No - Say It Ain't So!
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "No! Say It Ain't So, Ch. 21-22"I woke up one morning feeling...
6 total reviews
Comment from Faith Williams
Things are getting complicated. I hadn't considered the switch occurring while Phil was in the attic. It would make for an interesting scene for sure.
It also adds a disturbing idea to me about how people in power can weasel information from others to serve their own purposes.
Suggestions to consider:
"He's not here, I heard an unfamiliar voice say. I believe you need quotation marks following 'here'.
I was more able to get into the book by the time the Bilbo troop... I find this sentence a little awkward. Maybe switch it around?
Looking forward to the next chapter, Wayne!
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2025
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Things are getting complicated. I hadn't considered the switch occurring while Phil was in the attic. It would make for an interesting scene for sure.
It also adds a disturbing idea to me about how people in power can weasel information from others to serve their own purposes.
Suggestions to consider:
"He's not here, I heard an unfamiliar voice say. I believe you need quotation marks following 'here'.
I was more able to get into the book by the time the Bilbo troop... I find this sentence a little awkward. Maybe switch it around?
Looking forward to the next chapter, Wayne!
Comment Written 12-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2025
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Thank you. You've a great help with your excellent reviews.
Comment from jim vecchio
It didn't seem overly long to me. I'll bet stories about my old days in a drunken stupor are much longer. Anyhow, as soon as I read the beginning, I was reminded of those old days when I accepted a challenge to climb over a fence into a monkey house. The minute I touched bottom, my mind was transferred to that of a rhesus monkey, but not our bodies. However, it took the zoo handlers three weeks to notice the difference.
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2025
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It didn't seem overly long to me. I'll bet stories about my old days in a drunken stupor are much longer. Anyhow, as soon as I read the beginning, I was reminded of those old days when I accepted a challenge to climb over a fence into a monkey house. The minute I touched bottom, my mind was transferred to that of a rhesus monkey, but not our bodies. However, it took the zoo handlers three weeks to notice the difference.
Comment Written 11-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2025
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Very good! And how long did it take your family to notice?
Comment from lyenochka
Poor Tom having to be in two places at once! Somehow I can't imagine Trump listening to the Hobbit or Lord of the Rings. But maybe some creative renaming might help. Yes, please make him stop trying to kill Obamacare. I think he's just jealous and would approve a rename to Trumpcare. Anyway, it was due to Obamacare that the health insurance companies were forced to accept us when we were both jobless and had cancer ten years ago. So hoping no one else will have to be discriminated against for pre-existing conditions!
Anyway, this is complicated and hope they can juggle everything and keep the identities straight!
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2025
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Poor Tom having to be in two places at once! Somehow I can't imagine Trump listening to the Hobbit or Lord of the Rings. But maybe some creative renaming might help. Yes, please make him stop trying to kill Obamacare. I think he's just jealous and would approve a rename to Trumpcare. Anyway, it was due to Obamacare that the health insurance companies were forced to accept us when we were both jobless and had cancer ten years ago. So hoping no one else will have to be discriminated against for pre-existing conditions!
Anyway, this is complicated and hope they can juggle everything and keep the identities straight!
Comment Written 10-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2025
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Thank you.
You're probably right, tweak ObamaCare just enough to rename it and Trump would gladly own it.
You're also right that this part gets complicated. It would read better in a book format where the reader could muscle through.
Comment from Wendy G
Yes, it is getting very complicated! Just as well they (or most of them) have their wits about them. Let's hope they can get Phil safely away. But I am sure it won't be that easy!
Wendy
Edit: clamoring up it anyway (clambering?)
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2025
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Yes, it is getting very complicated! Just as well they (or most of them) have their wits about them. Let's hope they can get Phil safely away. But I am sure it won't be that easy!
Wendy
Edit: clamoring up it anyway (clambering?)
Comment Written 10-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2025
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Thank you for your great review.
Clamboring would be more visually descriptive, but I was going for the noise. ...(all the racket involved)
You're right about the complications. This would be more easily digested in book form rather than every couple days along with all the other posts to read and review.
What would you think of renaming Trump to Czrump? (smiley face here)
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I think it's probably best to leave him as "real" Trump. Yes, I did wonder if you were thinking about the clamor of noise.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Things seem to be getting a lot more difficult. If the wrong people get Phil's body when Trump has just gone into it, complications will be a 100% more difficult.
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2025
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Things seem to be getting a lot more difficult. If the wrong people get Phil's body when Trump has just gone into it, complications will be a 100% more difficult.
Comment Written 10-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2025
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Thank you for your very kind review.
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
Your story pulled me in again. You have a way with dialogue and a sense of urgency. I love how you build suspense! Especially with the safe house situation and the plan to move Phil. And the idea of sneaking a name change into The Hobbit to trick Trump was brilliant! That added just the right amount of humor to the tension. Your writing keeps me hooked! I can't wait to see where this all leads!
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2025
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Your story pulled me in again. You have a way with dialogue and a sense of urgency. I love how you build suspense! Especially with the safe house situation and the plan to move Phil. And the idea of sneaking a name change into The Hobbit to trick Trump was brilliant! That added just the right amount of humor to the tension. Your writing keeps me hooked! I can't wait to see where this all leads!
Comment Written 10-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2025
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Thank you immensely!
