Veil of Secrets
Viewing comments for Chapter 52 "Veil of Secrets - Chap 52"Mystery/Crime and Ghosts
13 total reviews
Comment from eliz100
This is another excellent chapter. The good guys and the bad guys are quite creative. I wonder who the woman who the woman on the phone was. I look forward to the next chapter. I do not see any room for improvement. Have a blessed day.
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This is another excellent chapter. The good guys and the bad guys are quite creative. I wonder who the woman who the woman on the phone was. I look forward to the next chapter. I do not see any room for improvement. Have a blessed day.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2025
Comment from Pearl Edwards
A fast moving chapter with these two raids happening, with Frank, Jack and Danny being more successful De luca's team. I could easily visualise all this mayhem from your descriptions, Carol. Well done, cheers
Valda
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A fast moving chapter with these two raids happening, with Frank, Jack and Danny being more successful De luca's team. I could easily visualise all this mayhem from your descriptions, Carol. Well done, cheers
Valda
Comment Written 14-Mar-2025
Comment from F. William Lester
Another excellent piece. Your descriptions are superb: "...its neon sign flickering like a dying heartbeat..."; "...the floors gleamed with polished marble, the scent of top-shelf whiskey replaced the sour tang of cheap beer..."; "...a money-laundering empire, a fortress where debts were collected in blood..."; "...a hulking structure reeking of decay...". They really added to the story and made it very visual. The pace was fast, non-stop, and well maintained. I was out of breath by the end of the chapter. I did have a problem visualizing the initial action in opening paragraphs. Frank was at the bar and Jack was at the pool table. Where was Danny? Did he just walk in and right up to the bar or was he somewhere else? It just seemed as though he suddenly appeared just before he took a seat at the bar. Where is the steel door: behind the bartender or somewhere else? Is that where Zhang's men hid until the tactical team burst it? Why did the bartender glance at it - again which direction did he glance? Your writing is great and fun to read, but I think you need to clean up the confusion of the opening action. Nice work. Thanks for sharing it. Be well.
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Another excellent piece. Your descriptions are superb: "...its neon sign flickering like a dying heartbeat..."; "...the floors gleamed with polished marble, the scent of top-shelf whiskey replaced the sour tang of cheap beer..."; "...a money-laundering empire, a fortress where debts were collected in blood..."; "...a hulking structure reeking of decay...". They really added to the story and made it very visual. The pace was fast, non-stop, and well maintained. I was out of breath by the end of the chapter. I did have a problem visualizing the initial action in opening paragraphs. Frank was at the bar and Jack was at the pool table. Where was Danny? Did he just walk in and right up to the bar or was he somewhere else? It just seemed as though he suddenly appeared just before he took a seat at the bar. Where is the steel door: behind the bartender or somewhere else? Is that where Zhang's men hid until the tactical team burst it? Why did the bartender glance at it - again which direction did he glance? Your writing is great and fun to read, but I think you need to clean up the confusion of the opening action. Nice work. Thanks for sharing it. Be well.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2025
Comment from Harry Craft
The Red Phoenix was a relic of Bayside's worst days - its neon sign flickering like a dying heartbeat, barely illuminating the cracked sidewalk below. This is a great opening for this story Carol. And since I was born in Phoenix, this is my favorite line in the story lol! Another masterpiece! Keep up the great work!
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The Red Phoenix was a relic of Bayside's worst days - its neon sign flickering like a dying heartbeat, barely illuminating the cracked sidewalk below. This is a great opening for this story Carol. And since I was born in Phoenix, this is my favorite line in the story lol! Another masterpiece! Keep up the great work!
Comment Written 13-Mar-2025
Comment from Wendy G
Goodness, this reads like one of those movies I don't watch because they are too violent. Lol! You write it as if you are watching it all happen, which makes it very vivid and intense. Now, who is A.G.? Yes, I know, it will all be answered in due course.
Well written!
Wendy
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2025
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Goodness, this reads like one of those movies I don't watch because they are too violent. Lol! You write it as if you are watching it all happen, which makes it very vivid and intense. Now, who is A.G.? Yes, I know, it will all be answered in due course.
Well written!
Wendy
Comment Written 13-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2025
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A.G. is Alex Garland — the Judge. I don't like to write much violence either but I felt this was necessary in order to show how evil and wide spread Zhang's corruption was. Now we are passed that so you can open your eyes...LOL Thanks so much, WEndy.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Phew!! I'm exhausted! This was another incredible chapter. I'm beginning to think that you must have been the female equivalent to the Godfather!! You know too much about all this stuff! Lol. The details in the fighting, the shootouts, the discoveries. You've left us wondering if they can save enough to destroy Zhang, and get those bodies out. And more importantly, all of them getting out of that death trap! Next please!!!!! Lol. Brilliant. As with all your posts it deserved a six, but a virtual one is all I can give. Love you lots, my dear friend. Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2025
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Phew!! I'm exhausted! This was another incredible chapter. I'm beginning to think that you must have been the female equivalent to the Godfather!! You know too much about all this stuff! Lol. The details in the fighting, the shootouts, the discoveries. You've left us wondering if they can save enough to destroy Zhang, and get those bodies out. And more importantly, all of them getting out of that death trap! Next please!!!!! Lol. Brilliant. As with all your posts it deserved a six, but a virtual one is all I can give. Love you lots, my dear friend. Sandra xxx
Comment Written 13-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2025
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Hey, where did yur smiling face go? I like when it comes up and I can feel like you are talking to me..Silly me! As for being told I sound like the female version of the Godfather, I've heard that before...guess I was married to an Italian too long.....I see no evil, or at least any I can write about except in my stories. LOL Hope you are doing okay. And thank you for the virtual six. Smiles, hugs and lots of love, Carol
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I dont know what happened to my photo. I'll check it out. I didn't mean it about being the Godmother! 😂xxxx
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
One raid came off almost like planned. The second did not and they were fighting for their lives to get out. I wonder who the woman is who makes the calls.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2025
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One raid came off almost like planned. The second did not and they were fighting for their lives to get out. I wonder who the woman is who makes the calls.
Comment Written 12-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2025
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Hmmm... that's a good question. Whoever she is, she doesn't have any qualms about ending lives that mght endanger hers. Thanks as always... I am so far behind again so I sat down this morning and said the first I was going to do is answer last nights reviews. I so appreciate it.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Cecilia A Heiskary
Carol,
Great chapter of the book. Lots of action and now they have lots of questions, but will they find the baby before Zhang flies her away some where.
Great job.
Ceciila
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Carol,
Great chapter of the book. Lots of action and now they have lots of questions, but will they find the baby before Zhang flies her away some where.
Great job.
Ceciila
Comment Written 12-Mar-2025
Comment from LJbutterfly
You gave us two dynamic fight scenes that were action packed, with realistic, detailed descriptions that made it easy to envision. Your creative imagination and exceptional writing skills are obvious. This entire novel is Netflix worthy.
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You gave us two dynamic fight scenes that were action packed, with realistic, detailed descriptions that made it easy to envision. Your creative imagination and exceptional writing skills are obvious. This entire novel is Netflix worthy.
Comment Written 12-Mar-2025
Comment from royowen
This seems to be a major shutdown of Zhang's operations, and the capture of his men, it seems like our heroes have certainly trumped Zhang's dealings, but Zhang could possibly be overseas, incognito so to speak, but where is Maggie, well done, blessings Roy
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This seems to be a major shutdown of Zhang's operations, and the capture of his men, it seems like our heroes have certainly trumped Zhang's dealings, but Zhang could possibly be overseas, incognito so to speak, but where is Maggie, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 12-Mar-2025
