Precious Gems: An Anthology
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "New Ground"A Rhyming Collection of Treasured Works
33 total reviews
Comment from Forestdawn
C O N G R A T U L A T I O N S ! ! ! alpacalady!!!
For coming in third place in the Poetry Artwok contest! with your poem New Ground. Great structure. Imagery outstanding! overall great read! Again congrads
blessings
forestdawn
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2008
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C O N G R A T U L A T I O N S ! ! ! alpacalady!!!
For coming in third place in the Poetry Artwok contest! with your poem New Ground. Great structure. Imagery outstanding! overall great read! Again congrads
blessings
forestdawn
Comment Written 21-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2008
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Thank you so much Forestdawn for the great review and comments and your congrats! Blessings back to you! xoxoxoxo
Comment from Rosy O'Grey
Hello, Alpacalady.
What a wonderfully told tale. Your words almost make me cry as I have been in this mother's shoes many years ago. (I kicked him out, instead of running the first time. Like a fool, I wed another brute. That time I sent the kids first and ran away in the night.)
Congratulations on winning 3rd. place.
Your talent is very remarkable. Do not quit.
Best wishes,
Rosy
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2008
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Hello, Alpacalady.
What a wonderfully told tale. Your words almost make me cry as I have been in this mother's shoes many years ago. (I kicked him out, instead of running the first time. Like a fool, I wed another brute. That time I sent the kids first and ran away in the night.)
Congratulations on winning 3rd. place.
Your talent is very remarkable. Do not quit.
Best wishes,
Rosy
Comment Written 21-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2008
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Hi Rosy. I won't be quitting any time soon, particularly when I get commens like yours. I'm so glad you found a way out and survived to tell the story; it does my heart good to hear this.
I'm happy you enjoyed this poem, and appreciate your kind comments and review. But mostly, thank God you and your children finally were safe. Many thanks and God bless xoxoxoxoxox
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Those escapes occurred many years ago. My children are grown and my grandchildren are teenagers. I am happy to report that I finally learned to love myself enough to avoid abusive men.
I have seen many that are too filled with fear and self doubt to take the risk of freedom.
Thanks again for the great poem. Perhaps it will hit home with some battered wife and she will find the courage to run for her life.
Rosy
Comment from suneagle
It's a great poem, Chris. Congratulations on third place in the contest. However, it does need a good edit.
My Father is a giant and much stronger than my Mother. (No capitals for father and mother when the relationship follows a pronoun:
My father is a giant and much stronger than my mother.)
A holiday, my Mother said, and then she bit her lip. (mother)
I should be so excited, but I just feel scared instead;
for we left Dad alone, asleep, a bottle by his head.
(You don't need a semicolon there. A simple comma will suffice because of the preposition "for" beginning the next line:
I should be so excited, but I just feel scared instead,
for we left Dad alone, asleep, a bottle by his head.)
I asked my Mother why it is that Dad was staying home: (mother, but Dad is correct. [Notice no pronoun before "Dad".])
did she forget to take him? Wouldn't he be sad alone? (Capital "Did" after the colon.)
and ask her if she's feeling well? She says, "I'm ok, Son". (The accepted spellings are "okay" in lower case, and "OK" in capitals.)
She says "I walked into a door; I must watch where I'm going." (She says, "I walked ... [Comma inserted.])
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2008
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It's a great poem, Chris. Congratulations on third place in the contest. However, it does need a good edit.
My Father is a giant and much stronger than my Mother. (No capitals for father and mother when the relationship follows a pronoun:
My father is a giant and much stronger than my mother.)
A holiday, my Mother said, and then she bit her lip. (mother)
I should be so excited, but I just feel scared instead;
for we left Dad alone, asleep, a bottle by his head.
(You don't need a semicolon there. A simple comma will suffice because of the preposition "for" beginning the next line:
I should be so excited, but I just feel scared instead,
for we left Dad alone, asleep, a bottle by his head.)
I asked my Mother why it is that Dad was staying home: (mother, but Dad is correct. [Notice no pronoun before "Dad".])
did she forget to take him? Wouldn't he be sad alone? (Capital "Did" after the colon.)
and ask her if she's feeling well? She says, "I'm ok, Son". (The accepted spellings are "okay" in lower case, and "OK" in capitals.)
She says "I walked into a door; I must watch where I'm going." (She says, "I walked ... [Comma inserted.])
Comment Written 21-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2008
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Hi suneagle,
Thank you so much for reviewing this, and spending the time you did on it. Your comments are constructive and helpful, and I'll go and fix those bits 'o' nits straight away. The father and mother thing I have a problem with, but you've explained it so well I should be fine with it now! The capitals were a show of respect so to speak, but grammatically that's obviously not right.
I appreciate this very much, and hope you visit one of my poems again some day. It's always good to get a lower rating than a 5 and recieve constructive help and positive comments like you've done here. (Not saying I don't like 5's, but I'd rather earn 'em!). Good on you! xoxoxoxoxo
Comment from vertigo50
Nice job and another real poem. I love the following line:
I'm taking us to somewhere nice, where sun shines all year round.
I think it will be good for us to walk upon new ground".
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2008
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Nice job and another real poem. I love the following line:
I'm taking us to somewhere nice, where sun shines all year round.
I think it will be good for us to walk upon new ground".
Comment Written 01-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2008
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Thank you vertigo50. Not only for stopping by, but for looking up something not listed anymore. I'm glad you liked this one, and appreciate the time you took, and your great review. Catch you on the flip side! xoxoxoxxo
Comment from peggysis64
What a wonderful way to deal with such an ugly topic. We always look at it from the view of the abused, but it tends to take on a whole new perspective when looking at it through the eyes of the children who are also affected. Too often the abuse continues because the victim is to afraid for so many reasons to seek out that new ground. Very well written, nice structure and built in rhythm make for an easy read. - k
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2008
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What a wonderful way to deal with such an ugly topic. We always look at it from the view of the abused, but it tends to take on a whole new perspective when looking at it through the eyes of the children who are also affected. Too often the abuse continues because the victim is to afraid for so many reasons to seek out that new ground. Very well written, nice structure and built in rhythm make for an easy read. - k
Comment Written 12-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2008
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Thanks k for your comments and rating. I'm glad you enjoyed this xoxoxoxo
Comment from dportwood
alpacalady,
'New Ground' is an expressive bittersweet poem that could be and is the subject of novels, TV productions and movies. Emotions and courage of abused wife and children well described. Rhyme, structure, language and imagery all excellent.
Duane
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2008
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alpacalady,
'New Ground' is an expressive bittersweet poem that could be and is the subject of novels, TV productions and movies. Emotions and courage of abused wife and children well described. Rhyme, structure, language and imagery all excellent.
Duane
Comment Written 12-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2008
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Thank you Duane, for your thoughtful comments and rating. I'm glad you enjoyed this one. xoxoxoxoxo
Comment from joanie
this is so wonderful. Not a sloppy sentimental poem begging us to feel sad, but a poem which paces itself well,slowly showing the drama that has occurred in this family. showing not telling, not that's always a good thing. Joanie
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2008
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this is so wonderful. Not a sloppy sentimental poem begging us to feel sad, but a poem which paces itself well,slowly showing the drama that has occurred in this family. showing not telling, not that's always a good thing. Joanie
Comment Written 12-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2008
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Well thanks Joanie! I hate sloppy sentimental stuff, so try to avoid it at all times. So I'm very glad you enjoyed this one and appreciate your comments and rating very much! xoxoxoxo
Comment from mushroom
This to me is very touching,not only have you captured the art work very well but also i feel you have hit upon a very heart felt subject, it does leave me thinking about all the other people in the world who like the poem says it would be good to walk on new ground and for anyone needing to get away from a situation, you couldn't have put it better, good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2008
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This to me is very touching,not only have you captured the art work very well but also i feel you have hit upon a very heart felt subject, it does leave me thinking about all the other people in the world who like the poem says it would be good to walk on new ground and for anyone needing to get away from a situation, you couldn't have put it better, good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 12-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2008
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Thank you so much mushroom. Not only for your thoughts, comments and rating, but for your good luck wishes. I'm very glad you enjoyed this! xoxoxoxox
Comment from POLLYANNE
A very good poem that fits well within the 'Poetry in Art' parameters. I enjoy the classic aabb rhyming scheme too. It tells a good yet sad story. The meter was swift, which makes the reading easy. Pollyanne
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2008
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A very good poem that fits well within the 'Poetry in Art' parameters. I enjoy the classic aabb rhyming scheme too. It tells a good yet sad story. The meter was swift, which makes the reading easy. Pollyanne
Comment Written 11-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2008
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Thank you so much Pollyanne for your wonderful review! xoxoxoxo
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You are most welcome. Pollyanne
Comment from lawriemac
This is an absolutely marvellous poem.
In one way this is sad because of the marriage difficulties, but the sadness is replaced by hope for the future.
To show it through the eyes of a six year old is a great idea, giving a different perspective to an age old story.
The poem is beautifully written and each stanza tells a story.
If I had a six it would be yours for this is a great piece of work.
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2008
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This is an absolutely marvellous poem.
In one way this is sad because of the marriage difficulties, but the sadness is replaced by hope for the future.
To show it through the eyes of a six year old is a great idea, giving a different perspective to an age old story.
The poem is beautifully written and each stanza tells a story.
If I had a six it would be yours for this is a great piece of work.
Comment Written 11-Jul-2008
reply by the author on 11-Jul-2008
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Thank you so much lawriemac! I am honoured by your comments, and that you felt it warranted a 6. But your comments more than make up for that one "missing" star! Again, thank you so very much xoxoxoxo