Blind Trust
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "Norman at Ella's"A woman is stalked by a fan
16 total reviews
Comment from Allezw2
For your consideration:
- [[With the] {After} hiring of Eric Shiller[,]{as} her Food and Beverage Director{,} and evening [host]{maitre de}, her only real work consisted of banking and reconciling the books.]
Lady Gayle,
The plot is afoot. Good thing I keep a snack close by when I'm going over your posts.
Nicely done,
Wayne
- [Cries of delight rose as they hugged the dog{s} and each other.]
- [Jim chortled at that idea [and]{, then} leaned forward, drumming his fingertips on the table and beetling his eyebrows.]
I think {, then} would add a subtle emphasize to Jim's concern.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2010
  |
For your consideration:
- [[With the] {After} hiring of Eric Shiller[,]{as} her Food and Beverage Director{,} and evening [host]{maitre de}, her only real work consisted of banking and reconciling the books.]
Lady Gayle,
The plot is afoot. Good thing I keep a snack close by when I'm going over your posts.
Nicely done,
Wayne
- [Cries of delight rose as they hugged the dog{s} and each other.]
- [Jim chortled at that idea [and]{, then} leaned forward, drumming his fingertips on the table and beetling his eyebrows.]
I think {, then} would add a subtle emphasize to Jim's concern.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2010
-
Hey Wayne,
Thanks so much for the great review and your comments. Many good ideas to chew upon here, will do!
Thanks again,
Hugs,
Gayle
-
You're quite welcome.
Comment from RenieReader
Oops, I'd say right off hand that I must have missed the last chapter. I'll go back and check. However, this one is off with a bang. Hope the guys and gals come up with some terrific ideas soon. Keep 'em coming, G.
Suggestion:
"When Jolene left[,] it really changed him.
Hugs,
Renie
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2010
|
Oops, I'd say right off hand that I must have missed the last chapter. I'll go back and check. However, this one is off with a bang. Hope the guys and gals come up with some terrific ideas soon. Keep 'em coming, G.
Suggestion:
"When Jolene left[,] it really changed him.
Hugs,
Renie
Comment Written 10-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2010
-
Oh, did you miss something? I can't remember what happens in 12. Well, I'll get the comma in there!
Hugs,
Gayle
-
For some reason, I've got these in all sorts of order. Maybe I'm not getting to them fast enough. I've tried to straighten it out by looking at the chapters at the top right hand side of each one. As you know I've been sick again. Now the docs have to get rid of all the stuff caused by the last Rxs they gave me. Sheesh.
Hugs,
Renie
Comment from c_lucas
This is a well written chapter tying all the "good guys" together. Nobody, including Rudy, is concern that the stalker will get away with using violence.
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2010
|
This is a well written chapter tying all the "good guys" together. Nobody, including Rudy, is concern that the stalker will get away with using violence.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2010
-
We just have to figure out who he is, hu? Now, I think that will be happening here shortly.
Thanks for the grand review,
Gayle
-
You're welcome, Gayle. Charlie
Comment from Sasha
I really like your style of writing. Your descriptions are excellent and you have a great way of pulling the reader into the room with the characters. I also like how you are introducing the characters and I enjoy the dialogue very much. The tension continues to build and I cannot wait until I read the next chapter. Very good work.
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2010
|
I really like your style of writing. Your descriptions are excellent and you have a great way of pulling the reader into the room with the characters. I also like how you are introducing the characters and I enjoy the dialogue very much. The tension continues to build and I cannot wait until I read the next chapter. Very good work.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2010
-
Ah, you make my heart sing. Thank you so much for the supportive comments. I really appreciate you!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Celtic~Soul
Hey, sweetie! I finally had a moment to stop by and leave a review (where does my time go lately?). As usual, you're building the intrigue (I've read some of the earlier chapters) and bringing everyone in for what I know will be another active and dangerous case to solve. I didn't notice any big nits staring at me, but a few things clobbered me over the head and I know you're going to kick yourself.
First, about the first third of this is idyllic, happy-perfect expository stuff about the restaurant. It's slow and too much information. I can see where you might like to include this as a way to show how Ella has so much free time and such, but it would be better to include snippets of this through the story as they become relevant rather than injecting in a glob--also the paragraphs are a lot of short little one-two sentence things that make it feel choppy.
Second, the dialogue between Ella and Terry is so expository to be almost painful! I know we all slip into the mode now and then in an effort to convey information in an 'active' manner, but in this instance I can feel you 'telling' us stuff through the characters--stuff they both know. Perhaps it's the detail. For instance, Terry would know what was done to improve the restaurant, right? Yet Ella goes into detail about he menu change and the bar and such rather than talking about abstract points in relation to her emotions--which is what's really important.
And finally: Jim and Lenny without the girls. - maybe I missed this because I don't think I read the immediately previous chap., but when did the guys comes in?
Well, I hope my cruise-by review is helpful! I'll try to stop in and review again soon.
Big hugs!
Dawn
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2010
 |
Hey, sweetie! I finally had a moment to stop by and leave a review (where does my time go lately?). As usual, you're building the intrigue (I've read some of the earlier chapters) and bringing everyone in for what I know will be another active and dangerous case to solve. I didn't notice any big nits staring at me, but a few things clobbered me over the head and I know you're going to kick yourself.
First, about the first third of this is idyllic, happy-perfect expository stuff about the restaurant. It's slow and too much information. I can see where you might like to include this as a way to show how Ella has so much free time and such, but it would be better to include snippets of this through the story as they become relevant rather than injecting in a glob--also the paragraphs are a lot of short little one-two sentence things that make it feel choppy.
Second, the dialogue between Ella and Terry is so expository to be almost painful! I know we all slip into the mode now and then in an effort to convey information in an 'active' manner, but in this instance I can feel you 'telling' us stuff through the characters--stuff they both know. Perhaps it's the detail. For instance, Terry would know what was done to improve the restaurant, right? Yet Ella goes into detail about he menu change and the bar and such rather than talking about abstract points in relation to her emotions--which is what's really important.
And finally: Jim and Lenny without the girls. - maybe I missed this because I don't think I read the immediately previous chap., but when did the guys comes in?
Well, I hope my cruise-by review is helpful! I'll try to stop in and review again soon.
Big hugs!
Dawn
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2010
-
Greetings Duchess!
Always so good to see you dropping by. Okay, I'm all with you, and to tell the truth, in the ms there's this red star with the words CUT in red, bold italics! True story. Sometimes I just get downright silly. I'll fix it here, too.
Again, don't be a stranger and thanks again!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from patmedium
GRRRRRRRREAT !
Many thanks. Where have you been all my life?
I am really enjoying this one, Gayle.
Many thanks.
No criticism.
Pat.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2010
|
GRRRRRRRREAT !
Many thanks. Where have you been all my life?
I am really enjoying this one, Gayle.
Many thanks.
No criticism.
Pat.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2010
-
LOL, Pat, I knew you'd like this one, next one, too. I'm having so much fun writing this one; glad you're enjoying!
Gayle
-
The trouble is, I feel guilty when I review them cos I'd gladly read these for free! And I aint got anything constructive to say: you're so far out of my range, you're on the moon! Best wishes, Pat.
Comment from Readywriter52
Ella sounds like a great place to eat. Cathy and Rudy were welcomed with enthusiasm. Everyone seemed to know Cathy and Suzi. They were glad to see them.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2010
|
Ella sounds like a great place to eat. Cathy and Rudy were welcomed with enthusiasm. Everyone seemed to know Cathy and Suzi. They were glad to see them.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2010
-
I love ELLAs, Ready and I bet you would, too. Sounds like just the place to hang after a long work week!
Thanks again and we'll talk soon,
Gayle
Comment from rwilliam
This is a good chapter. Easy to read and not burdened with to much description or unnecessary details. Great work Gayle!
I am a little lost on Suzi's return. That was such a big part of the story and this is a bit of a let down. I would like to hear more about the return or see more emotion from Cathy. It seems lacking to me. What do you think?
Another good chapter. Keep 'em coming.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2010
|
This is a good chapter. Easy to read and not burdened with to much description or unnecessary details. Great work Gayle!
I am a little lost on Suzi's return. That was such a big part of the story and this is a bit of a let down. I would like to hear more about the return or see more emotion from Cathy. It seems lacking to me. What do you think?
Another good chapter. Keep 'em coming.
Comment Written 07-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2010
-
I think you're probably right, Rebecca. I thought that rather than go through the actual reunion, I'd show it a couple hours later, after the vet, et al. Do you think I need to expand it a bit? I sure can do that! Let me know, please?
Hugs,
Gayle
-
Well Gayle this novel is your baby. I would suggest expanding it though. Being a pet lover and seeing how upset Cathy was about losing Suzi finding her was weak. So ... yes I would expand it if it were me. Just a thought. :-)I would love to read the new part. Let me know alright?!
Comment from EllieKaye
Hi Gayle,
Well written and interesting. I'm going to have to go back and read the beginning. :) I think I know what's up, but I don't quite understand the link to the animals and the green eyed guy. He's an animal lover, but did he take the dog? Hmmm... it's all intriguing. :)
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2010
|
Hi Gayle,
Well written and interesting. I'm going to have to go back and read the beginning. :) I think I know what's up, but I don't quite understand the link to the animals and the green eyed guy. He's an animal lover, but did he take the dog? Hmmm... it's all intriguing. :)
Comment Written 07-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2010
-
Hey Laura,
Listen, go back and read to catch up, but if the bucks are gone you don't need to leave a review. Unless you see something everyone else missed, of course!
We're going to get to the reason why the dogs are around in the next couple of chapters.
Thanks for the great review!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Very interesting. I can't wait to see what's going on.
Terry plopped down next to Ella (both humans, plopped down beside Ella)
Kip sat next to Rudy's leg, (same as above)
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2010
|
Very interesting. I can't wait to see what's going on.
Terry plopped down next to Ella (both humans, plopped down beside Ella)
Kip sat next to Rudy's leg, (same as above)
Comment Written 07-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2010
-
Hey Barbara,
Let me see what I can do to fix those sentences! Thanks so much for the sharp eye and the comments.
Hugs,
Gayle