Dr. Howler's Nightmares
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Doughnut Muncher"A collection of most unusual bedtime stories
15 total reviews
Comment from ellie6
Another creepy tale, you seem to have found your niche. Each one is more disturbing than the last. The twist about the sherrif being a werewolf is inspired.
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2015
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Another creepy tale, you seem to have found your niche. Each one is more disturbing than the last. The twist about the sherrif being a werewolf is inspired.
Comment Written 27-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2015
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Thanks for your comments and support. Appreciate them very much indeed.
Comment from lalajovanoski
Very nicely composed piece
You are such an amazing writer I truly enjoyed reading this as you are so very talented! Thank you so very much for sharing this as I truly enjoyed reading
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2015
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Very nicely composed piece
You are such an amazing writer I truly enjoyed reading this as you are so very talented! Thank you so very much for sharing this as I truly enjoyed reading
Comment Written 15-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2015
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Thanks for your comments and support.
Comment from lancellot
It is interesting, but somehow coming from the first person, it doesn't have that sense of horror, and being past tense it lacks that anticipation of what will happen next, since it already happened.
note:
A rolling fog covered the densely tree filled hills surrounding the little village and this was the third call to come in tonight.
- I would rephrase the ending of this line. It denotes both present tense and that the reader know what call you are talking about.
So, the distractions of [the] night started rattling my cage in ways I do not enjoy having my cage rattled.
- 'that night' to keep with the past tense
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2015
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It is interesting, but somehow coming from the first person, it doesn't have that sense of horror, and being past tense it lacks that anticipation of what will happen next, since it already happened.
note:
A rolling fog covered the densely tree filled hills surrounding the little village and this was the third call to come in tonight.
- I would rephrase the ending of this line. It denotes both present tense and that the reader know what call you are talking about.
So, the distractions of [the] night started rattling my cage in ways I do not enjoy having my cage rattled.
- 'that night' to keep with the past tense
Comment Written 13-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2015
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Appreciated very much and noted. Do you believe a third person re-write would make it work better?
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yes, you could try it and see how you like it. Present tense also, adds a surprise factor.
Comment from Sis Cat
This is a riveting Western Wolfman story. It is a fun merging of two genres to create a serial killer as executioner. Your writing is tight and moves at a fast pace. Your descriptions are vivid and engaging.
I only had a problem with believing that after such a bloody killing and his transformation to human form, Kyle's "police uniform was neat, and well pressed, looking like I had just picked it up from the dry cleaners." If Kyle has some ancient technique for keeping his clothes clean, he should patent and package it.
This was a fun read that shows great craftsmanship. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2015
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This is a riveting Western Wolfman story. It is a fun merging of two genres to create a serial killer as executioner. Your writing is tight and moves at a fast pace. Your descriptions are vivid and engaging.
I only had a problem with believing that after such a bloody killing and his transformation to human form, Kyle's "police uniform was neat, and well pressed, looking like I had just picked it up from the dry cleaners." If Kyle has some ancient technique for keeping his clothes clean, he should patent and package it.
This was a fun read that shows great craftsmanship. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2015
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Thanksfor your comments and support as always.
Comment from dmt1967
'The moon was big and yellow. A rolling fog covered the densely tree filled hills surrounding the little village and this was the third call to come in tonight.' I would write, 'The big and yellow full moon could just be seen through the fog which covered the tree filled hills...' or something like that.
Otherwise good horror story. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2015
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'The moon was big and yellow. A rolling fog covered the densely tree filled hills surrounding the little village and this was the third call to come in tonight.' I would write, 'The big and yellow full moon could just be seen through the fog which covered the tree filled hills...' or something like that.
Otherwise good horror story. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 11-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2015
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Thanks for your comments and support.
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day Brett. With a name like " Ryan Higgenbottom" you'd just about pray to be eaten by a giant hairy human flesh eating copper I think. LOL. That was a great yarn mate with a fabulous picture to match, you should have entered the werewolf contest the other day, you might have won it. Well done, cheers Fez
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2015
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G'day Brett. With a name like " Ryan Higgenbottom" you'd just about pray to be eaten by a giant hairy human flesh eating copper I think. LOL. That was a great yarn mate with a fabulous picture to match, you should have entered the werewolf contest the other day, you might have won it. Well done, cheers Fez
Comment Written 11-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2015
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I thought about entering the story into a contest but decided let it stand on it own insted. Appreciate your comments and support as always.
Comment from GE Parson
Good Grief Charlie Brown,
From where in your world did this come!?
You need to get acquainted with Dean Kuch
who usually writes about stuff that gives
bad, scary dreams.
Have a bad day, LOL
Your friend,
Jerry
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2015
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Good Grief Charlie Brown,
From where in your world did this come!?
You need to get acquainted with Dean Kuch
who usually writes about stuff that gives
bad, scary dreams.
Have a bad day, LOL
Your friend,
Jerry
Comment Written 10-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2015
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Dean and I are close personal friends but I have no clue where this came from. I sat down with paper and pen and there it was. Thanks for your comments and support.
Comment from Jay Squires
An excitingly entertaining story, Brett. I was afraid at first you introduced the twist too soon, but finding the "gumshoe"/werewolf were one and the same, heightened my interest in his quest for cleaning up the town while satisfying his appetite.
Good job.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2015
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An excitingly entertaining story, Brett. I was afraid at first you introduced the twist too soon, but finding the "gumshoe"/werewolf were one and the same, heightened my interest in his quest for cleaning up the town while satisfying his appetite.
Good job.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2015
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Novel idea but would be nice to have such a critter helping to clean up several "lawless" towns. I do believe. Appreciate your comments and support.
Comment from judiverse
This guy will surely be a rival to "Dexter." Great creative writing with this. You are so adept at anything you try. Excellent idea to have the werewolf a sheriff by day, and as he saw it helping clean up the town at night. Several bad characters in it that wouldn't be missed. You do great work with creating the atmosphere, too, with your descriptions. First person narration works well. Happy trails. judi
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2015
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This guy will surely be a rival to "Dexter." Great creative writing with this. You are so adept at anything you try. Excellent idea to have the werewolf a sheriff by day, and as he saw it helping clean up the town at night. Several bad characters in it that wouldn't be missed. You do great work with creating the atmosphere, too, with your descriptions. First person narration works well. Happy trails. judi
Comment Written 09-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2015
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Thanks for your comments. Wrote first person because I thought it added more to the story.
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I thought this worked really well. Hadn't seen a short story from you before, but you really mined this one. Happy trails. judi
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Brett,
I enjoyed the tale a lot.
Technically well written.
I stumbled a bit with your use of 'gumshoe' which is traditionally used to refer to a private detective or investigator but later on in the story he re-dresses in his police uniform.
I liked the economical telling of the tale. The transformation was very matter of fact and minimalistic.
Pretty good stuff
GMG
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2015
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Hi Brett,
I enjoyed the tale a lot.
Technically well written.
I stumbled a bit with your use of 'gumshoe' which is traditionally used to refer to a private detective or investigator but later on in the story he re-dresses in his police uniform.
I liked the economical telling of the tale. The transformation was very matter of fact and minimalistic.
Pretty good stuff
GMG
Comment Written 09-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2015
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Thank you very much.