Bereavements and Shark diving
Life and it's unforgiving nature.2 total reviews
Comment from Avery Daniel
Apart from the occasional grammar mistake, I found this story far too brief. It was jumpy, going from being at sea to almost instantly being back at the hotel. I would suggest using a liaison paragraph or two. The story itself was fairly good, but it just built far too fast. And I don't know what your aim was, but I think you should work on your pacing more. I've had similar issues with pacing, but you don't want to immediately jump to the point. If this story is based off reality, I'm sorry you lost your father, and I'm also sorry you had to hear about it when you were on vacation.
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Apart from the occasional grammar mistake, I found this story far too brief. It was jumpy, going from being at sea to almost instantly being back at the hotel. I would suggest using a liaison paragraph or two. The story itself was fairly good, but it just built far too fast. And I don't know what your aim was, but I think you should work on your pacing more. I've had similar issues with pacing, but you don't want to immediately jump to the point. If this story is based off reality, I'm sorry you lost your father, and I'm also sorry you had to hear about it when you were on vacation.
Comment Written 12-Dec-2024
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
We never know when we are going to have bad news and life can be cruel at times and I am so sorry for your loss. As for the sea sickness pills, I once went out on a small fishing boat and spent the entire trip inside the toilet being sick! Never again, those sea sickness pills are awful but they are the lesser of the two evils! I was entertained here and thank you for sharing your true story with us, love Dolly x x x
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We never know when we are going to have bad news and life can be cruel at times and I am so sorry for your loss. As for the sea sickness pills, I once went out on a small fishing boat and spent the entire trip inside the toilet being sick! Never again, those sea sickness pills are awful but they are the lesser of the two evils! I was entertained here and thank you for sharing your true story with us, love Dolly x x x
Comment Written 12-Dec-2024