Comment from RenieReader

Excellent

How frustrating. This jerk has really set things up to put them on the wrong path, hasn't he? So many sociopaths are tremendously intelligent, but they use it wrong. C'mon, guys. Let's get moving.

They got off at Durante [Blvd.==>Boulevard] and were immediately embroiled

Hugs,
Renie

 Comment Written 20-Jan-2010

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reply by the author on 21-Jan-2010

Ooops! I should have spelt that out! Will do. Thanks for the great review, Renie. What's it like up by you? We're soggy to say the least, more rain in the last three days than our yearly average, by two! Man, this is going to be a hell of a summer. Rain equals forest fires.

Thanks for the catch, sweetie,

Hugs,
Gayle

Comment from Dave M

Excellent

Gayle,

Norman was really stupid to book a rental house under his own name, and then to leave his computer on. He's a real amateur, and dangerous because of this. Anyway, they know where Cathy is. I guess the next chapter will be the thriller. Wonder what you have in mind.

I enjoyed this read and couldn't find anything to criticize.

Dave

 Comment Written 18-Jan-2010

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reply by the author on 19-Jan-2010

Hey Dave,

Yeah, Norman doesn't think of consequences. He's like a kid who wants a toy and he just takes it. Repercussions don't factor into the way he acts. All impulse, no forethought.

Thanks for the great review, and wonderful comments.

Hugs,
Gayle

Comment from Readywriter52

Excellent

I don't think Norman counted on Rudy find out about his condominium or look at his computer. Rudy and Jim are right about being cautious. Norman is living a delusion. He might get violent if confronted. They have to be careful on how they rescue Cathy.

 Comment Written 17-Jan-2010

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reply by the author on 18-Jan-2010

Hi Ready,

Yes, they do. I think Norman could go berserk at the drop of a hat.


Thanks for the fine comments,
Gayle

Comment from Sasha

Excellent

Thank you! I was nearly having a heart attack waiting for Kip to get through to Rudy. You did a terrific job with your detailed and fascinating description of the interaction between Kip and Rudy. Very good writing. The balance of the chapter is excellent and you have left the reader right where you want them, on the edge of their chair. This is a great story and I cannot wait until the next chapter.

P.S. No I haven't murdered my cousin yet, although the thought has entered my mind a few times.

 Comment Written 17-Jan-2010

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reply by the author on 18-Jan-2010

Justifiable homocide, I'd imagine. I feel for you, but Feb is almost here. Oh, see if she likes shrimp cocktail and then get her to order a 'seafood' cocktail...the ones where the meal eyes the consumer. That should hasten her departure!

Sasha, you are such a trooper!

And thanks for the super duper review. I love your comments and it makes me want to go right out and write another chapter. Think that's what I'll do!

Love ya,
Gaye

Comment from joelh605

Good

Help me out here - there are a couple of problems which (this being your genre) you should have answers for that are better than my questions, but I do have questions.

Joel
=-=-=
Most people, when they get ready to spend that kind of money are interested in the furniture,

Commma: "when...money" is an appositive phrase modifying "people"; the comman to the left is good, but it needs a second comma after "money". Appositives always get walled off.

Both Jim and Rudy started to protest when they saw the expression on his face.
They nodded, heading for the door.

"started to protest until they saw..." ? or "wanted to protest"?

Rudy took the waste basket ...
Lenny sat at the computer, amazed when the sleeping monitor sprang to life at a touch of the mouse.

Huh? I know the plot needs this, but a detective thorough enough to dump the waste basked is going to be all over the computer. Lenny's best bet is to turn it off and wait for the detective to decide to take it back to the office. ??

"The addy is 32543, so we have a ways to go."

Did you just mislead Lenny and Rudy by giving them the lock combination as an address? Naahh, they found the house. So why the same five digits?

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 17-Jan-2010

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reply by the author on 18-Jan-2010

Hey Joel,

Well, let me see if I can explain. First, I agree, another comma needed. Will do.

Jim and Rudy wanted to explore some more, but when they saw his expression they knew he had a plan.

Now, I think they all just divied up the stuff. Lenny got the 'puter, Rudy got the trash and Jim's rifiling the drawers. The detective was just there to serve the warrant. At this point, there's no 'crime' just a suspicion.

I used the same five digits, my birthday, btw, just to underscore what Lenny said earlier about people having no imagination when selecting security numbers, pins, stuff like that. The addy and the combo, actually, does make sense...yes? No? Actually, is the addy and the combo the same? Eghads! I'll have to check.

Thanks for the great review and your comments.

Hugs,
Gayle

reply by joelh605 on 19-Jan-2010

The "no imagination" was for the hi-rise combo to Norman/Nathan's abode; but, yes, the address as a lock code - - Doh! Go with it <:-p

But as to divvy up stuff, there is suspicion of a kidnaping and the legal system is conducting a search: that leaves no room whatsoever for "just us buddies lookin' around" - it's a breach of law, probably, to let Rudy et al in there in the first place. Far safer for one of them to have seen the computer, moved the mouse, and gotten on with the chase all on their own. 'Specially 'cuz now the constabulary is going to feel veddy veddy cheesed off to know that the law was not allowed into the game.

Am I making any sense? - My genre is things that rhyme.

Er, if you used your birthday for both, then yes luv they will turn out to be the same [wink] unless half of you was born Wednesday nite and the other half Thursday morning.

Grins,

Joel

Comment from anabelle

Excellent

Good chapter. What about sending a younger woman (cop of course) to the door. Maybe he'd open it for her?

Well done. I really enjoyed this. Finding the ladder was brilliant.

Thanks for sharing.

Regards, anabelle

 Comment Written 17-Jan-2010

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reply by the author on 17-Jan-2010

Oh my goodness, you have esp. Yep, that's what they're going to try to do. I have a feeling it'll work. Like everything else, it's timing, huh?

I hope you come back again<

Gayle

Comment from c_lucas

Excellent

This is written with very authenic and professional behavior from all parties involved. You held my attention throughout. Very good job.

 Comment Written 17-Jan-2010

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reply by the author on 17-Jan-2010

Hi Charlie,

I'm glad you liked this one. Thanks for the fine review.

Gayle

reply by c_lucas on 18-Jan-2010

You're welcome, Gayl. Charlie

Comment from fictionwriter

Excellent

The tension in this chapter is wonderful. I love them sneaking around outside the place with the dogs. I would hate to be in their place. Great writing. Wonderful job.

 Comment Written 17-Jan-2010

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reply by the author on 17-Jan-2010

Hey, my friend, glad you liked this one. As you've probably noticed, I'm not publishing as fast. Now I'm writing the stuff, so it's not as polished. Glad you're still enjoying

Gayle

Comment from Logicat

Excellent

I'm ever quite comfortable with lay people not telling the police anything. People get hurt that way more quickly, but Lenny and Jim make some very good points... Very good writing, scenes, and character study.

 Comment Written 17-Jan-2010

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reply by the author on 17-Jan-2010

You know, I agree across the board, in real life. But if we bring in the cops, there goes the book! LOL! Also, Lenny was an LA Homocide cop for like fifteen years, so he's got experience. We can just hope!

Hugs,
Gayle

Comment from patmedium

Excellent

WOW... only one reference I don't understand, and I'm sure the answer will appear before long. (Last line)
What a suspense-filled read...on the edge of my seat, as usual. I eagerly await the next action-packed session! Pat.

 Comment Written 17-Jan-2010

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reply by the author on 17-Jan-2010

Amy? LOL! Prepare to be entranced by a dog. She's my favorite and I bet before the day's over, she'll be yours too.

Thanks for the great R&R,

Hugs,
Gayle

reply by patmedium on 17-Jan-2010

I suppose that's what comes with joining a story half way through. Pat.