Songs
Viewing comments for Chapter 17 "With No One"Song lyrics with music attached
13 total reviews
Comment from amanda98653
A beautiful poem you've penned down, Mike:)
A free verse you've written there- emotions flowing out of your heart
Very good use of enjambment throughout the whole poem.
Emotions uncontrolled,
An unhindered, unceasing flow of thought/ speech
Creating a sense of quickness or even a frantic pace of the poem.
"When the rain doesn't stop
Its quicksand"- a hint of pathetic fallacy there
"quicksand", "doesn't stop"- words and phrases conveying the never ending flow of emotions
The second stanza leaves a sense of ambivalence- a creation that's understandable.
Very good use of rhetorical question- "what have you taken from me?"
Makes the reader ponder,
Also suggests the endless pondering which the main character has to endure.
"hold me captive"- a prisoner who's stuck and trapped
"I live in stolen moments
That I cradle in the graveyard
Of what you can our love"
Cradle..supposed to signify warmth and care..but when placed together with "graveyard" (kind of link to the sense of ambivalence you've already portrayed in the previous lines)..the love is deadly.
"I love someone somewhere
You love your morning coffee
That you drink with no one"
The ruthless nature of love.
Sigh. I do believe that no one is content with loneliness.
God bless
Amanda
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2013
  |
A beautiful poem you've penned down, Mike:)
A free verse you've written there- emotions flowing out of your heart
Very good use of enjambment throughout the whole poem.
Emotions uncontrolled,
An unhindered, unceasing flow of thought/ speech
Creating a sense of quickness or even a frantic pace of the poem.
"When the rain doesn't stop
Its quicksand"- a hint of pathetic fallacy there
"quicksand", "doesn't stop"- words and phrases conveying the never ending flow of emotions
The second stanza leaves a sense of ambivalence- a creation that's understandable.
Very good use of rhetorical question- "what have you taken from me?"
Makes the reader ponder,
Also suggests the endless pondering which the main character has to endure.
"hold me captive"- a prisoner who's stuck and trapped
"I live in stolen moments
That I cradle in the graveyard
Of what you can our love"
Cradle..supposed to signify warmth and care..but when placed together with "graveyard" (kind of link to the sense of ambivalence you've already portrayed in the previous lines)..the love is deadly.
"I love someone somewhere
You love your morning coffee
That you drink with no one"
The ruthless nature of love.
Sigh. I do believe that no one is content with loneliness.
God bless
Amanda
Comment Written 27-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2013
-
so very true. I find contentment alone. but, never lonely when I am able to name who I miss. I so appreciate your in depth reviews. I often find that my own work is made more clear to myself. this is a song I wrote. thought the lyrics held up pretty well on their own. thank you for the excellent review, mikey
-
Wow. A songwriter:)
That's awesome. I wrote a few songs myself..haha Always too shy to share.
You're welcome, Mikey:)
Amanda
-
DON'T be shy. my writing sat on a shelf for decades unread until I found this little place. wasn't afraid to rock and roll though. go figure. mikey
-
haha. Just sharing a bit of my personality there.
Same! I wrote poems inside journals..and never got the chance to really share 'em till I found fanstory. haha.
Most writers here truly appreciate what you compose..so that's goodie.
Amanda
Comment from Uniqusatya
Deep emotion conveyed with grace.Only towards the end could we know the real emotion expressed.I particularly liked the last stanza with a little sarcastic touch.
Have a nice day.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2013
 |
Deep emotion conveyed with grace.Only towards the end could we know the real emotion expressed.I particularly liked the last stanza with a little sarcastic touch.
Have a nice day.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2013
-
Appreciate your kind words and thoughts. Your words indicate you enjoyed my piece. However, your rating indicate that you found flaws or areas that were lacking in some way. I wonder if you would be so kind as to elaborate? It is always helpful to hear critical thought considering one's work. It gives the author insight for improvement and validates the authors effort. warm regards, mike
Comment from WN BUCHAN
I love that poem, it is so fitting for a situation that I know. The poem speaks truth, but what about children? They are innocent souls looking for love and direction. Sometimes it is very difficult to follow your heart. Great write Nigel.
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2013
|
I love that poem, it is so fitting for a situation that I know. The poem speaks truth, but what about children? They are innocent souls looking for love and direction. Sometimes it is very difficult to follow your heart. Great write Nigel.
Comment Written 25-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2013
-
great review. no children thank God. but, that would make it so much the worse. thoughtful response. thank you.
Comment from Carolyn 'Deaton' Stephens
A feeling of Obligation, you certainly did reflect this in your poem. I couldn't put a name to it until I read your author notes. Some people commit, stay and live in the shadow of an overpowering person all their life, instead of leaving for a life of their own. And one of them calls it love, Good luck, Carolyn
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2013
|
A feeling of Obligation, you certainly did reflect this in your poem. I couldn't put a name to it until I read your author notes. Some people commit, stay and live in the shadow of an overpowering person all their life, instead of leaving for a life of their own. And one of them calls it love, Good luck, Carolyn
Comment Written 24-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2013
-
it took me a long time to figure out what the feeling was too. I knew it was specific and what it felt like but, the name of it eluded me for some time. the picture actually brought the word out. thank you for your insights and excellent and thoughtful review.
Comment from ravenblack
This poem boils down to one simple stanza- the last stanza says it all. One wanting to be somewhere else, the other going through the motions- well both, really. Just one content to do so. And the other fetching coffee. Very sad.
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2013
|
This poem boils down to one simple stanza- the last stanza says it all. One wanting to be somewhere else, the other going through the motions- well both, really. Just one content to do so. And the other fetching coffee. Very sad.
Comment Written 24-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2013
-
yes, exactly. insightful review. much appreciated. thank you.
Comment from Charlene0513
It is a terrible thing to be taken for granted and the emotions are so vivid in your mind that you become livid and still you are encumbered by the emptiness that he leaves your soul. Devastation and no one to lean on.
Very well expressed.
Charlene
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2013
|
It is a terrible thing to be taken for granted and the emotions are so vivid in your mind that you become livid and still you are encumbered by the emptiness that he leaves your soul. Devastation and no one to lean on.
Very well expressed.
Charlene
Comment Written 24-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2013
-
so very appreciated. very thoughtful and in depth review. thank you kindly.
Comment from harmony13
Excellent Poem! The reader felt feelings of sadness throughout this poem. The author did a great job conveying
a descriptive and thought provoking scene. The artwork was perfect and enhanced the read.
Thank you, harmony13
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2013
|
Excellent Poem! The reader felt feelings of sadness throughout this poem. The author did a great job conveying
a descriptive and thought provoking scene. The artwork was perfect and enhanced the read.
Thank you, harmony13
Comment Written 24-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2013
-
pleased you liked this. wanted to stick with my thoughts for the piece and not try to just gear it towards the contest. thank you so much.
Comment from Darkhorse555
as i look at the picture piece its like a lonely stare of yearning out the wind loving someone somewhere an excellent piece
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2013
|
as i look at the picture piece its like a lonely stare of yearning out the wind loving someone somewhere an excellent piece
Comment Written 24-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2013
-
glad you liked it. right on the money in your take on it. thank you so much.
Comment from SteveY
Wow, why don't you learn to actually come out with your feelings in this one? Not! A wonderful job in expressing such deep feelings so well!
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2013
|
Wow, why don't you learn to actually come out with your feelings in this one? Not! A wonderful job in expressing such deep feelings so well!
Comment Written 24-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2013
-
mush appreciated. I think that I write not considering an audience perhaps. and then....oops. there is one. thank you for the kind words.
Comment from lakeport
With no one, indeed no one should be alone, that's a very
heartfelt expressed poem.Nice flow, Thanks for sharing it,God bless you.Lakeport.
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2013
|
With no one, indeed no one should be alone, that's a very
heartfelt expressed poem.Nice flow, Thanks for sharing it,God bless you.Lakeport.
Comment Written 24-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2013
-
so happy you enjoyed it. thank you so much.
-
your welcom.Lakeport.