Comment from T B Botts

Excellent

Holy Cats Jim,
this was a great chapter. I don't know what made the Chinese guy feel like he had any more right to be there than Fran and Brian, but he paid for his mistake. Well done.
Blessings,
Tom

 Comment Written 16-Feb-2025

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reply by the author on 17-Feb-2025

Thanks so much, my friend. Although they were surprised to find scouts on the island, Fran had the foresight to go there armed, which saved their lives in all likelihood. This was new for me. I've never had a killing scene in one of my novels.

Comment from Pearl Edwards

Excellent

Well done Fran. I like how you had her counting out the seconds waiting for Brian's fall. That really put us in the picture, holding our breaths, then Strike one for Fran. A great chapter, Jim.
cheers
valda

 Comment Written 12-Feb-2025

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reply by the author on 12-Feb-2025

Thanks so much, Valda. That counting was a last minute addition. In rereading the scene, it just seemed like I had to slow it down a little and draw it out for the sake of the suspense. Glad you enjoyed it.

Comment from Neonewman

Exceptional

This was a riveting chapter, Jim. My heart was racing by the time I reached the cliffhanger. I'm ready for the next one. I need to know what happens next. This is getting exciting, my friend.

I'm no expert by any means, Jim. But something about LEADER

God bless,
Steve

 Comment Written 12-Feb-2025

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reply by the author on 12-Feb-2025

I'm honored by your great review and those 6 stars too, Steve. It took a few tweaks to get this scene in its final form, but I'm glad I took the time to do it in order to build the suspense. I only broke it here for FanStory. In my own manuscript, the scene continues on. I'll be posting that shortly.

reply by Neonewman on 13-Feb-2025

I understand, Jim. There are chapters I write that I would love to lengthen and may still be during the final edit.
If it keeps my interest, I don't mind the longer chapters.
Great job, my friend.
God bless,
Steve

Comment from LJbutterfly

Excellent

Things are not progressing as smoothly and easily as Fran and Brian originally planned. Everything in this chapter was unexpected and shocking. We got a chance to see Fran use some of her tactical training. The knife in the neck blew me away it happened so fast. I can't wait for the next chapter.

 Comment Written 12-Feb-2025

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reply by the author on 12-Feb-2025

Thanks very much for this perceptive review, Lorraine. This scene was a little different for me. I've never included killing in one of my novels. Fran will discuss her feelings about it in the next chapter, and we'll get to see how they deal with what happened.

Comment from Carol Hillebrenner

Exceptional

Fran does what she has to do to keep from being turned over to men who would probably do the same thing to her when she won't tell them why they are on the island. This is certainly not the softer side of Fran. She does what she has to do to save her brother and herself.

 Comment Written 12-Feb-2025

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reply by the author on 12-Feb-2025

I enjoyed your analysis here, Carol, and thanks so much for those 6 stars. I really appreciate it.

Comment from Ric Myworld

Excellent

Great chapter! But now that the one of the captors has taken a knife in the neck, I don't think there looks to be any chance of deescalating the situation. LOL. One of my favorite chapters yet. Thanks for sharing. I'm finally home and looking forward to have more time for reading and reviewing.

 Comment Written 11-Feb-2025

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reply by the author on 12-Feb-2025

Yeah, probably not. He probably won't be too forgiving or reasonable after that!

So, six weeks in Vegas, huh, Ric? Did you end up ahead or behind? (I'm guessing the latter unless you are incredibly skillful.)

Comment from Dolly'sPoems

Exceptional

I hadn't realised the Chinese had gotten involved in all this Jim! Oh my goodness, this is going to be hard to resolve now. This is an exciting chapter Jim and I felt the tension and intensity in this situation. Your vivid descriptions took me right there as these two were arrested by the Chinese. I was shocked by the last paragraph as things have come to a head here in your story, much enjoyed Jim, love Dolly x x x

 Comment Written 11-Feb-2025

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reply by the author on 11-Feb-2025

Thanks so much, Dolly. Near the beginning of the story, it was the Chinese who the FBI mole were in contact with, and he sent the stolen patent data for Dipraxa, which he'd gotten from a woman who worked in the patent office, to his contact in China.

Fran and Brian were hoping to remain undetected because they really want to make sure the Chinese will have no idea why Dipraxa, which they are now manufacturing, stops working and makes people sick to their stomach.

Let's see if they can get out of this situation and get away without anyone the wiser.

Thanks so much for your kind words and the 6 stars.

reply by Dolly'sPoems on 11-Feb-2025

I wish you luck with the next chapter Jim, it sounds like it could be quite exciting x x x

Comment from royowen

Excellent

Well, well well. Poor guy, he's been tricked, but not a pleasant way to die, the first in all your stories, I'm Just about to board a plane, but I've read a great episode, bless you, Roy

 Comment Written 10-Feb-2025

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reply by the author on 10-Feb-2025

Thanks very much. I just realized, you're right, Roy. That is a first for me. It was time to shake things up a bit. It was going too smoothly. Hope you enjoy your trip!

reply by royowen on 11-Feb-2025

Well done

Comment from lancellot

Excellent

Interesting chapter. Yes, it requires a bit more suspension of disbelief but that's okay. You set up the danger and then had Fran, using physical skills, defeat an AK-47 by reaching down, pulling her pant's leg up, retrieving her knife then turn around and stab the guy in the neck. Just like Black Widow.

 Comment Written 10-Feb-2025

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reply by the author on 10-Feb-2025

Thanks, Lance. I never saw Black Widow. What happened in it? Same sort of thing? I don't know how possible this really is, but maybe a trained FBI agent against a distracted, 20-year-old, non-professional kid might have a chance.

reply by lancellot on 10-Feb-2025

4 months of training?? Hmmm, ok. But to even bring Brian on such an armed and dangerous mission. How would she know the 20 year-old was 'non-professional? Or wouldn't just shoot them (I get the story called for them not to be shot, James Bond style). But, I think (and this is just a suggestion) that the drop should not have been on both of them, just Brian, with Fran coming up from behind the Chinese guy. More believable than G.I. Jane. Just saying.

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

Great job researching the Chinese! It's good that Fran knows the right moves and that their captor doesn't know English! I like how you give us the realistic mood changes in Fran due to the heat and fatigue.

 Comment Written 10-Feb-2025

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reply by the author on 10-Feb-2025

Thanks so much, Helen. Good old Google Translate helped me there. Fran wasn't in a good mood to start. Now she's really having a bad day!