Comment from Bill Schott

Excellent

This senryu, The Visit, is a funny and sad send up to the state of growing older and finding yourself an obligation or after-thought. That's probably more maudlin than intended.

 Comment Written 05-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 05-Jan-2016

Thanks, Bill.

Funny AND sad - I'll just about take that as a description of hat a senryu should be!

Steve

Comment from Leineco

Excellent

pithy!

great use of the senryu form, the human condition
all too many experience.

Best of luck in the voting booth!!!!

 Comment Written 05-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 05-Jan-2016

Thank you. I'll need more than luck, I think!

Steve

Comment from The Mom/DarleneThomson

Excellent

Steve,
I came looking for your Picture this challenge. I didn't find it but felt since you had reviewed my work I would return the favour. While I am not a fan of haikus and senryus I don't let that colour my judgement in my reviewing. Your senryu is very sad. The children finally come to visit and dementia of some sort has set in. Lovely writing.
Blessings,
Darlene

 Comment Written 04-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 05-Jan-2016

Hi, Darlene. I am not a member of the Picture This group - not yet, anyway!

I'm not a big fan of this form either, but occasionally I feel the urge to throw my hat in the ring. It's actually quite difficult to get that slightly ironic tone and I don't think most people really get that it's a requirement of the form.

Yes, this situation is sad, although a few reviewers find humour there, too in the irony.

Thanks for stopping by.

Steve

Comment from angel123

Excellent

Your poem is excellent, well written and meaningful. It is well received and I appreciate your humor. Your artwork choice is great.

Angel123

 Comment Written 04-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 05-Jan-2016

Thanks, Angel - hopefully a balance between humour and sadness...

Steve

Comment from anabellapongasi

Excellent

This is a good entry to the senryu contest. So sad but this happens often. When the children finally decide to visit, too late, the memories of them are not there anymore.
Best wishes in the contest.

Blessings,
Anabella

 Comment Written 04-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 05-Jan-2016

Thanks, Anabella.

Yes, it is a sad situation. I hope the irony of it is suitable for the senryu form.

Steve

Comment from hari anand

Exceptional

this one touched my heart, the expression here in the picture seems to be questioning, who are these people. best of luck

 Comment Written 04-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 05-Jan-2016

Thank you very much for the kind words and the six shiny stars!

Steve

Comment from giraffmang

Excellent

Hi there,

This is quite a powerfully written piece and asks questions of the reader. Losing memory, or useless kids?

Good luck in the competition.
GMG

 Comment Written 04-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 04-Jan-2016

Thank you!

Comment from PoemsOfDD

Excellent

This is a really good Senryu writing prompt contest entry. It is descriptive in the few syllables allowed to paint a story. This is a good piece although sad for a lot of old people that have their memories fade.
Good luck in the competition.

 Comment Written 04-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 04-Jan-2016

Thanks for the kind words.

Comment from Sambangi

Excellent

Very good satire on people who neglect their parents in the old age. It is a big social issue that you tried to address through this short poem. All the best in the contest

 Comment Written 04-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 04-Jan-2016

Thank you. I think my real point here was that the children neglected their parent before s/he reached old age. The irony is that by the time they did pay attention, it was too late.

Steve

reply by Sambangi on 04-Jan-2016

You are welcome...thank you for clarification. I thought grown up children put their parents in old age home and gone to see after a long time..... Eitherway it is good. Poetry is open for interpretation

Comment from Dean Kuch

Excellent

This is a bit comical but at the same time, it is also very sad. My father was diagnosed as having early stages of Alzheimer's Disease. He's already begun to forget simple things, although he's not to the point of the poor protagonist in your poem. Not yet...

I also volunteer in a program through my church called the Adopt a Son or Daughter crusade. What we do is visit elderly shut-ins in area nursing homes who no longer have families of their own, or, none of their family members come to visit them any longer.

Your syllable count s spot-on, and your senryu does deal with human nature, as required.
I wish you the very best of luck in the contest.
~Dean

 Comment Written 04-Jan-2016

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reply by the author on 04-Jan-2016

Thanks, Dean. My father too died with dementia from Alzheimers, although it was only just beginning to be recognised at the time. This poem is not about him, though. I just wanted to explore the irony of how we sometimes begin to care for our elders when it is already too late.

Steve

reply by Dean Kuch on 04-Jan-2016

I'm very sorry to hear about your dad. That's no way for anyone to have to die.
I've always found it a bit ironic that many men will go out of their way to buy flowers for their wives or mothers after they've died, but never once surprise them with flowers while they're still alive and with them. There's something very wrong with that picture, don't you agree?

Good luck to you in the contest.