senyru (city people stare)
senyr contest 5/7/522 total reviews
Comment from lorijean
This is so true, people today are so wrapped up in themselves and their mobiles that they just don't what is going on in the real world. Well written....
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2013
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This is so true, people today are so wrapped up in themselves and their mobiles that they just don't what is going on in the real world. Well written....
Comment Written 26-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2013
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So true, lorijean, thank you for the review.
Comment from Dean Kuch
What a picture of that poor lady! McStarving pretty well sums it up for so many of our homeless these days. Hell, it pretty much sums it up for everyone, with what food costs today!
Nicely done, and great way to point out the plight of the homeless... Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2013
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What a picture of that poor lady! McStarving pretty well sums it up for so many of our homeless these days. Hell, it pretty much sums it up for everyone, with what food costs today!
Nicely done, and great way to point out the plight of the homeless... Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2013
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Thank you, Dean, this it means a lot coming from you. And yes, I agree the plight of the homeless in everywhere is horrible.
Comment from Sueellen11
My friend this touches the heart, do we pretend to be busy on the mobile, rushing by, look the other way, so as not to notice, not to give a hand out, or just don't want to know, but these people have a story, we are not to judge, great entry, true to form and count, great artwork to match, good luck, blessings, suee
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2013
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My friend this touches the heart, do we pretend to be busy on the mobile, rushing by, look the other way, so as not to notice, not to give a hand out, or just don't want to know, but these people have a story, we are not to judge, great entry, true to form and count, great artwork to match, good luck, blessings, suee
Comment Written 24-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2013
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What a wonderful review, Suee. I'm thrilled you really "got" the essence of this senyru, and it is very sad how we ignore the homeless of whom many are mentally ill. Thank you so much
Comment from RYME4U
And what a sad message it is, too. The theme of your poem is well taken. The words are well chosen and the picture is very meaningful Great job!
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2013
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And what a sad message it is, too. The theme of your poem is well taken. The words are well chosen and the picture is very meaningful Great job!
Comment Written 24-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2013
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Thank you so much, I'm glad you can appreciate a real senyru.
Comment from MarjorieAnne
Syllable count exactly right. Nice irony on staring into, not the eyes of others but cellphones. Poignant mood conveyed well in contrast between intently and shadows and parallel of into and in.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2013
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Syllable count exactly right. Nice irony on staring into, not the eyes of others but cellphones. Poignant mood conveyed well in contrast between intently and shadows and parallel of into and in.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2013
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Thank you so much, for seeing the essence of my senyru.
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You are welcome
Comment from Bayberry
This brings back some vivid memories of when I used to work with the homeless people I recruited in shelters for an assistance program. Thank you for posting your creative message. Best wishes.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2013
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This brings back some vivid memories of when I used to work with the homeless people I recruited in shelters for an assistance program. Thank you for posting your creative message. Best wishes.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2013
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Thank you, I've worked with the less fortunate also. Mostly, children so I really appreciate your take on this.
Comment from Bill Schott
This senryu seems to be touching on our apathy towards the needy and their need to stay connected to hope, and our predisposition to ignore them in favor of the most simple minded distraction in front of us.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2013
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This senryu seems to be touching on our apathy towards the needy and their need to stay connected to hope, and our predisposition to ignore them in favor of the most simple minded distraction in front of us.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2013
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Thank you, Bill. It is interesting in cities, where I've lived where there are more homeless. We just walk over bodies. Thank you for "getting" my senyru.
Comment from Domino 2
Maybe 1st line: 'homeless not noticed', as otherwise your write could be construed as the 'city people' are 'homeless in shadows'. OK, that's a stretch, but I'm a terrible nit-picker. :-)
Excellent and oh so true theme here. The homeless are equal to the privileged who, at most, often just look down their noses at them.
Nice one!
Cheers, Ted
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2013
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Maybe 1st line: 'homeless not noticed', as otherwise your write could be construed as the 'city people' are 'homeless in shadows'. OK, that's a stretch, but I'm a terrible nit-picker. :-)
Excellent and oh so true theme here. The homeless are equal to the privileged who, at most, often just look down their noses at them.
Nice one!
Cheers, Ted
Comment Written 24-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2013
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Well, "nit pic" away. Thank you for the generous review. You seem to "get" the essence of this poem. Hugs
Comment from Joan E.
I admired your social commentary in this 5-7-5 senryu. The juxtaposition of the "haves" and "have-not's" is quite effective. Your picture selection and use of alliteration intensify the theme. Best wishes in the contest- Joan
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2013
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I admired your social commentary in this 5-7-5 senryu. The juxtaposition of the "haves" and "have-not's" is quite effective. Your picture selection and use of alliteration intensify the theme. Best wishes in the contest- Joan
Comment Written 24-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2013
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Thank you, Joan. Isn't that what a senyru should be about - I guess partially.
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Yes, indeed! Great job- Joan
Comment from giovannimariatommaso
Nicely done! The words fit & the picture says it all. The world is becoming crueler as it appears to be more benevolent & giving in its bitten, boughten, smitten, NEWS!; however, it is obvious that all of the world's orifices are expelling offal! giovanni
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2013
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Nicely done! The words fit & the picture says it all. The world is becoming crueler as it appears to be more benevolent & giving in its bitten, boughten, smitten, NEWS!; however, it is obvious that all of the world's orifices are expelling offal! giovanni
Comment Written 24-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2013
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I have a feeling you and I are first generation Italians, as I was born in 1948 by immigrant parents. I think we know, what "poor" means. Thank you so much for the review.