A Book of Love
Viewing comments for Chapter 25 "Naked"Assorted poems of love
21 total reviews
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
yes my love
I want to be naked for you
everything laid bare for you to see
really see me
Naked.
I like your free verse poem, Missy - a way to "bare" all - hide nothing and perhaps see into our souls.
margaret
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2015
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yes my love
I want to be naked for you
everything laid bare for you to see
really see me
Naked.
I like your free verse poem, Missy - a way to "bare" all - hide nothing and perhaps see into our souls.
margaret
Comment Written 27-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2015
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Thank you, Margaret :)
Missy
Comment from mfowler
I read your reviews so far, Missy, and I think this poem is better than the sexy responses it evokes. I think you've laid on the naked revelations to titillate and garner response, and yet your opening is about vulnerability and inner beauty. A poem of seduction is far more seductive when the whole package is on offer (ie body, spirit, mind) but not thrust.
I stand before you naked
vulnerable to your words, your charms
I want to believe the feelings you stir inside me
...(I thought this was excellent. You are vulnerable to words and his physicality.)
naked in the sense that I want to believe what you say
believe the feelings you stir inside me
(This could be so much more powerful if your remove the qualifier: naked in the sense
Try:
naked
I want to believe what you say
believe the feelings you stir inside me
...the word 'naked' is at the crux of your poem and should let the reader work it out.)
naked ... naked in my wantonness for you
in my desire to have you close
(Once again, let 'naked' do the work.
naked
in my wantonness for you
in my desire to have you close)
I want you to see what you do to me
see my body respond to the words you say
to your hands and lips as they touch me
yes, my love, I want to be naked for you
(Up to here works well following your declaration of lustful desire.)
everything laid bare so you can see me
really see ... ME!
(This ending, I found contradictory. At the beginning it was all about vulnerability and getting to love you. Here, you declare you've laid yourself bare so he can see, ME. To me that says you want him to know you more deeply including sensually. Perhaps, an ending like:
really see me
NAKED.....would work better.)
I know I go on a bit and it's not because I can't deal with sex or flesh. I'm a man as much as anyone reading this. But, it's your poetry that teases me. I look for more than what you've delivered at the end of this. It starts beautifully and leaves me wondering what is this man learning about you other than what he knows. You have a deft hand with sensuality. Add deeper layers and I'll gladly pass my sixes on to you.
You may tell me I'm an old fart, and I'll accept that. LOL.
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2015
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I read your reviews so far, Missy, and I think this poem is better than the sexy responses it evokes. I think you've laid on the naked revelations to titillate and garner response, and yet your opening is about vulnerability and inner beauty. A poem of seduction is far more seductive when the whole package is on offer (ie body, spirit, mind) but not thrust.
I stand before you naked
vulnerable to your words, your charms
I want to believe the feelings you stir inside me
...(I thought this was excellent. You are vulnerable to words and his physicality.)
naked in the sense that I want to believe what you say
believe the feelings you stir inside me
(This could be so much more powerful if your remove the qualifier: naked in the sense
Try:
naked
I want to believe what you say
believe the feelings you stir inside me
...the word 'naked' is at the crux of your poem and should let the reader work it out.)
naked ... naked in my wantonness for you
in my desire to have you close
(Once again, let 'naked' do the work.
naked
in my wantonness for you
in my desire to have you close)
I want you to see what you do to me
see my body respond to the words you say
to your hands and lips as they touch me
yes, my love, I want to be naked for you
(Up to here works well following your declaration of lustful desire.)
everything laid bare so you can see me
really see ... ME!
(This ending, I found contradictory. At the beginning it was all about vulnerability and getting to love you. Here, you declare you've laid yourself bare so he can see, ME. To me that says you want him to know you more deeply including sensually. Perhaps, an ending like:
really see me
NAKED.....would work better.)
I know I go on a bit and it's not because I can't deal with sex or flesh. I'm a man as much as anyone reading this. But, it's your poetry that teases me. I look for more than what you've delivered at the end of this. It starts beautifully and leaves me wondering what is this man learning about you other than what he knows. You have a deft hand with sensuality. Add deeper layers and I'll gladly pass my sixes on to you.
You may tell me I'm an old fart, and I'll accept that. LOL.
Comment Written 25-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2015
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I want to earn your respect and your sixes. I will look at all the improvements you suggest, Mark. I can see what you are saying.
As to you being an old fart, hell I am one too!!! LOL
Always,
Missy
Please look again, I have made the changes you suggested.
Comment from The Mom/DarleneThomson
As always your love poems are stunning. They always seem to contain your heart and soul. I love your choice of artwork. Stunning as always my friend.
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2015
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As always your love poems are stunning. They always seem to contain your heart and soul. I love your choice of artwork. Stunning as always my friend.
Comment Written 24-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2015
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Hugs precious Lady!!
Thank you so much!!
Missy xx
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
I enjoyed your poem. You really 'bared' your soul on this one. Good job expressing your feelings. I like the last line about her desire to really be seen by her lover.
Good job. I see no changes. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2015
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I enjoyed your poem. You really 'bared' your soul on this one. Good job expressing your feelings. I like the last line about her desire to really be seen by her lover.
Good job. I see no changes. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 24-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2015
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Wow, again JP, thank you sweetie for this lovely and understanding review :)
Missy
Comment from Brian Terry
I'm very worried about this beach.
It seems to have quite an effect on you!
You say
'Another from my day at the beach where I go to write, sometimes :)'
Phooey.
This poem, I'm convinced, says more about you than you realise.
But yes, I do like it
Brian
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2015
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I'm very worried about this beach.
It seems to have quite an effect on you!
You say
'Another from my day at the beach where I go to write, sometimes :)'
Phooey.
This poem, I'm convinced, says more about you than you realise.
But yes, I do like it
Brian
Comment Written 24-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2015
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Hahaha!!! I am safe at the beach and on the porch, Brian, sweetie! I write from my heart ... it is what poetry is, correct?
xoxo
Always,
Missy
Comment from l.raven
HI Missy, this is so beautifully written...so touching...and so very sensual...just to please that man...very very well written sweet girl...******...love Linda xxoo luff
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2015
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HI Missy, this is so beautifully written...so touching...and so very sensual...just to please that man...very very well written sweet girl...******...love Linda xxoo luff
Comment Written 24-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2015
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Smooches...girlfriend!!! I wait for your reviews. Always seem to be filled with joy and happiness! Thank you, sweetie!
Always,
Missy
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you are so sweet girlfriend...love reading your writes...make me smile...your an angel...thank you...and you are sooooooooooooo welcome...loveeeee ya Linda xxoo
Comment from Jumbo J
Hi Missy,
Okay, now you see my dilemma, I only had one six to give, and well, both of your poems were exceptional... oh yes, I loved them both... and the thread between them... the simplicity and honesty of your thoughts and words.
I wear my heart on my sleeve, always have... and yes, it's left me vulnerable to attack, but I would chose to be no other way... though naked, my truth shields me.
I get that you have created this wonderful poem, that for me held a very ambiguous tone... the very sensual and alluring thoughts of the flesh... And the stripping away of falsities to reveal our true selves, naked, abashed-unashamed... and yes, both that sound so very tasty and enticing on the different levels of reveal.
Beautiful thoughts and beautiful words and so deserved of the exceptional rating... words that made the heart beat that little faster and made the breath a little shorter... I think it's just the voyeur in me? Smile)))))))))).
With our thoughts we create,
the desire of sight,
James vx's.
******Stars!!!!!!
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2015
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Hi Missy,
Okay, now you see my dilemma, I only had one six to give, and well, both of your poems were exceptional... oh yes, I loved them both... and the thread between them... the simplicity and honesty of your thoughts and words.
I wear my heart on my sleeve, always have... and yes, it's left me vulnerable to attack, but I would chose to be no other way... though naked, my truth shields me.
I get that you have created this wonderful poem, that for me held a very ambiguous tone... the very sensual and alluring thoughts of the flesh... And the stripping away of falsities to reveal our true selves, naked, abashed-unashamed... and yes, both that sound so very tasty and enticing on the different levels of reveal.
Beautiful thoughts and beautiful words and so deserved of the exceptional rating... words that made the heart beat that little faster and made the breath a little shorter... I think it's just the voyeur in me? Smile)))))))))).
With our thoughts we create,
the desire of sight,
James vx's.
******Stars!!!!!!
Comment Written 23-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2015
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Big ol southern smile goin on right chea now!!!! Some southern lingo...lol I am gonna thank you once more and shut up before I make a fool of myself over this and the other review :)
XX
Missy
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You in the south... and me in the real south... yeah, there's a connection through directional tone that sings the truth of the heart... sending you the southern breeze that tingles the senses... vx's.
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Love how you end a review...it is what I see in you. Heart
Comment from robyn corum
Everything laid there so you can see me
--> suggest 'Everything laid (bare) so you...'
Also - since you are talking about standing 'naked' and without any defenses - I would also humbly suggest you remove all the capitalization...to help 'create that effect', if you understand what I'm saying...?
Otherwise a nice read, vulnerable. Sweet.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2015
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Everything laid there so you can see me
--> suggest 'Everything laid (bare) so you...'
Also - since you are talking about standing 'naked' and without any defenses - I would also humbly suggest you remove all the capitalization...to help 'create that effect', if you understand what I'm saying...?
Otherwise a nice read, vulnerable. Sweet.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2015
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Hello Robyn, thank you for the review with wonderful fixes. I have taken your suggestions to heart and ask that you look again :)
Always,
Missy
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already re-rated!
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Thank you so much :)
Comment from G.B. Smith
OH MY HECK Missy
That is so friggin sexy. I love the artwork too
big fan of boobs
and now you say you'll stand naked?
OH MY
This is hot and deserves a 6th stat
Bear
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2015
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OH MY HECK Missy
That is so friggin sexy. I love the artwork too
big fan of boobs
and now you say you'll stand naked?
OH MY
This is hot and deserves a 6th stat
Bear
Comment Written 23-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2015
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My my, my, Bear, hon you just over the top fan and I love it!! After the last review on my other on...I needed this redemption xx
Always,
Missy
Comment from Jay Squires
Wow. Well done, Missy. And I saw you with your clothes off again.
We'll have to stop meeting like this.
Now, seriously, I did like this poem (still do). It's honest, direct, and so warmly expressed.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2015
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Wow. Well done, Missy. And I saw you with your clothes off again.
We'll have to stop meeting like this.
Now, seriously, I did like this poem (still do). It's honest, direct, and so warmly expressed.
Comment Written 23-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2015
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I know hon, but what's a girl to do ...when the super-critter of FanStory is the review you are after...lol!!
Thanks, Jay, after the last review of Broken, I needed to come back and read this to get me to smile again.
Always,
MIssy
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Ahhhh, bless you darlin'. Hang in there and keep writing.
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HUGS