. But, alas...few listen.
This is a fabulous Heroic Crown.
Blessings....
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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Well, just Wow. I loved the entire poem, first line to last. Well written, highly descriptive...but it's the lessons that are enclosed that captivate me, that I so identify with.
How very true, the older we get, the more we fear, contemplating killing this little critter, based on our inability to safely save him.
I love the 'back and forth' thought process this fellow went through. I hate killing anything. Even a bee that flies into my house, I try to catch on a broom, at a safe distance, to free outside.
But...spiders are dead. Based on my fear, a shame. I never bother them outside, and run into quite a few when I garden. I tell them to warn all their relatives, because I really don't want to kill the creepy little crawlers. But, alas...few listen.
This is a fabulous Heroic Crown.
Blessings....
Comment Written 05-May-2018
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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Lovely comments and thanks so much for the six stars. Glad you found a few things to identify with in this lengthy sequence. All the best, Tony.
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Beautiful, you're most welcome!
Comment from pearlecat
I would give you twelve stars for this! What a wonderful telling and lesson. You saved the bee and now a snake, I can't picture any venom in you. You are truly kind and this is a beautiful sonnet! You are a winner in my book :)
Pearl
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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I would give you twelve stars for this! What a wonderful telling and lesson. You saved the bee and now a snake, I can't picture any venom in you. You are truly kind and this is a beautiful sonnet! You are a winner in my book :)
Pearl
Comment Written 04-May-2018
reply by the author on 07-May-2018
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Lovely comments, Pearl, and thanks so much for the six stars. Glad you enjoyed this. All the best, Tony.
Comment from krys123
Cheers, Tony;
-very remarkable and I mean that seriously, as I saw you take a subject matter something majestically secretive, as the snake, a poisonous snake, and carried, throughout your crown of sonnets, with such exuberance and fascinating behavioral antics of the snake.
-In many of the sonnets to write up situations involving the snake, the red bellied black snake, in which you even advocate the protection of this marvelous night in your fifth and sixth sonnet.
-I applaud you at your perfection of using iambic pentameter throughout sonnets without a hiccup worry error in any of its application.
-What I truly like about the sonnets in your crown of sonnets was affected how well you are so investigative with the knowledge of this red bellied black snake and the fierceness of its nature and how it takes time for it by digest which leaves it vulnerable. In fact, don't you even mentioned capturing him in this particular circumstances he's digesting and in the heat and very calm to be able to do what you want with it.
"Digesting what it takes to stay alive
now made me hesitate to do him harm.
He'd food enough at hand to let him thrive
And, on a beam, a place of rest and calm
for basking in the noonday hours of heat,
as I had, too; imprisoned by my thoughts,
constrained by age - though not by walls - replete
in my small world, with freedom still - of sorts."
-In doing so, you've captured this beautiful snake and placing it in a different environment that is natural to its own which will be an undertaking. Marvelous sonnet.
-"This snake that came was only seeking life." I myself would've put comma after snake. But this line is the premise, the body/topic, conceptual theme and overall summation. It's a fantastic eight letter line.
-Good luck in the contest Tony, and take care and have a good one and hope your family and friends are all doing well and maybe they'll be blessed.
Alex
reply by the author on 08-May-2018
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Cheers, Tony;
-very remarkable and I mean that seriously, as I saw you take a subject matter something majestically secretive, as the snake, a poisonous snake, and carried, throughout your crown of sonnets, with such exuberance and fascinating behavioral antics of the snake.
-In many of the sonnets to write up situations involving the snake, the red bellied black snake, in which you even advocate the protection of this marvelous night in your fifth and sixth sonnet.
-I applaud you at your perfection of using iambic pentameter throughout sonnets without a hiccup worry error in any of its application.
-What I truly like about the sonnets in your crown of sonnets was affected how well you are so investigative with the knowledge of this red bellied black snake and the fierceness of its nature and how it takes time for it by digest which leaves it vulnerable. In fact, don't you even mentioned capturing him in this particular circumstances he's digesting and in the heat and very calm to be able to do what you want with it.
"Digesting what it takes to stay alive
now made me hesitate to do him harm.
He'd food enough at hand to let him thrive
And, on a beam, a place of rest and calm
for basking in the noonday hours of heat,
as I had, too; imprisoned by my thoughts,
constrained by age - though not by walls - replete
in my small world, with freedom still - of sorts."
-In doing so, you've captured this beautiful snake and placing it in a different environment that is natural to its own which will be an undertaking. Marvelous sonnet.
-"This snake that came was only seeking life." I myself would've put comma after snake. But this line is the premise, the body/topic, conceptual theme and overall summation. It's a fantastic eight letter line.
-Good luck in the contest Tony, and take care and have a good one and hope your family and friends are all doing well and maybe they'll be blessed.
Alex
Comment Written 04-May-2018
reply by the author on 08-May-2018
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Very many thanks for yet another most detailed and affirming review, Alex, delivered with the added bonus of six stars! As always, very much appreciated. Best wishes, Tony
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I like reading your stuff, Tony, it is refreshing and satisfyingly enriching, but in a way, that stimulates and your rhetoric, and/or writings, also Affirms your wisdom and intelligence. Take care and have a good one.
Alex
Comment from Shirley E Kennedy
Hi Tony,
What an amazing marathon is the format of a Heroic Sonnet but how fitting for the young snake catcher who was either a heroine or very foolish.
You have executed the style perfectly yet saved the snake.
My brother is a herpatologist and registered snake keeper in Queensland and I'n sure he would have saved the snake as well. (sometimes I don't understand at all)
Each verse unfolded the tale perfectly and I really like the battle of mind you had to contend with in making a decision.
Blessings
Shirley
reply by the author on 08-May-2018
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Hi Tony,
What an amazing marathon is the format of a Heroic Sonnet but how fitting for the young snake catcher who was either a heroine or very foolish.
You have executed the style perfectly yet saved the snake.
My brother is a herpatologist and registered snake keeper in Queensland and I'n sure he would have saved the snake as well. (sometimes I don't understand at all)
Each verse unfolded the tale perfectly and I really like the battle of mind you had to contend with in making a decision.
Blessings
Shirley
Comment Written 02-May-2018
reply by the author on 08-May-2018
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Lovely comments, Shirley, and thanks so much for the six stars. Glad you found a few things of interest in this lengthy sequence. As you say, quite a marathon! All the best, Tony.
Comment from ciliverde
Fantastic job, Tony. You've told a story that had me anxious to find out what you decided about the snake - whether he would live, or die within your well. And I just noticed in your notes that he's a very deadly snake! But destined to grow old and fat in the bushland, bothering nobody but rats and frogs.
I think it's wonderful to use poetry to tell a story - and the crown of sonnets is a lovely way to do that.
A couple of lines that I really like: "The world's a better place when we are kind." That is so true, and we do forget to do this. Also "This snake that came was only seeking life." I've seen here that people "hate" rattlesnakes. But why? They will bite if they feel threatened, and they are poisonous, but they're just busy being snakes - and we may happen to get in their way.
Wonderful job with this!
Carol
reply by the author on 08-May-2018
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Fantastic job, Tony. You've told a story that had me anxious to find out what you decided about the snake - whether he would live, or die within your well. And I just noticed in your notes that he's a very deadly snake! But destined to grow old and fat in the bushland, bothering nobody but rats and frogs.
I think it's wonderful to use poetry to tell a story - and the crown of sonnets is a lovely way to do that.
A couple of lines that I really like: "The world's a better place when we are kind." That is so true, and we do forget to do this. Also "This snake that came was only seeking life." I've seen here that people "hate" rattlesnakes. But why? They will bite if they feel threatened, and they are poisonous, but they're just busy being snakes - and we may happen to get in their way.
Wonderful job with this!
Carol
Comment Written 02-May-2018
reply by the author on 08-May-2018
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Lovely comments, Carol, and thanks so much for the six stars. Glad you enjoyed this lengthy sequence. All the best, Tony.
Comment from closetpoetjester
Stunning write Tony! Despite my pet hate being snakes you had me howling like a damn baby by the half way point for the poor snake and it's plight.
I must agree. The world is MUCH nicer when people are kind. Even to a deadly snake. To be honest I wondered how you were going to get out of this one as I just did NOT see you leaving him there much longer than the last frog haha
This is probably THE best poem of yours I've ever read as far as an emoional response. I quickly became mesmorized with your presenation and lead off and then became heavily invested the further in I got. It was an engaging and suspense filled story and the impending outcome was delightful when delivered...along with some wisdom for good measure haha. Your ability to teach humility through rhyme is simply outstanding Tony.
The pace and pitch are SOOOO perfect and your ending couplets that picked up in each sonnet that followed interlinked beautifully. Especially the end. Ohhh the end.
I broke down of course by this stage and yet I SHOULD have known what was coming as these epics come full circle back to the beginning and that first few lines.
Superb effort, my friend.
Loved this. I'm still bawling LOL.
Wish I could give you two sixers but you'll have to be content with one. Too many favourite lines, honestly ALL of them.
P x
reply by the author on 09-May-2018
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Stunning write Tony! Despite my pet hate being snakes you had me howling like a damn baby by the half way point for the poor snake and it's plight.
I must agree. The world is MUCH nicer when people are kind. Even to a deadly snake. To be honest I wondered how you were going to get out of this one as I just did NOT see you leaving him there much longer than the last frog haha
This is probably THE best poem of yours I've ever read as far as an emoional response. I quickly became mesmorized with your presenation and lead off and then became heavily invested the further in I got. It was an engaging and suspense filled story and the impending outcome was delightful when delivered...along with some wisdom for good measure haha. Your ability to teach humility through rhyme is simply outstanding Tony.
The pace and pitch are SOOOO perfect and your ending couplets that picked up in each sonnet that followed interlinked beautifully. Especially the end. Ohhh the end.
I broke down of course by this stage and yet I SHOULD have known what was coming as these epics come full circle back to the beginning and that first few lines.
Superb effort, my friend.
Loved this. I'm still bawling LOL.
Wish I could give you two sixers but you'll have to be content with one. Too many favourite lines, honestly ALL of them.
P x
Comment Written 02-May-2018
reply by the author on 09-May-2018
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That was one almighty good review, P. Six stars, too! Thank you so much. Greatly appreciated. Tony.
Comment from Artasylum
Tfawcus,
What a lovely poem. You have taken a DEADLY creature and made it the voice of reason and to chose to live in peace.. grow old without fear of war. This is very, very nice piece T. Very much looking forward to more from you. yours, diana
reply by the author on 08-May-2018
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Tfawcus,
What a lovely poem. You have taken a DEADLY creature and made it the voice of reason and to chose to live in peace.. grow old without fear of war. This is very, very nice piece T. Very much looking forward to more from you. yours, diana
Comment Written 02-May-2018
reply by the author on 08-May-2018
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Very many thanks for your review of The Snake, Diana, and for your generous comments. All the best, Tony.
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My pleasure... di
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is a good entry for the Write a Crown of Heroic Sonnets writing prompt.
Well written, well rhymed, and it tells a wonderful tale.
Nicely done and good luck to you with this one in the competition.
Sharon
reply by the author on 08-May-2018
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I think this is a good entry for the Write a Crown of Heroic Sonnets writing prompt.
Well written, well rhymed, and it tells a wonderful tale.
Nicely done and good luck to you with this one in the competition.
Sharon
Comment Written 02-May-2018
reply by the author on 08-May-2018
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Very many thanks for your review of The Snake, Sharon, and for your generous comments. All the best, Tony.