Comment from Neonewman

Excellent

Another great piece you have delivered Mikey. Beautiful whore, I love the theme of this thought provoking piece. I may have known a few lol.
God bless!
Steve

 Comment Written 29-Dec-2015

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reply by the author on 29-Dec-2015

Yep, so have I. :))
Glad you liked this. I just wish I could get into a real studio or at least buy some decent recording stuff. I know, I'll pretend I'm stealing it for a hungry kid!! mikey

Comment from lightink

Excellent

The title, which is a repeating motif in the poem, is worth a whole essay.
The ambiguity of wanting and despise - there a huge internal war with this. And of course the question: a real prostitute or a woman who bears to much power, thus the person feels need to slight her to take her power away...
Them the part about killing adds to the conflicting psyche description!
Intense poem/song!

 Comment Written 26-Dec-2015

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reply by the author on 26-Dec-2015

Wow, you really key in on the meaning. That is such a delight to me. The killing my only friend part is a little vague. Something along the lines of, "if we become more than friends I fear we will lose our friendship". I don't always have an exact meaning in my own mind sometimes. Just a feeling. Thank you so much again. mikey

Comment from I am Cat

Excellent

Well... ummm... this part:

Somehow I'm right in the middle of this
and I've come to the end
here I am smaller than
(oh? really?) ;)
have I killed my only friend
now I've seen the floor
tell me when
I don't need you anymore

well... not exactly how I thought it would end... ;)
Sigourney Weaver, eh?
Well there you go. LOL
I'd love to hear you in HD... mmmm, or right near my ear... (but then, so would every other woman on this site, so there) LOL
;)
always a pleasure to hear you sing. ;)
Mwah
CAt

 Comment Written 25-Dec-2015

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reply by the author on 26-Dec-2015

That part a bit vague, I admit. Just general turmoil about the relationship, what will become of the friendship should they become lovers. Will everything be lost? Some fear that it is all going to go to hell.
LOL! I appreciate the notion, but all I hear outside my door is crickets and Buddy Holly's been dead a long time. :))
I'm pleased you like the singing. I'm trying to get some actual recording stuff, I promise I sound better without all the noise and stuff. No ... really. :)) mikey

Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca

Excellent

wow different.
What enticed this writing...just curious..just wanted to know the muse.
To have, to lost , to ask...what a progression. Again...history please.

 Comment Written 25-Dec-2015

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reply by the author on 26-Dec-2015

I wrote this a while ago. It's based on a girlfriend I once had who would do one thing and then say the opposite. Kind of a drive you crazy relationship. :))
It was complicated to the point I often questioned the reality of what she said and did. Frustrating and enticing at the same time. I should resist, maybe ... but I can't, so now what? Hahaha. That's more vague than the song isn't it? mikey

Comment from pbomar1115

Excellent

My impression is the allure of a sexy, beautiful woman has ensnared her next customer. The dream of not satisfying his desire cannot be excepted. When he comes back to reality, the spell of the sexy, beautiful woman on the man is broken.

 Comment Written 25-Dec-2015

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reply by the author on 26-Dec-2015

Yeah. That's a good analysis. I would say he isn't sure if he's a customer or her lover. :))
Thanks for the insights. mikey

reply by pbomar1115 on 26-Dec-2015

You're welcome.

Comment from Bill Schott

Excellent

First stanza, third line... sweat

Second stanza, fifth line... swollen

The whole poem sounds like too much booze and a keyboard. The song sounds like exhibit B.

Sorry to be negative.

 Comment Written 25-Dec-2015

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reply by the author on 26-Dec-2015

Geez, I keep fixing those two typos and they seem to show up not fixed. I checked again and they're better now.
Well, back to the booze and keyboard, not necessarily in that order! No worries, mikey

Comment from CallieWVU2

Good

I thought that this worked well, love the title and the image, one of my favorite movies. I did find a two spots that need attention "swet" should be "sweat" in the third line and "here I am smaller than/have I killed my only friend" I don't know if a word is left out but it doesn't seem to be coming together perfectly, it's a bit confusing, and I definitely want to know what is trying to be said, because the poem is most definitely very interesting.

 Comment Written 25-Dec-2015

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reply by the author on 26-Dec-2015

No, nothing missing. I suppose it is a bit vague. It's basically a man torn between losing a good friendship because it's possible in his mind that his girl isn't really what he thinks she is. He fears if he pursues a romantic relationship with her it will fail and he'll lose any king of relationship he might have had. I guess you could say he loves her but isn't sure she truly loves him. It may be a game to her. He isn't sure, so he's agonizing over it. That's still confusing isn't it?
Well, thank you so much for giving it your attention and thought. Your insights are very helpful. I'll take a look at it and see if there's a way to make it more clear. mikey

Comment from Glasstruth

Excellent

This has a very haunting feel to it. Is that we can't get what we desire from our women or that we have nobody to love so we love the whore. I guess that's a useful purpose. The repetition of "Beautiful whore" makes me realize she's a person too. Would make for an interesting song. Well done. Les

 Comment Written 25-Dec-2015

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reply by the author on 26-Dec-2015

Both of these are songs. In fact, the music is attached. :))
Crude cassette recordings, but the gist of it is there if your ears can handle all the noise. You have it correct here too. It's a bit vague, but so was the relationship and of course I'm exaggerrating a lot of it. mikey

Comment from Javed05

Excellent

Nice poem......good rhyming.......good imagery.......engaging for the reader......I like rhyming poems......thanks for sharing with us.....Though I am not sure if u will be able to sing it I front of the audience due to adult content.

 Comment Written 25-Dec-2015

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reply by the author on 26-Dec-2015

It goes over pretty well when I sing it. It is a bit more risque than most of my work. The music is attached if you want to have a listen, just click on the video in the author's notes. :))
Thanks for the positive feedback. mikey

Comment from F. Wehr3

Good

Overall, very good. I have a couple of questions.

The word swet instead of sweat. Is this a simple typo or did you intend to use the older version in a modern piece? If so, why?

Swolen- swollen.

The third stanza. I'm not sure I understand. Is this a euphemism for sex?

All the best.


This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 25-Dec-2015

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reply by the author on 26-Dec-2015

I keep fixing those two typos and they show up still. I must be full of turkey and hitting the wrong buttons. :))
Not sex, really. More desire. She's enticing and seems like she wants him and he's just speechless due to his feelings for her.
Thanks for the help. mikey