Blind Trust
Viewing comments for Chapter 19 "Desperate Measures"A woman is stalked by a fan
12 total reviews
Comment from Logicat
Language rating and verbal violence? But it's part of the story. What else would he say? Gee, I'd like to slap that guy? And what threat would there be in that? Just write it like you're doing and relax.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2010
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Language rating and verbal violence? But it's part of the story. What else would he say? Gee, I'd like to slap that guy? And what threat would there be in that? Just write it like you're doing and relax.
Comment Written 12-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2010
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Hi Logic,
Well, I'm not exactly shy with words, but this one just seems to be coming along without and all of a sudden! Glad it wasn't too jarring. Funny story, long ago when I was first submitting chapters for Secret Lives here, and one of my fans took me to task, as it were, for not using the proper word! He said..."Gayle, ya got a gang banger with a tatoo of Satan across his forehead and you're making him talk like a naughty third grader. If you're going to swim you're gonna get wet."
True story!
Thanks for the great review and encouraging input!
Gayle
Comment from Dave M
Gayle,
This is an excellent chapter, without any problems that I could see. I know you don't like the "f" word, but sometimes, such as here, there's no substitute. But I wouldn't have given this an extreme rating for violence.
Wonder if Norman's going to crash into Cathy's apartment through the ducts.
Dave
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2010
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Gayle,
This is an excellent chapter, without any problems that I could see. I know you don't like the "f" word, but sometimes, such as here, there's no substitute. But I wouldn't have given this an extreme rating for violence.
Wonder if Norman's going to crash into Cathy's apartment through the ducts.
Dave
Comment Written 11-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2010
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Hey Dave,
Thanks for the encouragement, I needed that. I'm glad you're enjoying this one and I so appreciate your comments.
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from shelley kaye
This is all going to be your fault, Cathy just remember that! <-- don't know all the rules for punctuation in dialogue stuff but shouldn't there be another comma after cathy as well as before it?
anyway that was all i noticed - escept that this is getting really good now hehe - can't wait to see what 'norman' does next!
thanx for sharing!
shelley :)
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2010
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This is all going to be your fault, Cathy just remember that! <-- don't know all the rules for punctuation in dialogue stuff but shouldn't there be another comma after cathy as well as before it?
anyway that was all i noticed - escept that this is getting really good now hehe - can't wait to see what 'norman' does next!
thanx for sharing!
shelley :)
Comment Written 11-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2010
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shell, you are absolutely right. Comma after Cathy. I'm glad you're enjoying this one. Thanks for the great comments!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from patmedium
Well, I'm now a deflated balloon after the tension of reading this. You must have studied hard to garner all this understanding, Gayle. It's a terrific read. Pat.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2010
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Well, I'm now a deflated balloon after the tension of reading this. You must have studied hard to garner all this understanding, Gayle. It's a terrific read. Pat.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2010
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Hey Pat, wel'll get you pumped back up for sure! LOL, and thanks so much for the great review and comments,
Gayle
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I can fill myself with hot air, thankyou! Pat.
Comment from joelh605
Language? Verbal violence? In your sweet virgin mind, perhaps. I don't feel let down - that kind of stuff isn't in the "fun gotta have it" category - but really, Sis. :)
That was how he found out her dog had been stolen.
Curses! Here all along it had to have been Norman did it! Gayle, your red herrings are primo and very large! LOL
Frankly, I'm scared to death. It's hard for others to imagine going through something like this blind.
[Side note, and ROTFL, a buddy of mine fell madly in love with a terror move called "Wait Until Dark" - Audrey Hepburn is blind, and some dude is in her apartment, toying with her.
...
Then it gets dark
...
Guess who wins?]
Great page-turner in the final paragraph, Gayle.
Joel
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Not only did it give him the opportunity to be known by the shopkeepers and
locals,
Note unwanted new line char before "locals"
It staggered him compounding exponentially
Needs a comma here to keep "staggered him" separate from "compounding exponentially"; without the comma the reader may see "him compounding" as though he were a math major or something ;-)
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2010
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Language? Verbal violence? In your sweet virgin mind, perhaps. I don't feel let down - that kind of stuff isn't in the "fun gotta have it" category - but really, Sis. :)
That was how he found out her dog had been stolen.
Curses! Here all along it had to have been Norman did it! Gayle, your red herrings are primo and very large! LOL
Frankly, I'm scared to death. It's hard for others to imagine going through something like this blind.
[Side note, and ROTFL, a buddy of mine fell madly in love with a terror move called "Wait Until Dark" - Audrey Hepburn is blind, and some dude is in her apartment, toying with her.
...
Then it gets dark
...
Guess who wins?]
Great page-turner in the final paragraph, Gayle.
Joel
=-=-=
Not only did it give him the opportunity to be known by the shopkeepers and
locals,
Note unwanted new line char before "locals"
It staggered him compounding exponentially
Needs a comma here to keep "staggered him" separate from "compounding exponentially"; without the comma the reader may see "him compounding" as though he were a math major or something ;-)
Comment Written 11-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2010
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Joel, my herrings are the size of tunas! LOL! And that movie with Audrey? I remember it clearly. First of all, she was beautiful beyond compare, but it was her voice...'just a poor little blind woman'....then she got him!
I can't thank you enough, Joel. You are a true friend and writing compatriot. Head on over to www.omegapublications.net and see what's going on!
I'll get back to you!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Readywriter52
I think the story portrays Norman as a crazy man well. He actually thinks Cathy should know him. Now he has talked himself into believing that he is saving her from Rudy. He sees Rudy as a rival.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2010
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I think the story portrays Norman as a crazy man well. He actually thinks Cathy should know him. Now he has talked himself into believing that he is saving her from Rudy. He sees Rudy as a rival.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2010
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Great summation, Ready, and now Rudy's really mad. Oh boy!
Thanks for the fine review,
Gayle
Comment from Sasha
This is a very fast paced, tense, and dramatic chapter. The severity of Norman's obsession is absolutely terrifying. The fact that he seems to slide in and out of reality if even more frightening. I do have one concern. The dialogue between Cathy and Rudy after the phone call doesn't come across as authentic. The information is obviously necessary but feels as though it is being used to inform the reader and not actual dialogue between the two characters. I know this is a difficult to explain, but when Rudy speaks to Cathy he needs to sound more in control. Cathy needs to sound a bit more frightened. I know she feels safe with Rudy there, but still she is being stalked and neither she nor Rudy know who it is. I hope this makes sense. Norman's rant is superb and really lets the reader know the extent of his rage. This is still an excellent chapter and definitely makes the reader want to read the next chapter.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2010
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This is a very fast paced, tense, and dramatic chapter. The severity of Norman's obsession is absolutely terrifying. The fact that he seems to slide in and out of reality if even more frightening. I do have one concern. The dialogue between Cathy and Rudy after the phone call doesn't come across as authentic. The information is obviously necessary but feels as though it is being used to inform the reader and not actual dialogue between the two characters. I know this is a difficult to explain, but when Rudy speaks to Cathy he needs to sound more in control. Cathy needs to sound a bit more frightened. I know she feels safe with Rudy there, but still she is being stalked and neither she nor Rudy know who it is. I hope this makes sense. Norman's rant is superb and really lets the reader know the extent of his rage. This is still an excellent chapter and definitely makes the reader want to read the next chapter.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2010
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You know, Sasha, I agree with that. I was being far too subdued. If I'd been in Cathy's shoes, you'd be scraping me off the ceiling. Yes, I'll amp that up...I'll send you a pm of that part of the ms. If I forget, remind me, but I WILL go in and fix the ms.
Thanks and big hugs,
Gayle
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I glad I didn't upset you. I am always concerned that my comments might cause the writer to get angry, but I just try to be honest.
Comment from Rama Rao
Excellent. The chapter had me riveted to it.
The dialogues were apt and sounded right.
Rudy's language and attitude shows that he could be a Green Beret or a Seal.
However, I thought the following merits your attention.
It staggered him compounding exponentially.
A simpler expression perhaps would serve better.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2010
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Excellent. The chapter had me riveted to it.
The dialogues were apt and sounded right.
Rudy's language and attitude shows that he could be a Green Beret or a Seal.
However, I thought the following merits your attention.
It staggered him compounding exponentially.
A simpler expression perhaps would serve better.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2010
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Hi Ramarao,
How nice to make a new friend and thank you for the great input. I did get just a bit much there, ...exponenntially. Guess I'll try for a better word.
Thank you so much and hope to see you again!
Best,
Gayle
Comment from c_lucas
You language is very tamed. This is a very well written story with a smooth flow to it. Nathan/Norman is beginning to build up his courage. I hope the dogs like tidbits of meat.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2010
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You language is very tamed. This is a very well written story with a smooth flow to it. Nathan/Norman is beginning to build up his courage. I hope the dogs like tidbits of meat.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2010
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Hey Charlie,
You know me, I'm not shy about words, but we'd been pretty low-key for all these chapters and then, BOOM! Glad you enjoyed this one and we have dogs with a taste for meat, don't we?
Hugs,
Gayle
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Yoou're welcome, Gayle. Charlie
Comment from Korton
You really did a fantastic job on this chapter, Gayle. Now Norman has Rudy pegged for what he is, a real potential bad-ass. Interesting that he hasn't picked up anything from the bugs yet. I guess that will be a moot point after Jim gets there with the sniffer. He's definitely a psycho. Very well done.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2010
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You really did a fantastic job on this chapter, Gayle. Now Norman has Rudy pegged for what he is, a real potential bad-ass. Interesting that he hasn't picked up anything from the bugs yet. I guess that will be a moot point after Jim gets there with the sniffer. He's definitely a psycho. Very well done.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2010
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OMG! A sixer! Thank you so much, Frank! I loved this chapter and am glad you did, too. I so appreciate your input and comments.
Gayle