Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 56 "Sunka Moon, Part Two"Murder Mystery
38 total reviews
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, writingfundimension, i wanted to go back and get this chapter since i missed it so i wouldn't lose the story line. i enjoyed reading it..
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2014
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this is very well written, writingfundimension, i wanted to go back and get this chapter since i missed it so i wouldn't lose the story line. i enjoyed reading it..
Comment Written 25-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2014
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You've got so much on your plate right now. I really appreciate you going back to read this chapter. That's very kind of you.
Comment from James Dooney
oh hehe the snake and the apple beside it ! quite a descriptive pic I must say to accompany your work - which i liked a lot !
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2014
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oh hehe the snake and the apple beside it ! quite a descriptive pic I must say to accompany your work - which i liked a lot !
Comment Written 14-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2014
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Thanks for the rockin' review, JD. Glad you liked both the snake and the story. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Righteous Riter
This chapter comes in as Jana wanted to rip down the pornographic pictures due to shame. Strong emotions as Jana tried to keep from crying. Clear dialogue between Rick, Jana and Skeets. The intensity raises as Uncle Tony has been kidnapped leading to a big decision for Jana.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2014
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This chapter comes in as Jana wanted to rip down the pornographic pictures due to shame. Strong emotions as Jana tried to keep from crying. Clear dialogue between Rick, Jana and Skeets. The intensity raises as Uncle Tony has been kidnapped leading to a big decision for Jana.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2014
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Thank you so much, RR. I appreciate your generosity and encouragement. :0) Bev
Comment from Joan E.
My you are prolific these days, and you chose another striking artwork. Your phrase "she pressed her thumbs to the boy's eyes" is quite compelling. I was impressed by Jana's therapist's trick to regain control. There are so many layers in this chapter and Jana's conflict at the end is palpable. Very well conceived and executed- Joan
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2014
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My you are prolific these days, and you chose another striking artwork. Your phrase "she pressed her thumbs to the boy's eyes" is quite compelling. I was impressed by Jana's therapist's trick to regain control. There are so many layers in this chapter and Jana's conflict at the end is palpable. Very well conceived and executed- Joan
Comment Written 14-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2014
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Joan, thank you so very much for this really awesome review. The section you mention was important to me in that it pointed to the Native Americans' innate dignity and is so much a part of Jana's character. Thanks for reading and for your encouragement. Hugs, Bev
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The theme of the Native Americans' dignity resonates in your writing. Thank you for sharing this rich story. Happy weekend when it arrives- Joan
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Thanks for getting that Joan. I so appreciate your encouragement. :0) Bev
Comment from DALLAS01
This is a riveting chapter. Full of emotion, and sharply defined characterization. I could feel Jana being stretched taut as a rubber band about to break. Torn between the repelling evidence and her sense of professionalism.
Her brisk, back-to-business tone broke the spell in the room
We can see her spring back into action in this one short sentence.
"I think so." She slid her fingers into the small opening between the edge of the drawer and the shelf above it. "Feels like a solid object. Let me see if I can move it out of the way." She felt a sharp pain in her knuckles where wood splinters poked through the skin. But she kept on maneuvering it from side to side until it gave away.
This kind of concise detail makes the reader reflect on the
last time they may have done the exact same thing, in the exact same way. The precision is faultless.
The reader can feel the weight of the world pressing down on Jana in the last four sentences.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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This is a riveting chapter. Full of emotion, and sharply defined characterization. I could feel Jana being stretched taut as a rubber band about to break. Torn between the repelling evidence and her sense of professionalism.
Her brisk, back-to-business tone broke the spell in the room
We can see her spring back into action in this one short sentence.
"I think so." She slid her fingers into the small opening between the edge of the drawer and the shelf above it. "Feels like a solid object. Let me see if I can move it out of the way." She felt a sharp pain in her knuckles where wood splinters poked through the skin. But she kept on maneuvering it from side to side until it gave away.
This kind of concise detail makes the reader reflect on the
last time they may have done the exact same thing, in the exact same way. The precision is faultless.
The reader can feel the weight of the world pressing down on Jana in the last four sentences.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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Hi, Dallas. Thank you much for this detailed and very encouraging review. So helpful for you to mention those sections that you felt worked, too. I really do take these words to heart and try to integrate the insights into future chapters. I'm always learning how to write better and a review like this is immeasurably helpful. Warmest regards, Bev
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You're welcome. I hope you intend to seek out a publisher for this.
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An editor first and then, hopefully, if there's anything left after the chop, chop, chop, a publisher. Thanks, Dallas. xx
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Dear Bev - I'm squeaking this one in at twilight....else I'll scare myself silly.
Great action and excitement in this post. The crime work was fabulous and had great detail. Also thought you handled Jana with as much power needed to hold her both as a family member and cop. Expressive writing and keeping me on the edge of where your going with this story.
Virtual six since I am out - but it deserves one.
Thanks for sharing it.
Maureen
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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Dear Bev - I'm squeaking this one in at twilight....else I'll scare myself silly.
Great action and excitement in this post. The crime work was fabulous and had great detail. Also thought you handled Jana with as much power needed to hold her both as a family member and cop. Expressive writing and keeping me on the edge of where your going with this story.
Virtual six since I am out - but it deserves one.
Thanks for sharing it.
Maureen
Comment Written 13-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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Maureen, I'm just thrilled by your review. Thank you so very much for taking time to read. Your insights and encouragememt mean as much as any one more star could. Love, Bev
Comment from bhogg
Certainly holds your readers attention. Driving with dialogue helped.You have a great story going with this one. The art-work was perfect, reflecting malevolence. Well done. Bill
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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Certainly holds your readers attention. Driving with dialogue helped.You have a great story going with this one. The art-work was perfect, reflecting malevolence. Well done. Bill
Comment Written 13-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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Bill, thank you very much for taking time to read my chapter. It's especially generous given how far along in the story this is. I appreciate both your support and generosity. Bev
Comment from califdot
First of all, I want to congratulate you on your award recognition. You have a very interesting story! It captivated me almost immediately and I wanted to read more. Your story flows nicely and has very believable characters. Your writing style is a nice conversational tone. Your dialog is realistic and believable. I was expecting a lot worse curse words with the warning and was pleasantly surprised that it was not as bad as I originally thought it would be. The story is enjoyable to read. You have done a great job of pulling your reader into your story.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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First of all, I want to congratulate you on your award recognition. You have a very interesting story! It captivated me almost immediately and I wanted to read more. Your story flows nicely and has very believable characters. Your writing style is a nice conversational tone. Your dialog is realistic and believable. I was expecting a lot worse curse words with the warning and was pleasantly surprised that it was not as bad as I originally thought it would be. The story is enjoyable to read. You have done a great job of pulling your reader into your story.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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Thank you so much for taking time to read my chapter I appreciate your generosity and encourgement. Hope you'll stop by again, califdot. Warmest regards, Bev
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I will, and you are welcome!
Comment from barkingdog
What a position to put Jana in. She is loyal to both her tribe and her position as a detective. Excellent build up to this point, Bev. Clear and fast reading. Smooth as butter.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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What a position to put Jana in. She is loyal to both her tribe and her position as a detective. Excellent build up to this point, Bev. Clear and fast reading. Smooth as butter.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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Thank you so very much, Ellen. I'm working to bring the elements into cohesion now, so this review - as well as being very generous - is most helpful. I appreicate your continued support, my friend. Hugs, Bev
Comment from buzclick
Very good, I like the dynamics of this story. The directions it has taken are unique and strangely believable.
Good work and excellent story telling.
Thanks for posting.
"No... he's not dead. Kidnapped. And the one who has him says Tony will be released in exchange for the priest."
Jana gripped the phone to stop the trembling of her hand. "We'd be asking Father Brian to face certain death in exchange for Unci? I don't know if I can do that."
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2014
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Very good, I like the dynamics of this story. The directions it has taken are unique and strangely believable.
Good work and excellent story telling.
Thanks for posting.
"No... he's not dead. Kidnapped. And the one who has him says Tony will be released in exchange for the priest."
Jana gripped the phone to stop the trembling of her hand. "We'd be asking Father Brian to face certain death in exchange for Unci? I don't know if I can do that."
Comment Written 12-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2014
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Thank you so much for this gracious and encouraging review, B. I much appreciate it! Warm regards, Bev