Ghosts of the Aleutians
The ghost of the fog attempted revenge on the submarine3 total reviews
Comment from Tom Horonzy
Joined yestrday and initiated contact with a two-bagger.
Welcome to a house of cards where dreams may come to die or fly high.
I think you'll find if you become part of the in-group you'll enjoy
and then other come here to share their joy simply in writing and sharing
thoughts and their insanities.
As for this piece, it draws me back to three sails I made with the Coast Guard on ALPAT patrol aboard Jarvis WHEC-725. You may have heard of her as she beached outside of Dutch Harbor gashing her port hull.
I have seen the whole of the chain at least from Ketikan to the Bering Strait, including Attu, Adak, Kodiak, and Sistka.
I was a Navy Weather-guesser and the weather there would change from glassy seas to 30 foot combers within hours.
Welcome aboard and good sailing.
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Joined yestrday and initiated contact with a two-bagger.
Welcome to a house of cards where dreams may come to die or fly high.
I think you'll find if you become part of the in-group you'll enjoy
and then other come here to share their joy simply in writing and sharing
thoughts and their insanities.
As for this piece, it draws me back to three sails I made with the Coast Guard on ALPAT patrol aboard Jarvis WHEC-725. You may have heard of her as she beached outside of Dutch Harbor gashing her port hull.
I have seen the whole of the chain at least from Ketikan to the Bering Strait, including Attu, Adak, Kodiak, and Sistka.
I was a Navy Weather-guesser and the weather there would change from glassy seas to 30 foot combers within hours.
Welcome aboard and good sailing.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2025
Comment from Harambe is ur Daddy
Not sure how well this fits with the contest parameters, but it's quite a story, and a significant effort. I have to ask... were you looking for a contest in which to drop a story you'd already written, or was this just a loose interpretation of the contest rules? It's an unmoderated contest so you can certainly pull it off. With a better matching contest for your work, it might have gotten a six from me.
I didn't spot any SPAG issues in your piece, which effectively melds humor, technical details, and action in a creative way. The highly detailed introduction sets a great scene and draws the reader into your subterranean seascape, hinting that another story awaits on the surface.
An opportunity for added intrigue:
Battle Stations Missile <= in this heading, surely "Missile" can be omitted? The reader will shortly learn that it is because of a missile, so the heading is redundant.
I suggest an extra blank line before each of the headings.
I appreciated the extra markup for dialogue. It would be nice if more authors did this.
Thanks for a creative read and good luck in the contest,
🦍
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2025
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Not sure how well this fits with the contest parameters, but it's quite a story, and a significant effort. I have to ask... were you looking for a contest in which to drop a story you'd already written, or was this just a loose interpretation of the contest rules? It's an unmoderated contest so you can certainly pull it off. With a better matching contest for your work, it might have gotten a six from me.
I didn't spot any SPAG issues in your piece, which effectively melds humor, technical details, and action in a creative way. The highly detailed introduction sets a great scene and draws the reader into your subterranean seascape, hinting that another story awaits on the surface.
An opportunity for added intrigue:
Battle Stations Missile <= in this heading, surely "Missile" can be omitted? The reader will shortly learn that it is because of a missile, so the heading is redundant.
I suggest an extra blank line before each of the headings.
I appreciated the extra markup for dialogue. It would be nice if more authors did this.
Thanks for a creative read and good luck in the contest,
🦍
Comment Written 27-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2025
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I appreciate the feedback and glad you enjoyed. Yes, it was a loose interpetation of the rules, I was writing the story when I learned of the contest and thought it fit. To your point, the comment Battle Stations Missle - is verbatim - I served four years aboard a Trident sub. This event really happended, I fictionalized it with the ghost story.
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That explains the technical realism of your writing! Very cool.
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Many thanks for the feedback. This process is new to me, I was working this piece when I saw the contest and thought it fit. If you are interested, all of my stuff is on robwhaley.substack.com - free suscription.
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
I really enjoyed the way your story grabs attention right from the start! The twist with the torpedo and the sudden shift to the ghostly warship was such an unexpected surprise. Your characters feel so real. I could easily picture the tension in the submarine. The eerie atmosphere you built was fantastic. I liked how you kept me on the edge of my seat the whole time. Great job - you really pulled me in!
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2025
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I really enjoyed the way your story grabs attention right from the start! The twist with the torpedo and the sudden shift to the ghostly warship was such an unexpected surprise. Your characters feel so real. I could easily picture the tension in the submarine. The eerie atmosphere you built was fantastic. I liked how you kept me on the edge of my seat the whole time. Great job - you really pulled me in!
Comment Written 27-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2025
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Thank you for the kind words. So happy you enjoyed.
