Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 24 "Aze Moon"Murder Mystery
39 total reviews
Comment from Realist101
Hi Bev! Wow. I love it. Great internal thoughts, dialogue and this has a really natural flow too. I really like the scene with the bluejay. Perfect! I wish I had a six...and I see no spags, but may miss them. I'm not the brightest bulb in the pack. xoxo! Susan
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2012
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Hi Bev! Wow. I love it. Great internal thoughts, dialogue and this has a really natural flow too. I really like the scene with the bluejay. Perfect! I wish I had a six...and I see no spags, but may miss them. I'm not the brightest bulb in the pack. xoxo! Susan
Comment Written 16-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2012
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Hi, Susan. Thank you for taking time to read my chapter. I really appreciate the great review, my friend. I know what you mean about editing. Thank goodness others are better at it than I am. Loved hearing from you... Bev XXX
Comment from Tina55
A blizzard of photographs, files and boxes filled Jana Burke's cubicle.(Great visual, Bev)
provoking a rage that jerked her out of her neutral zone. (Love it!)
Clever how you show Jana's impression of the detectives through her analysis of their handwriting.
I like the dialogue between Father Brian and Jana. It's edgy.
'Persistent clouds, pregnant with impending rain...' adds urgency to Fritz's drive. Nice.
Many hints at the spiritual in this post.
I love love love the last line. This post has an edge that kept me engaged...I loved it.
Tina
:)
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2012
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A blizzard of photographs, files and boxes filled Jana Burke's cubicle.(Great visual, Bev)
provoking a rage that jerked her out of her neutral zone. (Love it!)
Clever how you show Jana's impression of the detectives through her analysis of their handwriting.
I like the dialogue between Father Brian and Jana. It's edgy.
'Persistent clouds, pregnant with impending rain...' adds urgency to Fritz's drive. Nice.
Many hints at the spiritual in this post.
I love love love the last line. This post has an edge that kept me engaged...I loved it.
Tina
:)
Comment Written 15-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2012
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Tina, thank you so much for this wonderful, review! You have been so consistently supportive with this novel and I want you to know that means a lot to me. You're generosity just blows me away! Hugs, Bev
Comment from Norbanus
The story is moving forward smoothly with excellent interaction between the characters. also this has a superb chapter hook to being us back for mor3e.
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2012
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The story is moving forward smoothly with excellent interaction between the characters. also this has a superb chapter hook to being us back for mor3e.
Comment Written 14-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2012
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Thank you very much for this generous and supportive review. I appreciate it! Bev
Comment from TKField
Well, I jumped right into the middle of this epic, but I liked the hard boiled feel and the interesting noiresque plot line. This has a lot of dialogue, buts it's good, compelling dialogue. You have a nice straightforward style of writing that I find quite refreshing. keep up the good work. I'll try and check out the previous chapters to put all this in more context. I do love a good mystery/crime novel.
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2012
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Well, I jumped right into the middle of this epic, but I liked the hard boiled feel and the interesting noiresque plot line. This has a lot of dialogue, buts it's good, compelling dialogue. You have a nice straightforward style of writing that I find quite refreshing. keep up the good work. I'll try and check out the previous chapters to put all this in more context. I do love a good mystery/crime novel.
Comment Written 14-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2012
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Thank you, TK. I really appreciate the great review. Thanks for taking time to read! Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Joan E.
I particularly liked the parallel between your red text and the red of the marker, along with your "beautiful child" description, along with the "laser point" metaphor. Your dialog is very realistic and moves the story along well. -Joan
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2012
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I particularly liked the parallel between your red text and the red of the marker, along with your "beautiful child" description, along with the "laser point" metaphor. Your dialog is very realistic and moves the story along well. -Joan
Comment Written 12-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2012
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Thank you much, Joan. I appreciate your insights into the parts of the chapter you liked. Thanks for the generous review and time you took to read. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from donaldww
Great continuation of the investigation. I like the way you insert thought snippets in the Sioux language, showing how Jana thinks in her native tongue.
I thought this sentence might sound stronger trimmed back like this:
Jana opened a fresh file, unprepared for the emotional ambush of her heart.
St. Paul, Minnesota? Does this story take place out in the Dakotas or in Michigan?
And at the end, a sudden attack! Like a thunder bolt!
Cheers,
DW
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2012
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Great continuation of the investigation. I like the way you insert thought snippets in the Sioux language, showing how Jana thinks in her native tongue.
I thought this sentence might sound stronger trimmed back like this:
Jana opened a fresh file, unprepared for the emotional ambush
St. Paul, Minnesota? Does this story take place out in the Dakotas or in Michigan?
And at the end, a sudden attack! Like a thunder bolt!
Cheers,
DW
Comment Written 12-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2012
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Hi, Donald. Thank you for the great review. The story takes place in a small town not far from the twin cities of Minnesota. It is based on a real location that is connected to a large Sioux Indian reservation. My location is Granite Mtn., the real location is Granite Falls, Mn. When chapters allow, I plan to include more information on the Sioux ways and dialect.
Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from michael Walker
Your story flows very nicely and keeps your intrest. The characters are alive and your discription of their doings fits into place. I will continue to read this book. I'll go back and read it from the start. good work.
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2012
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Your story flows very nicely and keeps your intrest. The characters are alive and your discription of their doings fits into place. I will continue to read this book. I'll go back and read it from the start. good work.
Comment Written 12-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2012
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Michael, thank you very much for your interest and generous review! Warm regards, Bev
Comment from robina1978
It could be me, being very far behind as I was very unfit yesterday. But somehow by now it seems it should start moving a bit faster.
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2012
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It could be me, being very far behind as I was very unfit yesterday. But somehow by now it seems it should start moving a bit faster.
Comment Written 12-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2012
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Thanks.
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welcome
Comment from bookishfabler
Persistent clouds, pregnant with impending rain, followed him the whole way. Love this metaphor, pregnant with impending rain. Excellent.
Okay, I haven't been around much so I missed a few chapters here. But it didn't matter, this was excellent on it's own, and easy to follow. I especially love the last paragrapgh. I love cliff hangers.
I used to do that all the time in my novels, and love twists at the end too
hugs
book
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2012
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Persistent clouds, pregnant with impending rain, followed him the whole way. Love this metaphor, pregnant with impending rain. Excellent.
Okay, I haven't been around much so I missed a few chapters here. But it didn't matter, this was excellent on it's own, and easy to follow. I especially love the last paragrapgh. I love cliff hangers.
I used to do that all the time in my novels, and love twists at the end too
hugs
book
Comment Written 12-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2012
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Thank you, heidi. I really appreciate you taking time to read this chapter and your patience and generous support in the unreaveling of my story. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from Mary Ann MCPhedran
I enjoyed reading this chapter and I like how you began with a poem. Thanks for sharing with me. I found it interesting and kept reading from start to finish. Good luck with the rest. Mary
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2012
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I enjoyed reading this chapter and I like how you began with a poem. Thanks for sharing with me. I found it interesting and kept reading from start to finish. Good luck with the rest. Mary
Comment Written 12-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2012
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Thank you much for choosing to read, Mary Ann. I appreciate the support. Warm regards, Bev