The Whispering Shadows
Haunted house, eerie whispers.10 total reviews
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Not just darkness, but suffocating darkness!
That ain't good, as we would say here in Arkansas.
And why is Sam there at midnight? (smiley face here)
Good luck in the contest.
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Not just darkness, but suffocating darkness!
That ain't good, as we would say here in Arkansas.
And why is Sam there at midnight? (smiley face here)
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2025
Comment from lancellot
This is good. You do well in creating a spooky theme and tone throughout. You have exactly one hundred words and your editing is spot on. Now, flash fiction doesn't just mean short, the ending is a big part of that. I would recommend re-focusing on that. The here seems to lack a punch, or an impactful or surprising conclusion. You want to give the readers something unexpected after that build-up.
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This is good. You do well in creating a spooky theme and tone throughout. You have exactly one hundred words and your editing is spot on. Now, flash fiction doesn't just mean short, the ending is a big part of that. I would recommend re-focusing on that. The here seems to lack a punch, or an impactful or surprising conclusion. You want to give the readers something unexpected after that build-up.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2025
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That is good!! You have managed to show, not tell, this story, allowing us to feel the tension and emotions Sam is feeling. The ending is really scary. Very well done, and good luck in the contest. :)) Sandra xx
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That is good!! You have managed to show, not tell, this story, allowing us to feel the tension and emotions Sam is feeling. The ending is really scary. Very well done, and good luck in the contest. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 10-Jan-2025
Comment from evilynne
That's a great little piece of flash fiction, kind of mysterious and frightening and certainly well written. I wish you the best of luck in the contest! Evi
P.S. I see you just recently joined FS. Welcome aboard!
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That's a great little piece of flash fiction, kind of mysterious and frightening and certainly well written. I wish you the best of luck in the contest! Evi
P.S. I see you just recently joined FS. Welcome aboard!
Comment Written 10-Jan-2025
Comment from Brenda Strauser
Hi, welcome to Fanstory. Nice scary story. It is written well and very descriptive. It grabbed my interest. Good luck in the contest.
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Hi, welcome to Fanstory. Nice scary story. It is written well and very descriptive. It grabbed my interest. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2025
Comment from LJbutterfly
This is a phenomenal beginning of a story that begs to be continued. It is the perfect well-written flash fiction that the contest calls for. Mystery and suspense adds to the enjoyment and entertainment of the piece.
Hopefully you will use a larger font for future posts. It makes it easier for older eyes to read. I wish you the best in the contest.
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This is a phenomenal beginning of a story that begs to be continued. It is the perfect well-written flash fiction that the contest calls for. Mystery and suspense adds to the enjoyment and entertainment of the piece.
Hopefully you will use a larger font for future posts. It makes it easier for older eyes to read. I wish you the best in the contest.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2025
Comment from Marilyn Hamilton
An excellent entry for the Newbie Flash Fiction contest. Scary setting and good build up to a shocking ending. Nicely done in a short word count. Good luck in the contest.
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An excellent entry for the Newbie Flash Fiction contest. Scary setting and good build up to a shocking ending. Nicely done in a short word count. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2025
Comment from Tina Crute
Aaah! I'm scared. You sure know how to pack a punch in a few words. Your descriptive details put me in the house, scared, curious and anxious.
Well done!
Tina
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Aaah! I'm scared. You sure know how to pack a punch in a few words. Your descriptive details put me in the house, scared, curious and anxious.
Well done!
Tina
Comment Written 09-Jan-2025
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
Your story instantly draws me in with the eerie atmosphere you've created. The image of the "old house groaning with the weight of decades" is so perfect. It really sets the tone for what's to come. I especially like how you build suspense with the whispers and the book with just the word "Leave." The moment when Sam's lantern flickers out feels like the perfect ending! The tension is so well done - keep writing like this - you have a great talent for building suspense!
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Your story instantly draws me in with the eerie atmosphere you've created. The image of the "old house groaning with the weight of decades" is so perfect. It really sets the tone for what's to come. I especially like how you build suspense with the whispers and the book with just the word "Leave." The moment when Sam's lantern flickers out feels like the perfect ending! The tension is so well done - keep writing like this - you have a great talent for building suspense!
Comment Written 09-Jan-2025
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
Hi Elias,
Welcome to FanStory, my friend! You have an excellent first post you should be very proud of. Your setting is perfectly set, and description of the situation spot on. I love the eeriness of it, well presented.
Best of luck in the contest,
Rhonda
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Hi Elias,
Welcome to FanStory, my friend! You have an excellent first post you should be very proud of. Your setting is perfectly set, and description of the situation spot on. I love the eeriness of it, well presented.
Best of luck in the contest,
Rhonda
Comment Written 09-Jan-2025
