The Box That Talked
Dolly's Discovery3 total reviews
Comment from SimianSavant
This is outstanding, well edited writing -- right up until the ending. The moral at the ending added in the last two short paragraph significantly dilutes the impact. You don't need those three sentences. The readers can intuit it for themselves.
Also, it seems like there's a major hanging thread: it was the watch of the WIFE of the man who was killed, but she wasn't killed? Wouldn't that make her the prime suspect? Was this a deliberate thread? I was expecting a different outcome, or at least an explanation for why it was HER watch and not his.
Congrats on the win -- despite these recommendations, your story has a great premise and hook. Thanks for the read,
🦍
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This is outstanding, well edited writing -- right up until the ending. The moral at the ending added in the last two short paragraph significantly dilutes the impact. You don't need those three sentences. The readers can intuit it for themselves.
Also, it seems like there's a major hanging thread: it was the watch of the WIFE of the man who was killed, but she wasn't killed? Wouldn't that make her the prime suspect? Was this a deliberate thread? I was expecting a different outcome, or at least an explanation for why it was HER watch and not his.
Congrats on the win -- despite these recommendations, your story has a great premise and hook. Thanks for the read,
🦍
Comment Written 22-Dec-2024
Comment from Beejay
I loved this. I was with Dolly sorting through the donations, I could smell that mildew smell that often greets you when you walk into a thrift store. Very descriptive, and a great title, The Box that Talked!
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I loved this. I was with Dolly sorting through the donations, I could smell that mildew smell that often greets you when you walk into a thrift store. Very descriptive, and a great title, The Box that Talked!
Comment Written 15-Dec-2024
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
I enjoyed this inventive story and I suppose we could call justice a treasure in a way as doing the right thing means those who are responsible for wrong doing get their comeuppance, I enjoyed your fine story, love Dolly x x x
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I enjoyed this inventive story and I suppose we could call justice a treasure in a way as doing the right thing means those who are responsible for wrong doing get their comeuppance, I enjoyed your fine story, love Dolly x x x
Comment Written 14-Dec-2024