Comment from Day Z Chayn

Excellent

I would say that if and when you needed to fight, there ought to have been a purpose in it if you were able to find one. It's interesting that you & the other participants here have the windmill as a 'celestial vantage point' to survey all that is around. I wonder if and when anyone jumped from there if you or they were or were not hurt. This might seem fun to be 'on top of the world,' that is, until you are caught.

I seem to be reminded of Satan tempting Jesus with this one. The devil takes Jesus up to a high place and says, "Surely angels will surround and save you, lest you dash your foot against a stone."

Jesus doesn't jump. One could think of the 'windmill' as metaphor, with it being a sanctuary against the temptations of the heart, either from within or without. I'm going to continue reading this book. it entertains scenarios of probability and possibility which I personally cannot regularly experience for myself now.

Everything seems reminiscent of a simpler time and place here. You are able to recall and bring back these memories, which is the first step towards any and all emotional healing.

Blessings,
Shane

 Comment Written 01-Apr-2015

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reply by the author on 01-Apr-2015

Thanks.

The windmill was extremely high. Most of us were afraid to climb as the steps were worn.
The Jesus story of satin tempting is one I have missed.
These were our good times.
Our father was sometimes crazy so some of my writings are darker.

reply by Day Z Chayn on 01-Apr-2015

The particular story of Jesus I have illustrated is often used at Easter, especially with Catholics. Jesus fasted and prayed for 40 days. In the end, he was tempted almost as many times by Satan himself. Christ stood His ground also. Eventually, Satan left his side. Jesus was ministered to by angels who took the devil's place.

reply by the author on 02-Apr-2015

Thanks for the information.
I was born saturated in religion and don't know how I missed this story.
Perhaps because the religion I was in the men in charge shaved off the parts they did not think helped their personal agendas.

Comment from EMB

Excellent

At first, I thought this was going to be a piece about kids bullying another kid, but then you mention suicide, and it really grabbed my attention. This was a very engaging piece of work.

 Comment Written 25-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 25-Mar-2015

Thank you.

The little red head never followed through, thank heavens.

Comment from Pyrrho

Excellent

The older kids thank full for the distraction; herd ... Thank full=>thankful

Mom will be home soon, she will really be mad if choirs are not done. mad=>angry and choirs=>chores

Mom will be home soon, she will really be mad if choirs are not done. ... this reads like it is a narration by one of your characters. It should read like a narration by an external observer. Such is an annoying error and is often found in published books by well-known authors. I hate it!

I am going to assume you will make the corrections i suggest ... otherwise I assess this as a three-star write. if you do not ... what the hell. We will all live.

 Comment Written 20-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 21-Mar-2015

Thank you for the help.
I seem to be able to get things to stick in my head.

Comment from alf collier

Excellent

Hi cbat. Such a distinct aura of authenticity flows through this story. It had be engrossed from the beginning. A family saga no doubt, but one that could've ended differently, alf

 Comment Written 17-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 17-Mar-2015

Thank you!
This little red head turned into a beauty. Because of the background her life has not been a fairy tale. She suffered much.
Now I can tell you She is a grandma and some of her dreams have come true.

Comment from ericawrites

Good

An interesting story, good imagery, I could picture the scene, a headstrong child, determined to do what she wants. The grammar and punctuation needs some work, for example
1. .. her pile(s) kids.....
2. Spoken word should be in " ".

 Comment Written 16-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 16-Mar-2015

Thank you!
I am working on some things.
The child along with the others are grown but have many insecurity issues.
With so many children itwas bound to happen.

Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin

Excellent

Hi, Cbat,

Good story. Thx for sharing.

I can attest to little sisters getting mad, if they have blonde hair and not red. (*<*) I am my big brother's little baby sister-----Ahhhh, yes, a right of passage.

Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax (*:*)

 Comment Written 16-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 16-Mar-2015

Thank you for the funny reply!

Comment from strandregs

Excellent

The story is told well and in fetching realistic way.
I noticed strange combinations like fellows him.
which in normal would be follows him.
and some more of those.
Enjoyable harsh read.Z.

 Comment Written 16-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 16-Mar-2015

Thank you.
I have a long way to go, getting it right. Your help is appreciated.

Comment from royowen

Excellent

I enjoyed this short excerpt, the concept is really good. I'm glad the little kid got away with being chased down by the others, the fact they saw something "scary", was significant! That's how a lot of kids in poor circumstance protect themselves, by chasing off intruders. Well done, blessings, Roy. Spag:- after her (-) jumping, 2. She (goes to ) will jump. 3. Kids are (thank full) = thankful. 4. Fighting companions. (Companions)

 Comment Written 16-Mar-2015

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reply by the author on 16-Mar-2015

Thank you for reading.
My struggle is correctly putting my life on paper. I seem to have a block in this.
I am 64 years old and still struggling with English.

reply by royowen on 17-Mar-2015

Keep trying and believing, you will make it, I'm behind you. Roy.