No - Say It Ain't So!
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Say It Ain't So!"I woke up one morning feeling...
10 total reviews
Comment from Cecilia A Heiskary
Wayne,
This was a great story. What a great imagination you have when writing. I can't tell if you are in the Trump camp or the Harris camp and that's okay.
This story is well organized and flows quite nicely from beginning to end.
Well done my friend
Cecilia
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2025
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Wayne,
This was a great story. What a great imagination you have when writing. I can't tell if you are in the Trump camp or the Harris camp and that's okay.
This story is well organized and flows quite nicely from beginning to end.
Well done my friend
Cecilia
Comment Written 18-Feb-2025
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2025
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Thank you very much. My 'side' will be made plain soon enough.
Thank you again for your very nice review.
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You are welcome my friend
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is amusing and you in Trump's body are getting the government back to something like working order. I can't help but hope you do get rid of the VP as he seems really off the wall. I wonder how long this nightmare with last for Trump stuck in your body.
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2025
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This is amusing and you in Trump's body are getting the government back to something like working order. I can't help but hope you do get rid of the VP as he seems really off the wall. I wonder how long this nightmare with last for Trump stuck in your body.
Comment Written 16-Feb-2025
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2025
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I'm afraid not long enough. I've finished writing and now forced to live in reality.
Thank you for your very nice review.
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Your wife will divorce him.
Comment from Faith Williams
An interesting story so far, Wayne. I like the premise though I do find things a bit rushed in this chapter. I'm not certain the leader of the minority party would be so ready to believe his story either. Maybe some lingering skepticism?
Suggestions to consider:
'I turned on a lamp and (looked around at) the splendor.' A person can say so much with a look. Maybe switch to a stronger verb? Surveyed or studied?
'I get up and right away sense a terrible wrongness.' With first-person POV, many sentences tend to start with 'I'. Maybe review and switch a few around? For example, 'Standing, I immediately sense... '
'After (looking) in vain for a new toothbrush... ' Maybe searching?
'Tom (looked) me in the eye.' That word again. Maybe switch it around? 'Tom met my gaze.' Or 'Tom locked eyes with me.'
In this section here I was confused the first time I read it. I think that last sentence should be a separate paragraph because as it is written, it seems like Phil is asking Tom who he really is.
"So, who did you vote for?" he asked.
"I wanted Biden, or better yet, one of the Democratic governors. But I voted for Kamala." Pronouncing her name right might've helped. ("And you really are...?")
I don't mind long if it's interesting, and this was definitely interesting. Looking forward to reading more.
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2025
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An interesting story so far, Wayne. I like the premise though I do find things a bit rushed in this chapter. I'm not certain the leader of the minority party would be so ready to believe his story either. Maybe some lingering skepticism?
Suggestions to consider:
'I turned on a lamp and (looked around at) the splendor.' A person can say so much with a look. Maybe switch to a stronger verb? Surveyed or studied?
'I get up and right away sense a terrible wrongness.' With first-person POV, many sentences tend to start with 'I'. Maybe review and switch a few around? For example, 'Standing, I immediately sense... '
'After (looking) in vain for a new toothbrush... ' Maybe searching?
'Tom (looked) me in the eye.' That word again. Maybe switch it around? 'Tom met my gaze.' Or 'Tom locked eyes with me.'
In this section here I was confused the first time I read it. I think that last sentence should be a separate paragraph because as it is written, it seems like Phil is asking Tom who he really is.
"So, who did you vote for?" he asked.
"I wanted Biden, or better yet, one of the Democratic governors. But I voted for Kamala." Pronouncing her name right might've helped. ("And you really are...?")
I don't mind long if it's interesting, and this was definitely interesting. Looking forward to reading more.
Comment Written 16-Feb-2025
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2025
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Thank you! I only wish I could have rewarded you more for your superior review!
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Nice you decided to make a book from that contest writting. I read it for the contest and like it a lot, and now as a book will be spectacular. Thank you for sharing this first chapter.
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2025
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Nice you decided to make a book from that contest writting. I read it for the contest and like it a lot, and now as a book will be spectacular. Thank you for sharing this first chapter.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2025
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2025
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Thank you very much. As soon as I finished for the contest, my hands wanted more!
Comment from lyenochka
I couldn't guess from the title what this was going to be about but I love the premise of the story and wish it were true! I know you had a story that had Trump repenting and coming to true faith (something that would cost him most of his support base) and now someone else's brain is inhabiting the man who is making so many problems for so many people. I hope he finds that the orders he signed off on will have an adverse effect on his own supporters.
Great opener!
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2025
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I couldn't guess from the title what this was going to be about but I love the premise of the story and wish it were true! I know you had a story that had Trump repenting and coming to true faith (something that would cost him most of his support base) and now someone else's brain is inhabiting the man who is making so many problems for so many people. I hope he finds that the orders he signed off on will have an adverse effect on his own supporters.
Great opener!
Comment Written 14-Feb-2025
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2025
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Thank you.
It was amazing that after writing this for a while, I would actually believe my world was real and what was happening in life was some sort of hoax.
Comment from jim vecchio
This wasn't too big for me, but the print wqs light and small, so I copied it and enlarged it. This was a familiar storyline, as I once woke up in the body of Knucklehead Smiff. Good thing Paul Winchell helped pull me out of it. Whose body did Trump end up in?
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2025
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This wasn't too big for me, but the print wqs light and small, so I copied it and enlarged it. This was a familiar storyline, as I once woke up in the body of Knucklehead Smiff. Good thing Paul Winchell helped pull me out of it. Whose body did Trump end up in?
Comment Written 13-Feb-2025
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2025
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A guy named Phil Jansen, a civilian. We'll lean more about him later.
Thank you for reviewing. I usually make it all bold on Font size 18. I'll check.
Thank you again..
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
Love the references to size, not wearing PJs (has he said that? EWW!).
Oh, dear lord, "I'm not Donald Trump." This is the beginning of a great Netflix series.
I see we're into fantasy now, Wayne, or wishful thinking, or both. I do believe that Hakeem and Tom are taking ahold of this fantasy with too little persuasion. That would have to be looked at if this were ever meant for publication.
I know you said the first chapter was long, but in the future you should pay people a little more to read longer chapters. It helps get eyes on, and you have to hope they actually read it.
I won't be able to catch much over the next few weeks; my stint with the other site ends March 13. Hopefully, I won't miss too much as I don't plan to go back and read any of the old posts sitting in my mailbox.
Good luck with this one.
xo
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2025
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Love the references to size, not wearing PJs (has he said that? EWW!).
Oh, dear lord, "I'm not Donald Trump." This is the beginning of a great Netflix series.
I see we're into fantasy now, Wayne, or wishful thinking, or both. I do believe that Hakeem and Tom are taking ahold of this fantasy with too little persuasion. That would have to be looked at if this were ever meant for publication.
I know you said the first chapter was long, but in the future you should pay people a little more to read longer chapters. It helps get eyes on, and you have to hope they actually read it.
I won't be able to catch much over the next few weeks; my stint with the other site ends March 13. Hopefully, I won't miss too much as I don't plan to go back and read any of the old posts sitting in my mailbox.
Good luck with this one.
xo
Comment Written 13-Feb-2025
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2025
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You are absolutely right about the pay. Unfortunately, I run the account to zero with every post.
Phil and Trump are going to randomly switch back and forth.
What's odd, is that I get involved in this, and when I step away, I think mine is real and real life is sci-fi/fantasy.
Thank you for your review. I'll miss you.
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
This is a fantastic start! The story is so interesting. The pacing kept me interested in the story. It is such a fun and thought provoking idea! I like how the internal voice feels so natural. That's not easy to do but you seem to do it naturally. That made the body swap situation feel both surreal and so interesting. Again, what a terrific start!
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2025
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This is a fantastic start! The story is so interesting. The pacing kept me interested in the story. It is such a fun and thought provoking idea! I like how the internal voice feels so natural. That's not easy to do but you seem to do it naturally. That made the body swap situation feel both surreal and so interesting. Again, what a terrific start!
Comment Written 13-Feb-2025
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2025
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Thank you!
I'm trying a change-up in format/style. I've seen it done professionally, but I'll soon find out if I'm up to the task - different POV for different chapters. Mainly, the two 'switched' individuals. "I'll trust FanStorians to tell me whether it becomes too confusing.
Thank you for your great review!
Comment from Wendy G
Yes, I do remember it from the contest. So it is a finished book already?! You'll certainly be flat out undoing all the damage to international relations already happening. By the time he removes all the illegal immigrants and doubtless others he doesn't want and sacks anyone who doesn't bow the knee to him, you won't have much of a workforce over there. Bye-bye, democracy.
Unbelievable.
Wendy
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2025
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Yes, I do remember it from the contest. So it is a finished book already?! You'll certainly be flat out undoing all the damage to international relations already happening. By the time he removes all the illegal immigrants and doubtless others he doesn't want and sacks anyone who doesn't bow the knee to him, you won't have much of a workforce over there. Bye-bye, democracy.
Unbelievable.
Wendy
Comment Written 13-Feb-2025
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2025
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Debbie (wife) and are just sick about it. And NATO and poor Ukraine, and people who needed USAID. We hate to turn on the news.
Thank you for reviewing this long a post.
And yes. After writing for the contest, I got excited about fixing the voters' wrong.
Comment from Karen Cherry
This is different. I can't wait for more. As the last thing you do before leaving, can you you give women's body's back to them? No more abortion decisions made by anyone but the the woman herself. Ever. KMaren
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2025
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This is different. I can't wait for more. As the last thing you do before leaving, can you you give women's body's back to them? No more abortion decisions made by anyone but the the woman herself. Ever. KMaren
Comment Written 13-Feb-2025
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2025
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I go one better.
Thank you so very much for struggling through this beast.
