Single Again
a CinQuain poetic form19 total reviews
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Melissa,
Nice cinquain! You should have saved it for a contest.
Well, the first thing that crossed my mind was "thudding". I wonder if it's the best word for "footsteps" sinking into "damp leaves"? Would this be any better?
(sloshing footsteps
sink into soggy leaves)
There's a mystery here...
"as he passes my door ~ is there
remorse?"
First of all, it seems the woman is listening for someone who "might" be stopping by with an apology.
"remorse" ... what did he say or do wrong? And is it all his fault? She seems to think so. She wants him to express regret. But she isn't mad enough that she won't listen to his plea for forgiveness. The footsteps are obviously his... she is waiting for him to knock or ring the doorbell. But will he? Does he think he's done anything wrong?
Nicely penned! I enjoyed it.
Hugs,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2025
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Hi Melissa,
Nice cinquain! You should have saved it for a contest.
Well, the first thing that crossed my mind was "thudding". I wonder if it's the best word for "footsteps" sinking into "damp leaves"? Would this be any better?
(sloshing footsteps
sink into soggy leaves)
There's a mystery here...
"as he passes my door ~ is there
remorse?"
First of all, it seems the woman is listening for someone who "might" be stopping by with an apology.
"remorse" ... what did he say or do wrong? And is it all his fault? She seems to think so. She wants him to express regret. But she isn't mad enough that she won't listen to his plea for forgiveness. The footsteps are obviously his... she is waiting for him to knock or ring the doorbell. But will he? Does he think he's done anything wrong?
Nicely penned! I enjoyed it.
Hugs,
Kimbob
Comment Written 02-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2025
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I'm glad you picked up on the mystery, KB... that was my intent. I read somewhere the the US poet laureate, Billy Collins said using mystery in a poem is a great poetic tool. I just think this poem was too short to use it very well. So glad you liked it. Thanks for the suggestions.
Melissa
Comment from poetwatch
If a word spoken incorrectly hurts a heart, Melissa, there will be remorse. :) Why? because one cannot take back what have left one's lips. That's Cinquain you wrote reminded of me and when sometimes I speak. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2025
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If a word spoken incorrectly hurts a heart, Melissa, there will be remorse. :) Why? because one cannot take back what have left one's lips. That's Cinquain you wrote reminded of me and when sometimes I speak. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 30-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2025
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Thanks so much, Jose!! I appreciate your thoughts and review on this CinQuain. Hugs!
Melissa
Comment from artisart4u
One day he might return. Being alone does not work for everybody.
You have the right amount of syllables for each line.
Congratulations on being Recognized and good luck with your poem.
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2024
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One day he might return. Being alone does not work for everybody.
You have the right amount of syllables for each line.
Congratulations on being Recognized and good luck with your poem.
Comment Written 29-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2024
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Hello and thank you for your wonderful review and comments. I so appreciate your thoughts on this verse.
Melissa
Comment from Cecilia A Heiskary
Sugarray,
This is a fine cinquain poem. You should have entered it in the contest. The words are full of emotion and speak loudly of the agony of being alone again.
Well done
Cecilia
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2024
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Sugarray,
This is a fine cinquain poem. You should have entered it in the contest. The words are full of emotion and speak loudly of the agony of being alone again.
Well done
Cecilia
Comment Written 29-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2024
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Hello Cecilia. Thank you so much for your wonderful review.
Melissa
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You're welcome
Comment from Jesse James Doty
This one addresses whether there is remorse after a break although I am not sure that is the intent but it ends with the question is there remorse? I like the descriptions of the thudded footsteps in the dampened leaves, it sounds so dreary as if the person is sitting by the door listening to them. Well done, my friend!
You have captured the essence of the sadness of someone leaving us behind.
Jesse
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2024
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This one addresses whether there is remorse after a break although I am not sure that is the intent but it ends with the question is there remorse? I like the descriptions of the thudded footsteps in the dampened leaves, it sounds so dreary as if the person is sitting by the door listening to them. Well done, my friend!
You have captured the essence of the sadness of someone leaving us behind.
Jesse
Comment Written 29-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2024
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Hi Jesse. Thank you for your perceptive review. I was trying to use mystery as a poetic tool, but perhaps this CinQuain form is too short for that device. So appreciate your comments.
Melissa
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I think you are right. Using mystery as a poetic tool needs a longer and fuller length to develop the idea.
Jesse
Comment from Sally Law
Dear Melissa,
This said so much in Cinquain poetry form. My, my, how your talent shines in this short verse poem! This evoked the feelings of loss and wondering if he felt any remorse. Marvelous offering for my reviewing pleasure. :)) I must try this form again.
Sending you my best today as always, and blessings for the new year.
Sal XOs
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2024
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Dear Melissa,
This said so much in Cinquain poetry form. My, my, how your talent shines in this short verse poem! This evoked the feelings of loss and wondering if he felt any remorse. Marvelous offering for my reviewing pleasure. :)) I must try this form again.
Sending you my best today as always, and blessings for the new year.
Sal XOs
Comment Written 29-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2024
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Thanks Sally. I hope you do use the CinQuain form again. It is challenging to write with depth in such a short form. Hugs, my friend.
Melissa
Comment from Tom Horonzy
Well done. I get your drift, but I offer a suggestion as to line three, as it does not reflect the pictured presented. That said, I leave it to you if... " echoes off cobblestones"fits a trifle better.?? T H
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2024
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Well done. I get your drift, but I offer a suggestion as to line three, as it does not reflect the pictured presented. That said, I leave it to you if... " echoes off cobblestones"fits a trifle better.?? T H
Comment Written 29-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2024
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Hi Tom. Thank you . I will give it another look about cobblestones. I appreciate your suggestion!!
Melissa
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Exceptional Cinquain full of emotions and rich in imagery. The beautiful presentation complements the poem nicely.
Well done!
Gypsy
"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." - George Santayana
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2024
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Exceptional Cinquain full of emotions and rich in imagery. The beautiful presentation complements the poem nicely.
Well done!
Gypsy
"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." - George Santayana
Comment Written 29-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2024
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hi Gypsy. Thanks so much.
Melissa
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Nice artwork and presentation, Melissa.
-A well written cinquain with a good topic.
-You capture our attention with the first two lines.
-Then you reveal more of the plot as he
"passes your door."
-A very good question at the end.
-You should write a follow up to
let us know what happens.
-A very good poem. Have a very Happy New Year!
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2024
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-Nice artwork and presentation, Melissa.
-A well written cinquain with a good topic.
-You capture our attention with the first two lines.
-Then you reveal more of the plot as he
"passes your door."
-A very good question at the end.
-You should write a follow up to
let us know what happens.
-A very good poem. Have a very Happy New Year!
Comment Written 28-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2024
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Thank you very much Pam. I was studying different CinQuain verses today and thought I would write one. I have also read that Billy Collins (former US Poet Laureate) likes to use mystery as a poetic tool. This is my first attempt... especially in such a short verse. Hope to do better next time :)
Melissa
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You are very welcome, Melissa, and thanks for sharing in your reply. I think you did a fine job with this one.
Comment from Carol Clark2
What a great question! It's expressed in a beautiful cinquain, posing more questions in the reader's mind. I love the sensory imagery in this short poem. Nicely done! Blessings and wishes for a happy 2025. Carol
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2024
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What a great question! It's expressed in a beautiful cinquain, posing more questions in the reader's mind. I love the sensory imagery in this short poem. Nicely done! Blessings and wishes for a happy 2025. Carol
Comment Written 28-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2024
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Thank you very much Carol. I was studying different CinQuain verses today and thought I would write one. I have also read that Billy Collins (former US Poet Laureate) likes to use mystery as a poetic tool. This is my first attempt... especially in such a short verse. Hope to do better next time :)
Melissa
