Stories of the Dreamtime
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Sweet Water Child"Aboriginal myths and legends.
17 total reviews
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
I thought this was well written. I enjoyed the story. One thing you may want to look at is showing a little more and telling less.
An example: Dania was dearly loved by all the members of her tribe; selfless and kind to everyone - she was a treasure.
That's telling.
"Dania!" a tribesman said when he saw Dania.
"Good morning. Have you had a good breakfast?" she replied.
"Oh, you are so kind." he replied
We can gather from how others interact with her and how she interacts with them her character. And this gives us the opportunity to get to know her in a more personal way.
That's my only suggestion. I enjoyed reading it. Wonderful job.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2022
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I thought this was well written. I enjoyed the story. One thing you may want to look at is showing a little more and telling less.
An example: Dania was dearly loved by all the members of her tribe; selfless and kind to everyone - she was a treasure.
That's telling.
"Dania!" a tribesman said when he saw Dania.
"Good morning. Have you had a good breakfast?" she replied.
"Oh, you are so kind." he replied
We can gather from how others interact with her and how she interacts with them her character. And this gives us the opportunity to get to know her in a more personal way.
That's my only suggestion. I enjoyed reading it. Wonderful job.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2022
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Thank you Michael. I wrote the series a long time ago. Thought it would shed a different light on aboriginal stories. Thanks for comments. K xx
Comment from Charlotte Morse
This story is wonderful! If I had any sixes left you would have definitely received one! I'm sorry I don't.
Is it a traditional Aborigine folktale, or one that you've created? Either way it's excellent!
Your descriptions at the beginning of the flora, fauna, sights and sounds really conjured all up, I could see it in my mind's eye.
Beautifully written, thanks for sharing.
Charlotte
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2022
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This story is wonderful! If I had any sixes left you would have definitely received one! I'm sorry I don't.
Is it a traditional Aborigine folktale, or one that you've created? Either way it's excellent!
Your descriptions at the beginning of the flora, fauna, sights and sounds really conjured all up, I could see it in my mind's eye.
Beautifully written, thanks for sharing.
Charlotte
Comment Written 22-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2022
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Hello Charlotte, I am so pleased you enjoyed. It is folklore written a long time ago. My grandmother was aboriginal and I decided to write about our culture. I will be releasing another 16 chapters! Thanks again. K xx
Comment from aryr
This was indeed a story of good conquering evil. Young Dania was lured by the evil Meribah, but her sense of goodness, of caring and understanding surpassed his evil. He lost the battle, she may have lost her life but she lives on in the tales and in the goodness. Very, very well done, thanks so much for sharing.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2018
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This was indeed a story of good conquering evil. Young Dania was lured by the evil Meribah, but her sense of goodness, of caring and understanding surpassed his evil. He lost the battle, she may have lost her life but she lives on in the tales and in the goodness. Very, very well done, thanks so much for sharing.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2018
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This I remember was one of my favorites to write and I got just the right photo. Readers loved it. I think it was one of my best stories. How about you start your own book called Tales of My Forefathers?? If you keep it to short stories (as I did) more will read same. Americans were fascinated with Australian culture that I wrote about (haven't added any more of late.)
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This was indeed a special one, awwww you should add to them. (smile)
Comment from Lovinia
Hi Kay
CONGRATULATIONS on third placing in the BOM ... fantastic and well deserved. I wanted to get back to read some more of your Dreamtime ... at least seeing you on the front page reminded me.
This is a charming, mystic and beautiful story. You write so in tune with the story you tell and I found no typos and the sentence structure seems well formed.
As usual you beautiful imagery sets an amazing and accurate scene of the Australian Outback, in this instance, Kakadu. As a reader I'm drawn into your story and made to feel welcome as an observer of such n important story. I love how you manage to cover such wonderful descriptions of our wild-life and the tribal village by the billabong.
Again your treatment of the drought and dryness is such a treat even for one so familiar with this kind of scene as I am. I never tire of reading stories of the outback or viewing the wonderful scenes from our glorious coast to the highlands and deserts and of our indigenous people.The 'tourists' from other countries who have not been here must read this and marvel at what is truly an alien landscape, there is non other like it in the world.
Of course I enjoy stories from other lands with their own unique cultures and landscapes. I love the image you have found which embellishes and complements your story. Eloquently penned .... really masterful. Enjoy the kudos and be proud of your win ... fantastic ... I'm so happy for you.
Warmest hugs - Lovi xoxoxox So sorry, I should have waited until I had a six. BRAVO!!
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013
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Hi Kay
CONGRATULATIONS on third placing in the BOM ... fantastic and well deserved. I wanted to get back to read some more of your Dreamtime ... at least seeing you on the front page reminded me.
This is a charming, mystic and beautiful story. You write so in tune with the story you tell and I found no typos and the sentence structure seems well formed.
As usual you beautiful imagery sets an amazing and accurate scene of the Australian Outback, in this instance, Kakadu. As a reader I'm drawn into your story and made to feel welcome as an observer of such n important story. I love how you manage to cover such wonderful descriptions of our wild-life and the tribal village by the billabong.
Again your treatment of the drought and dryness is such a treat even for one so familiar with this kind of scene as I am. I never tire of reading stories of the outback or viewing the wonderful scenes from our glorious coast to the highlands and deserts and of our indigenous people.The 'tourists' from other countries who have not been here must read this and marvel at what is truly an alien landscape, there is non other like it in the world.
Of course I enjoy stories from other lands with their own unique cultures and landscapes. I love the image you have found which embellishes and complements your story. Eloquently penned .... really masterful. Enjoy the kudos and be proud of your win ... fantastic ... I'm so happy for you.
Warmest hugs - Lovi xoxoxox So sorry, I should have waited until I had a six. BRAVO!!
Comment Written 07-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013
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Wow! Thank you Lovi - for your in-depth review and kind comments. My grandmother was aboriginal - I decided to write about my people because they have lost so much of their culture. I keep it light - I could go deeper into the slavery that they experienced through the whites. I thought better of it, sour grapes never changed anything and we can't go back. Bless you girl. Love, Kay.
Comment from jlsavell
Aussie, you my friend are a storyteller of great. Your imagery is superb. The sights, the sounds, the characters all come alive. Fascinating, absolutely. I will get to the rest. I apologize profusely.. jimi
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2013
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Aussie, you my friend are a storyteller of great. Your imagery is superb. The sights, the sounds, the characters all come alive. Fascinating, absolutely. I will get to the rest. I apologize profusely.. jimi
Comment Written 02-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2013
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Hello my dear friend Jimi, Thank you for your kind comments; still have time to vote. Love, Kay.
Comment from barkingdog
I thought I'd read this because of your BOM nomination.It's a wonderful story, written in the style of a tribal story teller. Your intro with various animals survival through the Australian dry season and the scene of the dying billabong and it's revival with Dania's death turning it into healing waters with fresh fish was excellent.
Best of luck in the contest. You're doing very well so far. :) ellen
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2013
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I thought I'd read this because of your BOM nomination.It's a wonderful story, written in the style of a tribal story teller. Your intro with various animals survival through the Australian dry season and the scene of the dying billabong and it's revival with Dania's death turning it into healing waters with fresh fish was excellent.
Best of luck in the contest. You're doing very well so far. :) ellen
Comment Written 28-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2013
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Hello Ellen, Thanks so much for taking the time to read; glad you enjoyed the story. Blessings, Kay.
Comment from Ric Myworld
Interesting story that is descriptive and paints a picture that puts the read right in the conflict. Thanks for another enjoyable chapter!
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2013
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Interesting story that is descriptive and paints a picture that puts the read right in the conflict. Thanks for another enjoyable chapter!
Comment Written 30-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2013
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Ric, Thanks for reading and glad you enjoyed. Cheers, Kay.
Comment from Eleanor Buron
'gunyah, homes' - no comma is needed.
Wonderful story! When in Australia I pet a dingo, a baby wombat, kangaroos, saw baby joeys in their moms' pockets ;) !! I loved your country. The aboriginal art was
truly inspiring in their stories - some were painted on bark.
There is sadness in the story you've written but it all turns out for the good - Again, your stories educate readers to the lore, the myths of your land. I so enjoyed this one!! (I didn't realize my sixes were gone and I have all week to go - this story is a ten-star!
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2013
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'gunyah, homes' - no comma is needed.
Wonderful story! When in Australia I pet a dingo, a baby wombat, kangaroos, saw baby joeys in their moms' pockets ;) !! I loved your country. The aboriginal art was
truly inspiring in their stories - some were painted on bark.
There is sadness in the story you've written but it all turns out for the good - Again, your stories educate readers to the lore, the myths of your land. I so enjoyed this one!! (I didn't realize my sixes were gone and I have all week to go - this story is a ten-star!
Comment Written 28-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2013
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Wow! Thanks so much Elly - so pleased that you saw my country. I like to tell Americans and others about our land of contrasts. "I love a sunburnt country, a land of sweeping plains, of drought and flooding rains (excerpt from Dorothea McKellar's poem that I grew up with - it is a very long poem but well worth reading. If you send me your address I can send you a Christmas card? Love, Kay. kays@tadaust.org.au.
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Will do. I may still have yours but better give it to me again. Elly
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email: kays@tadaust.org. au. Address: Kay Steward
216a Pallas St. Maryborough QLD 4650 Australia.
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi K,
This is a beautiful story but I was sad when the child died. I wasn't expecting that. However, her spirit healed all those who needed it and brought sweet water to the people along with sweet fish. You wrote this story very well and I enjoyed it immensely....blessings, chey
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2013
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Hi K,
This is a beautiful story but I was sad when the child died. I wasn't expecting that. However, her spirit healed all those who needed it and brought sweet water to the people along with sweet fish. You wrote this story very well and I enjoyed it immensely....blessings, chey
Comment Written 28-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2013
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Chey, Thanks so much for reading - we believe that the spirit is eternal and when someone dies it is their time to return to Baiame, Great Spirit. We also believe that nothing ever dies - we are recycled! Love, Kay.
Comment from Evelyn Fort Stewart
What is a billabong? A crocodile can breathe one time in five minutes and live? How long can he do that?Very, very interesting and well done. i love learning about others cultures. Wonderful piece. God loves you and we do too.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2013
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What is a billabong? A crocodile can breathe one time in five minutes and live? How long can he do that?Very, very interesting and well done. i love learning about others cultures. Wonderful piece. God loves you and we do too.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2013
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Hello Sweet Peas, A billabong is a water-hole. Crocs are ancient animals and being in the reptile family he can do it when he likes - snakes also. Glad you both enjoyed. Love, K.
