Better Watch Out For The Bears!
A lesson about making a mess.....41 total reviews
Comment from light
This is a very clever take on the three bears. I liked the way you used this to tell a real story. I also liked the picture you used. A very enjoyable read.
Elaine
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2009
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This is a very clever take on the three bears. I liked the way you used this to tell a real story. I also liked the picture you used. A very enjoyable read.
Elaine
Comment Written 30-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2009
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Elaine
So glad you enjoyed my children's story. I hope that it would teach a lesson or two. Appreciate the review. Carol
Comment from RebelRose
A cute story with a good lesson indeed. Very well written and interesting. I thinks kids as well as adults would be interested in this.
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2009
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A cute story with a good lesson indeed. Very well written and interesting. I thinks kids as well as adults would be interested in this.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2009
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RebelRose
Thank you so much for the kind review. I hope that it would teach children a modern day lesson through Goldilocks. Thanks again. Carol
Comment from Charlene0513
To Begin Again,
This is certainly a very interesting and yet shocking short story esp. to the mother. I like your metaphoric analysis you came up with between the three girls and the bears. Somewhere there was a lesson to be learned for the three girls.
Great Writing wish it could of been longer. LOL
Charlene
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2009
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To Begin Again,
This is certainly a very interesting and yet shocking short story esp. to the mother. I like your metaphoric analysis you came up with between the three girls and the bears. Somewhere there was a lesson to be learned for the three girls.
Great Writing wish it could of been longer. LOL
Charlene
Comment Written 30-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2009
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Charlene
Thank you for reading my little take on Goldilocks. Glad you enjoyed it and I hope the "darling" girls learned a lesson. Smiles to you always, Carol
Comment from --Turtle.
Hi Carol,
Cute story rendition from the three bears brought to today, noticed some grammar things to fix.
At the second bedroom door, she listened for any sound. Not hearing anything, she quietly opened the door.
(this sentence I only suggest to instead of having two consecutive sentences concerning the door.,, to have ... she quietly entered)
"But(,) Mommy, I'm tired.(,)" (t)[T]he second little girl explained.
"I'll clean the front room." The second little girl cried.
(you know this reads as the girl says something and then cried, like tears)
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2009
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Hi Carol,
Cute story rendition from the three bears brought to today, noticed some grammar things to fix.
At the second bedroom door, she listened for any sound. Not hearing anything, she quietly opened the door.
(this sentence I only suggest to instead of having two consecutive sentences concerning the door.,, to have ... she quietly entered)
"But(,) Mommy, I'm tired.(,)" (t)[T]he second little girl explained.
"I'll clean the front room." The second little girl cried.
(you know this reads as the girl says something and then cried, like tears)
Comment Written 29-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2009
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turtle
Made the changes and corrected. I used cried because the original story did but it wasn't essential whether I did or not. Thanks for the review. Hope you are doing fine....Smiles, Carol
Comment from HalfHoff
You better run, not walk, to the nearest illustrator and get this gem published. I love it, I love it, I LOVE IT! Wish I had had this when my mess makers were still here! OUTSTANDING! Lea Ann
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2009
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You better run, not walk, to the nearest illustrator and get this gem published. I love it, I love it, I LOVE IT! Wish I had had this when my mess makers were still here! OUTSTANDING! Lea Ann
Comment Written 29-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2009
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Lea Ann
Wow...You really know how to make a person feel good. I am so pleased that you though the story was good enough to consider publishing. I have never tried any of my stories. Thank you for your encouragement. Smiles, Carol
Comment from Realist101
HOW cute!! THis story should be read to ALL messy kids with tired and worn out Mom's...I love the take on the Three Bears, very good young lady, and very enjoyable, I have smiled for the first time this afternoon... :) Susan
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2009
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HOW cute!! THis story should be read to ALL messy kids with tired and worn out Mom's...I love the take on the Three Bears, very good young lady, and very enjoyable, I have smiled for the first time this afternoon... :) Susan
Comment Written 29-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2009
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Susan
I am so happy that I could put a smile upon your face. Thank you for the kind review and for putting a smile on my face too. I appreciate the review. Carol
Comment from Juliette Chamberlain
Good remake of Goldilocks and the three bears story.
That was certainly one way to get those children cleaning up the mess they had made.
Interesting children's story.
Juliette
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2009
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Good remake of Goldilocks and the three bears story.
That was certainly one way to get those children cleaning up the mess they had made.
Interesting children's story.
Juliette
Comment Written 29-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2009
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Juliette
I have just begun to dabble in children's stories so I am glad that you thought it was enjoyable. Thank you for the kind review. Carol
Comment from second thought
I remember that story from school. I didn't know it was written so long ago. Wonder if they still tell the story in public school. Your ending was wonderful it made me smile with joy. As usual you are #1. In NY street language. RIGHT ON.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2009
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I remember that story from school. I didn't know it was written so long ago. Wonder if they still tell the story in public school. Your ending was wonderful it made me smile with joy. As usual you are #1. In NY street language. RIGHT ON.
Comment Written 29-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2009
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Second thought
Thank you so muc h for the awesome comments and I appreciate the review very much. I have just begun to try writing a few children's stories so I am glad that you thought it was a good one. Smiles to you, Carol
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same to you. Well done.
Comment from Tellis
I admire you for not getting screaming mad. I don't know if I could have contained my anger at such a mess. I really enjoyed reading this old story made new again.
Tellis
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2009
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I admire you for not getting screaming mad. I don't know if I could have contained my anger at such a mess. I really enjoyed reading this old story made new again.
Tellis
Comment Written 29-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2009
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Tellis
I have learned to choose my battles and that wasn't one worth fighting I guess. Next year it's disposable everything..LOL
Thanks for the great review. I appreciate you stopping by..Smiles to you, CArol
Comment from melyuki
Well Goldilocks, that story was just perfect. The whole way through I was imagining you after thanksgiving, stuck with the grotty kitchen , and all the mess from your wonderful thankful family, who just took off and left you to it. The story is fantastic. A great visual with a touch of humour to carry it through. Perhaps you should print it and send a copy to each member of your cherished family sis, and at the bottom, a big thank you from your slave, mamma goldilocks. Well done, did you feel better after writing it. I bet you did. hugs to you goldilocks, and I promise, if I ever come to visit, I will clean up before I leave. smiling with you, little sis.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2009
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Well Goldilocks, that story was just perfect. The whole way through I was imagining you after thanksgiving, stuck with the grotty kitchen , and all the mess from your wonderful thankful family, who just took off and left you to it. The story is fantastic. A great visual with a touch of humour to carry it through. Perhaps you should print it and send a copy to each member of your cherished family sis, and at the bottom, a big thank you from your slave, mamma goldilocks. Well done, did you feel better after writing it. I bet you did. hugs to you goldilocks, and I promise, if I ever come to visit, I will clean up before I leave. smiling with you, little sis.
Comment Written 29-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2009
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Sis
Good morning/Good Evening Yes, I truly enjoyed writing that little bit of a story. Shake everything out of my system so something new can get in there, I guess. Thanks for the wonderful review. Smiles, Carol
