These Eyes
A somewhat quirky look at the effects of aging and sin4 total reviews
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
I really enjoyed how your poem plays with sound. It's almost like I can feel the weight of those "cobwebby earlobes" myself! The way you describe hearing from the "morning song of the first bird" to the "roar like prideful lions" is so well done! Great job!
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2024
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I really enjoyed how your poem plays with sound. It's almost like I can feel the weight of those "cobwebby earlobes" myself! The way you describe hearing from the "morning song of the first bird" to the "roar like prideful lions" is so well done! Great job!
Comment Written 09-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2024
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Your kind comments are truly appreciated.
Comment from lyenochka
This is a powerful poem especially the vibrant description of sounds and the extremely sensitive perception of them! I hand to think about the final lines and why sight would belong to the "Progenitor of Lies" but then I thought of how Satan tempted Eve with sight and the "lust of the eyes."
Fabulous writing and I hope this does well in the contest.
One tiny suggestion I would make is to go for a lighter background color as the black font didn't really stand out against the dark green color.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2024
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This is a powerful poem especially the vibrant description of sounds and the extremely sensitive perception of them! I hand to think about the final lines and why sight would belong to the "Progenitor of Lies" but then I thought of how Satan tempted Eve with sight and the "lust of the eyes."
Fabulous writing and I hope this does well in the contest.
One tiny suggestion I would make is to go for a lighter background color as the black font didn't really stand out against the dark green color.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2024
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Yes! Perhaps you are one of the few to get that reference. It could be a difficult allusion if you are not familiar with the Biblical account of the creation story. That was in the back of my mind. Also, thanks for the colour suggestion. I was trying for some contrast, but I will have to look at the print against that shade again.
Comment from SimianSavant
I really like this. Are you a musician? in Barbados? What an intriguing piece, anonymous author. Worthy of an extra star for being such a unique piece. I can relate to the ears being far more powerful instruments than the eyes, and enjoyed your humor at the end.
I'm a little confused about is the "and sin" bit of your title. I thought the joke about the progenitor of lies was simply that your eyesight is so bad that it plays tricks on you, as your image also hinted.
🦍
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2024
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I really like this. Are you a musician? in Barbados? What an intriguing piece, anonymous author. Worthy of an extra star for being such a unique piece. I can relate to the ears being far more powerful instruments than the eyes, and enjoyed your humor at the end.
I'm a little confused about is the "and sin" bit of your title. I thought the joke about the progenitor of lies was simply that your eyesight is so bad that it plays tricks on you, as your image also hinted.
🦍
Comment Written 08-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2024
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Many thanks. I am musical. Every deterioration in the human condition; every pockmark on the world is ultimately related to sin.
Comment from Peter Jarvis
This poem is intriguing and thought-provoking. You've captured a vivid contrast between the acute sensitivity of hearing and the ambiguity of sight. The imagery you use, from "cobwebby earlobes" to "prideful lions," brings a powerful and almost surreal quality to the piece. The distinction between having "God's ears" and the eyes of the "Progenitor of Lies" creates a striking and contemplative ending.
Great free form poetry
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2024
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This poem is intriguing and thought-provoking. You've captured a vivid contrast between the acute sensitivity of hearing and the ambiguity of sight. The imagery you use, from "cobwebby earlobes" to "prideful lions," brings a powerful and almost surreal quality to the piece. The distinction between having "God's ears" and the eyes of the "Progenitor of Lies" creates a striking and contemplative ending.
Great free form poetry
Comment Written 08-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2024
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Your comments are appreciated.
