The Heart of Poetry
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Desert Daisies"'Tis not the Bard, but pretty good poetry anyway
24 total reviews
Comment from Sagnik Das
The candidness & lucidity of this poem is the intrinsic aspect that sets it apart. Marked by a pragmatic undertone, it seeks to delight, & in doing so, appeals directly to the senses; the reader should inevitably be pleased by the attentiveness imparted to naturalistic imagery, & the way you ascribe picturesque epithets (such as 'vibrant variance' & so on) to refer to the beauty of the flowers against a rugged backdrop ('desert sand').
The thematic constraints have been remarkably fulfilled, with a soporific admixture of both perfect & proximate rhymes ('sand', 'land' & 'size', 'alive' respectively), & there thrives every reason for me to commend you wholeheartedly over your subtle improvisation in conjuring a precise overview of your theme, with the most befitting picture that reverberates every word you write.
I would however recommend a couple of minute suggestions today, Carolyn:
I would entreat you, in the opening line, to simply pluralize 'Daisy's' to 'Daisies' for narrative coherence, & lastly,
In the expression "Finger of mine show delicate size", transform the modal verb ('show') to its indefinite form ('shows')for grammatical parity...
That is all, my dear friend. As for the rest, I have only two words to exclaim:
CHARMING! DISCERNABLE! :)
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2014
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The candidness & lucidity of this poem is the intrinsic aspect that sets it apart. Marked by a pragmatic undertone, it seeks to delight, & in doing so, appeals directly to the senses; the reader should inevitably be pleased by the attentiveness imparted to naturalistic imagery, & the way you ascribe picturesque epithets (such as 'vibrant variance' & so on) to refer to the beauty of the flowers against a rugged backdrop ('desert sand').
The thematic constraints have been remarkably fulfilled, with a soporific admixture of both perfect & proximate rhymes ('sand', 'land' & 'size', 'alive' respectively), & there thrives every reason for me to commend you wholeheartedly over your subtle improvisation in conjuring a precise overview of your theme, with the most befitting picture that reverberates every word you write.
I would however recommend a couple of minute suggestions today, Carolyn:
I would entreat you, in the opening line, to simply pluralize 'Daisy's' to 'Daisies' for narrative coherence, & lastly,
In the expression "Finger of mine show delicate size", transform the modal verb ('show') to its indefinite form ('shows')for grammatical parity...
That is all, my dear friend. As for the rest, I have only two words to exclaim:
CHARMING! DISCERNABLE! :)
Comment Written 07-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2014
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Thank you Sagnik for this great review. I am glad you liked Desert Daisies. I will make those changes asap, and appreciate you for pointing them out. Are things well with you, family and school? Love to you my friend, :-) Carolyn
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Sigh... no. I am having to work indefatigably on a temporary basis (besides attending University) & can hardly keep up with the rigor. The family, I am afraid, is not doing well economically -- crises pervade, & we are barely managing to keep up.
The strain of vexations & anxieties augment each day... it is difficult to bear...
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Going to school and working is difficult at its best. Believe me I know, I did that myself.. You will one day look back, you will have a career due to your education, and not be so economically strapped. These are hard times for you. I have faith that it will turn out well in the end. Love, Carolyn
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With all your benediction, I trust it shall..
Comment from The Death
Hi, Carolyn. :)
I love the picture and your words too.
It paints a beautiful, serene picture of the dancing daisies.
Excellent use of rhyming here.
The last line is my favorite.
Nice use of V alliteration there.
I enjoyed reading it.
Good luck!
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2014
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Hi, Carolyn. :)
I love the picture and your words too.
It paints a beautiful, serene picture of the dancing daisies.
Excellent use of rhyming here.
The last line is my favorite.
Nice use of V alliteration there.
I enjoyed reading it.
Good luck!
Comment Written 07-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2014
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Thanks so much Anupam, I always appreciate your great reviews and helpful comments. :-) Carolyn
Comment from bichonfrisegirl
This is lovely, Carolyn!
Excellent alliteration with 'vibrant variance'. Loved your closing line, and of course, your write befit the picture perfectly ... bonus!
I'm also partial to the 'daisy'. My fave dog was named Daisy. :)
Will this one be a book marker?
Best wishes for the ABC poetry contest, Carolyn.
Connie :)
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2014
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This is lovely, Carolyn!
Excellent alliteration with 'vibrant variance'. Loved your closing line, and of course, your write befit the picture perfectly ... bonus!
I'm also partial to the 'daisy'. My fave dog was named Daisy. :)
Will this one be a book marker?
Best wishes for the ABC poetry contest, Carolyn.
Connie :)
Comment Written 06-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2014
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I think I did a Daisy book marker, but it could be I suppose. Good idea. Thanks for this wonderful review and good wishes. :-) Carolyn
Comment from AprilShower
These flowers must grow everywhere. I've seen them many places while walking. I enjoyed the poem, Carolyn. You did well with this poem. I have no suggestions. Good luck with the contest.
April
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2014
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These flowers must grow everywhere. I've seen them many places while walking. I enjoyed the poem, Carolyn. You did well with this poem. I have no suggestions. Good luck with the contest.
April
Comment Written 06-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2014
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They are bright little things, I have seen them elsewhere too I think. Thanks April for the great review and generous rating.
:-) Carolyn
Comment from brittanydawngray
I love the picture. I also love your poem as well. Daisy's happen to be one of my favorite flowers. It's beautiful to see them thriving in the dry desert. I love your poem.
Brittany Dawn Gray
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2014
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I love the picture. I also love your poem as well. Daisy's happen to be one of my favorite flowers. It's beautiful to see them thriving in the dry desert. I love your poem.
Brittany Dawn Gray
Comment Written 05-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2014
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Thanks Brittany Dawn, and I love your name... Daisies seem to make everyone smile. I am delighted you enjoyed this little poem. :-) Carolyn
Comment from Spitfire
Finger of mine show delicate size -- a clever line inspired by the picture. Great use of alliteration d and v sounds. Natural choices for end rhyme. The comparison to tumble-weeds nails this.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2014
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Finger of mine show delicate size -- a clever line inspired by the picture. Great use of alliteration d and v sounds. Natural choices for end rhyme. The comparison to tumble-weeds nails this.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2014
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You should see those tumble weeds, we were under attack on the Interstate for miles and miles. LOL So glad you enjoyed this one Shari, :-) Carolyn
Comment from GracieAnn
Carolyn, this is a delicate write that uses those kinds of words to express a fragile yet resilient flower willing to grow in a dry climate and grace the land with color. Solid rhyme and fresh words. Well done.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2014
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Carolyn, this is a delicate write that uses those kinds of words to express a fragile yet resilient flower willing to grow in a dry climate and grace the land with color. Solid rhyme and fresh words. Well done.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2014
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And a 'thank you ma'am' to you for this kind review. They are the tiniest little things. Loved them. :-) Carolyn
Comment from l.raven
Carolyn, I love your poem...next Roses I love Daisies...they are a happy flower to me...so very pretty...very well written...and good luck in the contest...Luff Linda xxoo
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2014
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Carolyn, I love your poem...next Roses I love Daisies...they are a happy flower to me...so very pretty...very well written...and good luck in the contest...Luff Linda xxoo
Comment Written 05-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2014
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I appreciate the good luck wishes as well as this wonderful review and stars. I am with you, roses and daisies and well I do have to admit, I am a big fan of dandelions. :-) Carolyn
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your so welcome...xxoo
Comment from Lynette Marie
Finger of mine show delicate size -- I love this line, it's so unique. What beautiful little flowers they are, made more so by the hearty nature to bloom in the desert. Lovely poem in perfect format.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2014
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Finger of mine show delicate size -- I love this line, it's so unique. What beautiful little flowers they are, made more so by the hearty nature to bloom in the desert. Lovely poem in perfect format.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2014
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Lynette, thank you for your lovely comments and rating. I am delighted you liked Desert Daisies. :-) Carolyn
Comment from krys123
I enjoyed reading your poem because of the delicate and descriptive imagery of the daisies you saw in the desert. Your choice of picture complement your poem very much in your poem definitely through your words complemented the picture just as well. Thank you so much for sharing this with others. Your ABC poem was written very well imagine wish you good luck for the ABC poetry contest. May you be blessed.
Alex
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2014
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I enjoyed reading your poem because of the delicate and descriptive imagery of the daisies you saw in the desert. Your choice of picture complement your poem very much in your poem definitely through your words complemented the picture just as well. Thank you so much for sharing this with others. Your ABC poem was written very well imagine wish you good luck for the ABC poetry contest. May you be blessed.
Alex
Comment Written 05-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2014
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Thanks Alex, I am so happy you enjoyed this one. Your comments are so encouraging to me. Have a great day, Carolyn
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You are so sincerely welcome Carolyn.
Alex