The Drunk
People are not always what they appear to be15 total reviews
Comment from Pyrrho
" ... widget ..." I looked this word up and it has no meaning in the context you use it.
Somehow I expected a moral to be delivered for a finally, but all I got was what seems like a spit-in-the-eye to boring writers who always deliver Hollywood endings.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2015
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" ... widget ..." I looked this word up and it has no meaning in the context you use it.
Somehow I expected a moral to be delivered for a finally, but all I got was what seems like a spit-in-the-eye to boring writers who always deliver Hollywood endings.
Comment Written 29-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2015
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Review read.
Comment from bob cullen
And I had you pinned as a song-writer, poet. I now have to add short story writer as well.
This was a great yarn where the characters were wonderfully crafted. Loved both mamma and the drunk but the narrating kid won the award for star performer.
This sure was an entertaining read
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2015
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And I had you pinned as a song-writer, poet. I now have to add short story writer as well.
This was a great yarn where the characters were wonderfully crafted. Loved both mamma and the drunk but the narrating kid won the award for star performer.
This sure was an entertaining read
Comment Written 26-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2015
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Glad you enjoyed this little tale. Your comments and support appreciated.
Comment from Muffins
Powerful!!!!. The point of view of the baby is a genius tactic. Readers witness the action without the noise of inner thoughts from the adult characters.
I'm certain the background story of the kidnapping involved the sperm donor and that's why he killed Jedediah Russell. The death of this "drunk" upset me. He's a character a reader wants to know more about. It's the bravery of the writer to kill off such a magnetic character for the necessity of the plot. I do hope in the future you will bring this interesting character back to life.
Your authors notes matches my one first impression experience and it taught me well. I met a person in a professional manner and the first impression was fantastic. After I started working with this person, that false impression blew up in my face. A tough lesson to learn.
This story leaves me wanting more.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2015
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Powerful!!!!. The point of view of the baby is a genius tactic. Readers witness the action without the noise of inner thoughts from the adult characters.
I'm certain the background story of the kidnapping involved the sperm donor and that's why he killed Jedediah Russell. The death of this "drunk" upset me. He's a character a reader wants to know more about. It's the bravery of the writer to kill off such a magnetic character for the necessity of the plot. I do hope in the future you will bring this interesting character back to life.
Your authors notes matches my one first impression experience and it taught me well. I met a person in a professional manner and the first impression was fantastic. After I started working with this person, that false impression blew up in my face. A tough lesson to learn.
This story leaves me wanting more.
Comment Written 25-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2015
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Glad you enjoyed this little tale. Many FanStorians have "flogged" me for killing the drunk off. Perhaps I will, at some point, revisit that situation, as you suggest. Your comments and support appreciated.
Comment from amada
Your story had me hooked, dear T.J. As a mom, i know how it feels to have a kid . This is a great lesson in how looks could be very different to the core of a person. Loved this story pov.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2015
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Your story had me hooked, dear T.J. As a mom, i know how it feels to have a kid . This is a great lesson in how looks could be very different to the core of a person. Loved this story pov.
Comment Written 25-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2015
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Glad you enjoyed this little tale. Your comments and support appreciated.
Comment from Linda Engel
This grabbed my attention right from the start. Excellent twist and turn of events. The Navy Seal did what he knew should be done and retrieved the baby. The asshole father killed him and mom did what came naturally . Right between the eyes. Who was going to stop her. Great story with good suspense. Cool.
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2015
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This grabbed my attention right from the start. Excellent twist and turn of events. The Navy Seal did what he knew should be done and retrieved the baby. The asshole father killed him and mom did what came naturally . Right between the eyes. Who was going to stop her. Great story with good suspense. Cool.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2015
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Glad you enjoyed this little tale. Your comments and support appreciated.
Comment from judiverse
Interesting story, especially as told by the baby. I don't give the poor tot much of a chance, considering his origins. Both Mom and the loser who was his father don't offer any hope. If Mom is quick on the trigger, she'll surely end up in prison at some point or have the kid taken away because she sounds like an unfit mother. He'd probably be better off in foster care. At least the baby has a great survival instinct. Maybe that'll see him through. A very dark story, but I guess this is the way some people live. judi
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2015
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Interesting story, especially as told by the baby. I don't give the poor tot much of a chance, considering his origins. Both Mom and the loser who was his father don't offer any hope. If Mom is quick on the trigger, she'll surely end up in prison at some point or have the kid taken away because she sounds like an unfit mother. He'd probably be better off in foster care. At least the baby has a great survival instinct. Maybe that'll see him through. A very dark story, but I guess this is the way some people live. judi
Comment Written 23-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2015
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These things happen. Children go missing all the time. Glad you enjoyed this little tale. Your comments and support appreciated.
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You're very welcome. It's a sad thing when children are born into such miserable circumstances. judi
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Brett,
Interesting voice you have chosen to narrate this piece in. Certainly an entertaining voice!
Two dead men and the little man is off to new climbs.
biological sperm donor - is there any other kind? LOL
GMG
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2015
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Hi Brett,
Interesting voice you have chosen to narrate this piece in. Certainly an entertaining voice!
Two dead men and the little man is off to new climbs.
biological sperm donor - is there any other kind? LOL
GMG
Comment Written 23-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2015
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Glad you enjoyed this little tale. Your comments and support appreciated.
Comment from barkingdog
Even thought I didn't want Jedidiah to die, it was an honest ending although now I wonder what happened to Mommy with two dead guys under her belt. Deserving to be dead-guys.
Great POV. And who got the little story teller?
He certainly has a way with words. lol
:) e
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2015
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Even thought I didn't want Jedidiah to die, it was an honest ending although now I wonder what happened to Mommy with two dead guys under her belt. Deserving to be dead-guys.
Great POV. And who got the little story teller?
He certainly has a way with words. lol
:) e
Comment Written 23-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2015
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Glad you enjoyed this little tale. He is safely with his mommy...for now. Who knows what the future may hold though? Glad you enjoyed this little tale. Your comments and support appreciated.
Comment from CobiDawn
Wow this story definetly has some twists and turns I wasn't expecting. But I love this in a story. I agree with you that first impressions are not always accurate. The so called local drunkard wasn't a drunk after all. There was more to the mom than what people anticipated and I love how you wrote the story as if you were T.J.
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2015
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Wow this story definetly has some twists and turns I wasn't expecting. But I love this in a story. I agree with you that first impressions are not always accurate. The so called local drunkard wasn't a drunk after all. There was more to the mom than what people anticipated and I love how you wrote the story as if you were T.J.
Comment Written 22-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2015
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Glad you enjoyed this little tale. Your comments and support appreciated.
Comment from MelB
A very interesting tale written from the baby's point of view. Quite the bar room brawl and mommy was not too shabby with that pistol.
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2015
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A very interesting tale written from the baby's point of view. Quite the bar room brawl and mommy was not too shabby with that pistol.
Comment Written 22-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2015
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Glad you enjoyed this little tale. Your comments and support appreciated.
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You're welcome.