The Weird Kid
A silly story with one syllable words70 total reviews
Comment from MyYiaYia
...as she picked a crumb of a sweet tart - Did you mean to say 'off a sweet tart'? You were very creative, but I am still wondering if I like reading only one syllable words for an entire story. It was quite a different feel for my mind. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2010
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...as she picked a crumb of a sweet tart - Did you mean to say 'off a sweet tart'? You were very creative, but I am still wondering if I like reading only one syllable words for an entire story. It was quite a different feel for my mind. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 15-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2010
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Thank you for commenting in this silly story.
Comment from hfriscia
Well, this is a good piece writing...The story is good, I like the way you composed it...But, your mixing tense, you went from past to present tense.
Nice day, Ralph boy," it would say.=Present Tense
At ten, he was sad. No one else was like him.=Past Tense
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2010
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Well, this is a good piece writing...The story is good, I like the way you composed it...But, your mixing tense, you went from past to present tense.
Nice day, Ralph boy," it would say.=Present Tense
At ten, he was sad. No one else was like him.=Past Tense
Comment Written 13-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2010
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Thank you for commenting in this story and for your corrections.
Comment from fayesh
I think this was cute, but you need to work on transition to the section dealing with Ralph's mother. Her segment just suddenly pops up with any introductory sentence or paragraph.
Also, I think you use the wrong pronoun in the following:
His eyes sunk and wet most of the time. The air dabbed his tears,"Come here, sad lad," (he) would say in a sigh.
If you are referring to the air, the appropriate pronoun would be "it."
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2010
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I think this was cute, but you need to work on transition to the section dealing with Ralph's mother. Her segment just suddenly pops up with any introductory sentence or paragraph.
Also, I think you use the wrong pronoun in the following:
His eyes sunk and wet most of the time. The air dabbed his tears,"Come here, sad lad," (he) would say in a sigh.
If you are referring to the air, the appropriate pronoun would be "it."
Comment Written 13-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2010
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Thank you for the suggestions. It followed them. I hope it reads better now.
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Just a suggestion:
He wished his Mom was near, but his Mom was at work.
Comment from elainec4
amada,
Enjoyed reading your single syllable word story!! It was light and entertaining--a good change-up from the usual. My favorite clause: "her mind was loud with the gift of words"--terrific!! elaine
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2010
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amada,
Enjoyed reading your single syllable word story!! It was light and entertaining--a good change-up from the usual. My favorite clause: "her mind was loud with the gift of words"--terrific!! elaine
Comment Written 13-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2010
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Thank you for liking that line (I was thinking of the mind of a writer).
Comment from MaureenC
Amada, this might be a SILLY story but it certainly reeks with imaginative creativity. It is a great read and has all the contest requirements.
Good luck in the contest.
Maureenc
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2010
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Amada, this might be a SILLY story but it certainly reeks with imaginative creativity. It is a great read and has all the contest requirements.
Good luck in the contest.
Maureenc
Comment Written 13-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2010
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Thank you MaureenC for readint this piece.
Comment from joelh605
Eat, Pray, Love - I haven't read that, but know it is a best-seller.
This is marvelous, amada; the sense of freedom, the flowing whimsy, the sensitive tiny visual and auditory details - I'm impressed. You write prose with the same sensitivity and thought that shows in your poetry.
Joel
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2010
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Eat, Pray, Love - I haven't read that, but know it is a best-seller.
This is marvelous, amada; the sense of freedom, the flowing whimsy, the sensitive tiny visual and auditory details - I'm impressed. You write prose with the same sensitivity and thought that shows in your poetry.
Joel
Comment Written 13-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2010
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Thank for reading those tiny details that are particular to my writing. This is an awesome review.
Comment from Readywriter52
Ralph sounds like an interesting child. He could talk to frog, ponds, grass and other creatures. He finally found love with Beth. They all lived happy ever after.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2010
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Ralph sounds like an interesting child. He could talk to frog, ponds, grass and other creatures. He finally found love with Beth. They all lived happy ever after.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2010
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Thank you for the awesome review!
Comment from Pen&Ink
Hello Amada,
You've written a great little story. Per the rules it is both creative and done completely in one-syllable words. I liked the ending where Ralph's mother's true talents were discovered. Nice ending.
Ray
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2010
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Hello Amada,
You've written a great little story. Per the rules it is both creative and done completely in one-syllable words. I liked the ending where Ralph's mother's true talents were discovered. Nice ending.
Ray
Comment Written 12-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2010
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Thank you Ray!
Comment from Faelon
This story was just fun to read. Yes, it was silly and as such how can you critisize it? It is in a class of it's own. Nice work you did making a story out of one syllable words. Good luck in the contest.
Faelon
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2010
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This story was just fun to read. Yes, it was silly and as such how can you critisize it? It is in a class of it's own. Nice work you did making a story out of one syllable words. Good luck in the contest.
Faelon
Comment Written 12-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2010
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Thank you for saying that this piece "is in a class of is own. It means a lot to me to have this evaluation.
Comment from Loyd C. Taylor, Sr
Good afternoon poe Amada. That certainly was somewhat of a silly story, I wish you the best. Enjoyed the art work you selected and good luck in the contest. Loyd
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2010
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Good afternoon poe Amada. That certainly was somewhat of a silly story, I wish you the best. Enjoyed the art work you selected and good luck in the contest. Loyd
Comment Written 12-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2010
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Thank you, Loyd. Good morning in here. I wish you well.
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My pleasure, Loyd
