Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 41 "A Kazuzu Moon"Murder Mystery
49 total reviews
Comment from jadapenn
Uh, oh. So we have a snitch who is making things a bit difficult. Now the Feds are in the game can start and hopefully we'll get some good leads to making an arrest. But in the meantime the show must go on and you're writing an exceptional script. Keeping us in the dark and guessing. Well written once again. Luv jada
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2013
  |
Uh, oh. So we have a snitch who is making things a bit difficult. Now the Feds are in the game can start and hopefully we'll get some good leads to making an arrest. But in the meantime the show must go on and you're writing an exceptional script. Keeping us in the dark and guessing. Well written once again. Luv jada
Comment Written 21-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2013
-
I'm so happy to read your comments, jada. Some folks are getting a little impatient, so it's nice to see you're still willing to hang in there. I much appreciate it. xxx Bev
Comment from jjstar
You know, I've never understood why the local police always get uptight when the feds walk in (at least in the books I've read and shows I've seen). It seems they'd be pleased. But that is neither here nor there..hahaha.
Excellent chapter. You've characterized Skeets so well. It certainly seems like he's up to no good, and Rick's disappointment is apparent. Jana is the rockstar. Woot woot!
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2013
|
You know, I've never understood why the local police always get uptight when the feds walk in (at least in the books I've read and shows I've seen). It seems they'd be pleased. But that is neither here nor there..hahaha.
Excellent chapter. You've characterized Skeets so well. It certainly seems like he's up to no good, and Rick's disappointment is apparent. Jana is the rockstar. Woot woot!
Comment Written 08-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2013
-
Hi, JJ. Thanks so much for the generous and encouraging review. Yup, Jana IS a rockstar! Take care, Bev
Comment from Green Lake Girl
I love the compare/contrast between Native American lore and the Catholic Church. The conflict between the Feds and local law enforcement is depicted well, mainly through dialog. Great writing, Bev! I'm picturing the finished product in bookstores.
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2013
 |
I love the compare/contrast between Native American lore and the Catholic Church. The conflict between the Feds and local law enforcement is depicted well, mainly through dialog. Great writing, Bev! I'm picturing the finished product in bookstores.
Comment Written 08-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2013
-
Thanks so much, M. I am honored by your gracious and encouraging review. I so enjoyed our talk today... I'm inspired to get the gray cells stirred up now to get another chapter in the hopper. HA.
I really appreciate your generosity... :0) Bev
Comment from Auroraboreal800
I like mystery and crime fiction, so I really enjoyed reading the excellent dialogues of this piece. This is very well written. Good and helpful Author's Note. Keep up the good work.
:)
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2013
|
I like mystery and crime fiction, so I really enjoyed reading the excellent dialogues of this piece. This is very well written. Good and helpful Author's Note. Keep up the good work.
:)
Comment Written 08-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2013
-
Thank you so much, Aurora. I really apprecite your generous and encouraging review. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Selina Stambi
The dialogue is riveting. It moves fast and creates a veritable movie in the reader's head.
The concluding phrase is most interesting ... makes one wonder and look forward to the next posting!
Fab work, my sweet friend.
Hugs xxxx :) Sonali
Spags:
bore a sour look on his face ... suggest: wore a sour look ...
blushed at the call out ... suggest: reddened at the call (blushing is more a woman-ish pastime!)
star profilers. (No question mark - he's only making a comment)
the room's corner ... suggest: the corner of the room
As to why you've been assigned as lead? Your sub-specialty is cults..... should be: ... As to why you've been assigned as lead (-) or (,) your sub-speciality...(it's not a question)
a cigarette pack ... suggest: a pack of cigarettes
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2013
|
The dialogue is riveting. It moves fast and creates a veritable movie in the reader's head.
The concluding phrase is most interesting ... makes one wonder and look forward to the next posting!
Fab work, my sweet friend.
Hugs xxxx :) Sonali
Spags:
bore a sour look on his face ... suggest: wore a sour look ...
blushed at the call out ... suggest: reddened at the call (blushing is more a woman-ish pastime!)
star profilers. (No question mark - he's only making a comment)
the room's corner ... suggest: the corner of the room
As to why you've been assigned as lead? Your sub-specialty is cults..... should be: ... As to why you've been assigned as lead (-) or (,) your sub-speciality...(it's not a question)
a cigarette pack ... suggest: a pack of cigarettes
Comment Written 07-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2013
-
Hi, Sonali. Thanks so much for the great review and suggestions. I appreciate your insights and continued support of my novel. Hugs, Bev
Comment from Cumbrianlass
Another fantastic chapter, my lady. Well done on BOM again - well deserved, and it was so darn close. I was rooting for you!
It's frustrating... like spinning a Rubik's Cube. - Excellent. Brilliant analogy.
His features were relaxed until you met his eyes. - not sure about this, Bev. It's the 'you', I think. Just a suggestion of course - your call - but maybe: His features were relaxed, except for his eyes. Skeet noticed their usual green color had turned to steel gray, and recognized the storm that threatened.
Skeets scribbled something on a sheet of paper and passed it to Russ: What's up with Rick? He's fidgeting over there as if he's sitting in a pile of red ants.
"Anything you want to share, Skeets, before we get started?" Derek asked.
The rotund detective blushed at the call out and responded, "No, Sir."
HAHA! I chuckled at this bit. Sounds like kids in school. Nicely done.
Things are really taking shape. I truly admire your skill at putting this plot together. It's very professional, Bev.
Standing O from me.
Love Av
xx
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2013
|
Another fantastic chapter, my lady. Well done on BOM again - well deserved, and it was so darn close. I was rooting for you!
It's frustrating... like spinning a Rubik's Cube. - Excellent. Brilliant analogy.
His features were relaxed until you met his eyes. - not sure about this, Bev. It's the 'you', I think. Just a suggestion of course - your call - but maybe: His features were relaxed, except for his eyes. Skeet noticed their usual green color had turned to steel gray, and recognized the storm that threatened.
Skeets scribbled something on a sheet of paper and passed it to Russ: What's up with Rick? He's fidgeting over there as if he's sitting in a pile of red ants.
"Anything you want to share, Skeets, before we get started?" Derek asked.
The rotund detective blushed at the call out and responded, "No, Sir."
HAHA! I chuckled at this bit. Sounds like kids in school. Nicely done.
Things are really taking shape. I truly admire your skill at putting this plot together. It's very professional, Bev.
Standing O from me.
Love Av
xx
Comment Written 07-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2013
-
Hello, dear Av. Thank you for your indepth review and wonderful insights. That particular section bothered me, too, so I'm going to promptly change it to your suggestion. Good eye!!
I really appreciate your support, lovely lady. You've been just great to me throughout this write. And also for the mention of the contest. I'm very happy for Dean, though. So exciting!
Love ya, Bev
Comment from Hareem.S
Even though I have not read the rest of this book, it was a pleasure to read this chapter. It is well penned down with some very interesting dialogues.
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2013
|
Even though I have not read the rest of this book, it was a pleasure to read this chapter. It is well penned down with some very interesting dialogues.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2013
-
Thanks for stopping by Hareen. I appreciate your generous review! Bev
Comment from bhogg
Shame on me for just dropping in on this wonderful story. I'll definitely revisit some of your other chapters. This was written wonderful pace that moved me right through, actually disappointed to see it end. Bill
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2013
|
Shame on me for just dropping in on this wonderful story. I'll definitely revisit some of your other chapters. This was written wonderful pace that moved me right through, actually disappointed to see it end. Bill
Comment Written 07-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2013
-
What a gracious review, Bill. Thank you for taking time to read my chapter. I appreciate your encouragement and generosity! Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from Showboat
Great job, Bev,
Lol, I just love your character's names! Very original.
Okay - just a thought. How about ..'jabbed an elbow into his partner's side'? Makes it a bit more active?
In the sentence where Skeets is having 'thoughts' it might work best if you put the thoughts in italics. That eliminates the tag and the punctuation.
Always so good to see another chapter, my friend. I'm loving this!
Hugs,
Gayle
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2013
|
Great job, Bev,
Lol, I just love your character's names! Very original.
Okay - just a thought. How about ..'jabbed an elbow into his partner's side'? Makes it a bit more active?
In the sentence where Skeets is having 'thoughts' it might work best if you put the thoughts in italics. That eliminates the tag and the punctuation.
Always so good to see another chapter, my friend. I'm loving this!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment Written 07-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2013
-
Thanks, Gayle. I appreciate the suggestions - all good ones; and continued support. Hugs, Bev
Comment from olshaski
You're intimate with my expertise, Jana
intimate seems a rather personal way to state this, knowledgeable or informed or something else ?
As long as you don't change the rules once the press learns of this latest killing."
perhaps I missed something in the earlier chapters but how did skeets change the rules or set them , ???
It will be our priority to ensure the public your department has access to every possible law enforcement resource."
Ensure = Assure?
"You can leave your underlings here and head back up to D.C. underlings sounds rather , overtly , derogatory.
"and has the advantage of having FBI experience"
feels awkward , almost like a signpost without the post.
I am not a detective novel purveyor of note. I do like a good story and yours seems viable and well thought out. It's got some nice twists and phrase turns. the flow is quick and to the point with enough fluff (window dressing) to make the image come alive without bogging it down in endless dribble. Just my 2 bit's worth.
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2013
|
You're intimate with my expertise, Jana
intimate seems a rather personal way to state this, knowledgeable or informed or something else ?
As long as you don't change the rules once the press learns of this latest killing."
perhaps I missed something in the earlier chapters but how did skeets change the rules or set them , ???
It will be our priority to ensure the public your department has access to every possible law enforcement resource."
Ensure = Assure?
"You can leave your underlings here and head back up to D.C. underlings sounds rather , overtly , derogatory.
"and has the advantage of having FBI experience"
feels awkward , almost like a signpost without the post.
I am not a detective novel purveyor of note. I do like a good story and yours seems viable and well thought out. It's got some nice twists and phrase turns. the flow is quick and to the point with enough fluff (window dressing) to make the image come alive without bogging it down in endless dribble. Just my 2 bit's worth.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2013
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2013
-
Thank you for your generous review and insights, olshaski. I appreciate the time you took to read the chapter and offer your suggestions. Warmest regards, Bev