A Danger to Himself
When catastrophe strikes26 total reviews
Comment from dragonpoet
Hi Rachelle
This is a well told story with a twist. In the beginning it sounds like a person committing suicide. But it ends with a dog overindulging in dog treats. I when you use take instead of eat. It sounds like pills. When you say lifeless in the first paragraph, it sounds like the victim is dead already.
Glad that wasn't true for both of you.
Congrats on placing second in the contest.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Enjoy your day.
Joan
P S If I haven't told you yet, I have published my first book titled, "The Interloper and other stories in prose and poetry". It is available on Amazon.com and there is a link to it at the bottom of my profile bio. I wouldn't have been able to do this without the help and encouragement of my fellow FanStorians.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2025
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Hi Rachelle
This is a well told story with a twist. In the beginning it sounds like a person committing suicide. But it ends with a dog overindulging in dog treats. I when you use take instead of eat. It sounds like pills. When you say lifeless in the first paragraph, it sounds like the victim is dead already.
Glad that wasn't true for both of you.
Congrats on placing second in the contest.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Enjoy your day.
Joan
P S If I haven't told you yet, I have published my first book titled, "The Interloper and other stories in prose and poetry". It is available on Amazon.com and there is a link to it at the bottom of my profile bio. I wouldn't have been able to do this without the help and encouragement of my fellow FanStorians.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2025
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2025
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Thank you, Joan, for this very thorough review!
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You are most kindly welcome, Rachelle.
Joan
Comment from Mrs. KT
Good morning, Rachelle!
Not certain how I missed this gem, but I did! Must have been in my New Year's recovery mode when you posted it.
The beauty of this winning piece of flash fiction is, of course, the fact that the reader suspects it is going one way, and in fact, your protagonist is a dog and not a human.
(Had a Sheltie - years ago - made his way through three solid chocolate golf carts and accompanying balls (totaling 9) and lived to wag his tail!)
Much enjoyed!
fondly,
diane
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2025
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Good morning, Rachelle!
Not certain how I missed this gem, but I did! Must have been in my New Year's recovery mode when you posted it.
The beauty of this winning piece of flash fiction is, of course, the fact that the reader suspects it is going one way, and in fact, your protagonist is a dog and not a human.
(Had a Sheltie - years ago - made his way through three solid chocolate golf carts and accompanying balls (totaling 9) and lived to wag his tail!)
Much enjoyed!
fondly,
diane
Comment Written 06-Feb-2025
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2025
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Whoa!!! Now, that is a seriously impressive dog!!!! I had a piano family who came home to an empty pan of brownies, compliments of their dog - and, like yours, he lived to be bragged about. Thank you for the encouraging review! Xo
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"Buddy" definitely possessed the Truelove affinity/constitution for all things chocolate! :)
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Hahaha
Comment from Harambe Unchained
Nicely executed with a great punchline. The font is freakin huge! My dead grandma could read it. Well, better too large than too small. The image would look better if it was on a transparent background. I was using remove.bg for this for a while but lately it has somehow become less reliable. Maybe it will work for you. 🦍
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2025
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Nicely executed with a great punchline. The font is freakin huge! My dead grandma could read it. Well, better too large than too small. The image would look better if it was on a transparent background. I was using remove.bg for this for a while but lately it has somehow become less reliable. Maybe it will work for you. 🦍
Comment Written 22-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2025
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I had eye surgery recently because my vision was compromised by ridges and calluses on the surface of my eyes. I'll be sure and check with you before I post my next piece to see if it's within the parameters of font you find acceptable. You amenable to that, Buddy?...
Comment from AP Apgar
What an excellent poem and suspenseful picture presentation supporting -your poem is well written telling us in short order, a story about a victim who possibly over dosed on pill from a bottle on the table- possibly you husband - you, unable to revive him, hunched over- frantically trying to determine how many pills he may have taken - then, out of kindness for the reader, you began the reveal - and in the last two lines - we realized it was indeed a "stupid dog" - to our relief - now, finally understanding why you didn't immediately call 911 - you duped us again Rachelle- Should have known- Bad Dog no bone! Nicely done - Alan XO
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2025
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What an excellent poem and suspenseful picture presentation supporting -your poem is well written telling us in short order, a story about a victim who possibly over dosed on pill from a bottle on the table- possibly you husband - you, unable to revive him, hunched over- frantically trying to determine how many pills he may have taken - then, out of kindness for the reader, you began the reveal - and in the last two lines - we realized it was indeed a "stupid dog" - to our relief - now, finally understanding why you didn't immediately call 911 - you duped us again Rachelle- Should have known- Bad Dog no bone! Nicely done - Alan XO
Comment Written 11-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2025
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Spank me, Alan...
And thank you for the validating review! Xo
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HaHa Good poem, I love your humor!
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Ditto.
Comment from T B Botts
Hi Rachelle,
dogs are similar to people at times. They have a tendency to be glutinous. Our dog, Rigby, was a little bit more selective. He didn't care for dog bones so much, but anything we ate, he wanted. We had to give him milk on his cereal in the morning or he wouldn't eat it. He was just a little bit spoiled.
Have a blessed evening gal.
Tom
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2025
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Hi Rachelle,
dogs are similar to people at times. They have a tendency to be glutinous. Our dog, Rigby, was a little bit more selective. He didn't care for dog bones so much, but anything we ate, he wanted. We had to give him milk on his cereal in the morning or he wouldn't eat it. He was just a little bit spoiled.
Have a blessed evening gal.
Tom
Comment Written 09-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2025
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Haha. In Rigby's mind, he WAS a human, so why ever in the world would he want dog bones?
I love the sound of dogs eating or drinking. They just so ENTHUSIASTIC!!
Are you feeling any better yet, Tom? I've been sending you Healing vibes all week. Xoxo
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Hello Rachelle,
thanks so much for the well wishes. I'm feeling better, still a little more tire than I want to be, but I'm not dealing with the coughing so much now. There are so many things I want to do, I just don't have the energy right now to do them. I appreciate your kindness gal.
Have a blessed day.
Tom
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It's maybe one of those afflictions that you'll do yourself the biggest favor if you don't get into your regular routine too soon. Easy to advise; no so easy to actually do. Glad you're on the mend, though xo
Comment from Neonewman
You clever girl, you. Marcus. Great name to throw one off the trail with, Rachelle. I was blown away at the end. I simply said. "Oh, my God!" Six stars for the story and a more prominent six stars for surprising me with the ending. As you know, I've been out for a minute. This is a copy and paste below.
I've been out for a bit; kidney stones ROCKing my world, lol. See what I did there? I had to have a procedure done that kept me away for a little bit. I hope to get back into the swing of it soon.
God bless,
Steve
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2025
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You clever girl, you. Marcus. Great name to throw one off the trail with, Rachelle. I was blown away at the end. I simply said. "Oh, my God!" Six stars for the story and a more prominent six stars for surprising me with the ending. As you know, I've been out for a minute. This is a copy and paste below.
I've been out for a bit; kidney stones ROCKing my world, lol. See what I did there? I had to have a procedure done that kept me away for a little bit. I hope to get back into the swing of it soon.
God bless,
Steve
Comment Written 08-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2025
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I love this review - of COURSE! Thank you for always being so encouraging to me.
I hope you're feeling all better soon. It's been too quiet and not nearly as exciting on here without Dodie Rae and her Mama!!
Thank you for the extra sparkler ***, as well!! xoxox
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Awe! Thank you, Rachelle. I sent you the next chapter. You'll need to read the last chapter I put up first I imagine, lol.
God bless,
Steve
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Alright. I'll get to it when I return home from lessons tonight. I'm out the door right now. xoxo
Comment from Debbie Pope
From your first word, you had me going with this one. Who names a dog Marcus? Great choice. How many people ask their dogs questions like they expect an answer? You had me thinking with your "lifeless extremities." I was thinking "only his extremities are lifeless?" That threw me off. And then of course "the orders" reference was a boner as well. All in all, good Flash Fiction. Great surprise ending.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2025
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From your first word, you had me going with this one. Who names a dog Marcus? Great choice. How many people ask their dogs questions like they expect an answer? You had me thinking with your "lifeless extremities." I was thinking "only his extremities are lifeless?" That threw me off. And then of course "the orders" reference was a boner as well. All in all, good Flash Fiction. Great surprise ending.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2025
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Now, Debbie, really: "the orders reference was a BONER" - I see what you did there. Hahahaha!!
As far as the name, people here in my area actually give their dogs people names!! My husband and I don't do that. Our cutie, we named "Li'l Swish." But I'm telling you, I never stop shaking my head at the dog park we visit daily when I hear other owners calling out, "Carol!! Come on, Carol; time to go home!" and "Goooood BOY, Mike!! Whooza goo'BOY!!! MIKE's a good boyyyyy!" There's also a Jim, a TODD, a Sammie, a CINDY! It just slays me. So, in this region anyway, Marcus would not have seemed odd in the dog community!
Thank you for the kind and enthusiastic review. xoxo
Comment from Jim Wile
Oh, Rachelle. I enjoyed this flash story with your surprise ending. The addict couldn't help himself and nearly OD'd on his... Milk Bones! Dogs seem to have no shame when it comes to stealing food. Some cats will also eat themselves into obesity if you let them. (Come to think of it, people too. That's why I'm on a mission to lose 20 pounds after the holidays!)
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2025
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Oh, Rachelle. I enjoyed this flash story with your surprise ending. The addict couldn't help himself and nearly OD'd on his... Milk Bones! Dogs seem to have no shame when it comes to stealing food. Some cats will also eat themselves into obesity if you let them. (Come to think of it, people too. That's why I'm on a mission to lose 20 pounds after the holidays!)
Comment Written 07-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2025
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Ah, yes! The new year and the challenges of bringing eating back to the 'Normalcy' range after the holidays. I've got a few to dispense with, as well. I'm starting in a dance class tomorrow at a new studio in my town for "adults only." So that should be interesting.
Anyway, thank you for this very nice review. I appreciate it. xoxox
PS Your snail mail arrived this morning and brought me such enormous joy. You are the sweetest of the sweet. I'm going to send you one back. xoxo
Comment from Lori Mulligan
This was so clever and you totally got me at the ending! I was thinking you were being so sinister and definitely thought we were talking about a human. Master of suspense, I see! What fun to read!
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2025
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This was so clever and you totally got me at the ending! I was thinking you were being so sinister and definitely thought we were talking about a human. Master of suspense, I see! What fun to read!
Comment Written 07-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2025
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That is the land of flash fiction, I'm afraid. Enter at your own risk!
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lol! Fun read!
Comment from Carol Clark2
Yes, you had me going with this one. I was wondering who was taking pills and why. And then I laughed out loud at your surprise ending. I'm so relieved! Thanks for the laugh! Carol
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2025
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Yes, you had me going with this one. I was wondering who was taking pills and why. And then I laughed out loud at your surprise ending. I'm so relieved! Thanks for the laugh! Carol
Comment Written 06-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2025
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Blame it on Gypsy. She's the one who assigned a flash fiction this week in the Japanese Poetry Contest!! Thanks for the fun review. xoxo
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Did you see Debi Marquette's recent post about Gypsy's sister passing?
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Oh, Debi and six of her minions have me muted, so I'm not able to. But I did read Gypsy's poem about it. Heart-wrenching.
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I'm so sorry you've been muted. I don't even know how to do that!
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To be honest, I feel relieved about it. No interaction with these people is anything but "punishment."
