A Sweet Plot
A woman reporter trapped by her curiosity.2 total reviews
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
I can see what you were going for here, but I think it misses the mark somewhat. There's a gaping hole in the plot itself and not everything adds up in terms of scene mechanics.
A voice sounded from deep from with screaming at her to leave, - there's a repetition of from here that I don't think is intentional. It's awkward.
A curtain of licorice hid a door from view. Her heart pounded like a speeding metronome as she pushed it open.- how could she have found it if it was hidden?
as she crept down the hallway. Her footsteps cut into the silence. As she made her way down the hallway- repetition of the same act too close together.
The plot makes no sense, as for this to actually take proper root they wouldn't use an 'exclusive' club it would be way to slow and impractical.
Willing every ounce of strength, she kicked her abuser in the groin and broke free from her captor's grasp - given the mechanics of the scene that he was behind her, tight to her and had her in a vice-like grip, it's almost impossible to be kicked in the groin from this position (I teach self-defence and use of restraints). Even if she managed a backwards/upward kick it would hit him in the ass.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2024
   |
Hi there,
I can see what you were going for here, but I think it misses the mark somewhat. There's a gaping hole in the plot itself and not everything adds up in terms of scene mechanics.
A voice sounded from deep from with screaming at her to leave, - there's a repetition of from here that I don't think is intentional. It's awkward.
A curtain of licorice hid a door from view. Her heart pounded like a speeding metronome as she pushed it open.- how could she have found it if it was hidden?
as she crept down the hallway. Her footsteps cut into the silence. As she made her way down the hallway- repetition of the same act too close together.
The plot makes no sense, as for this to actually take proper root they wouldn't use an 'exclusive' club it would be way to slow and impractical.
Willing every ounce of strength, she kicked her abuser in the groin and broke free from her captor's grasp - given the mechanics of the scene that he was behind her, tight to her and had her in a vice-like grip, it's almost impossible to be kicked in the groin from this position (I teach self-defence and use of restraints). Even if she managed a backwards/upward kick it would hit him in the ass.
Comment Written 16-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2024
-
Thank you for your close read and review. I will look over and edit. Appreciate your input.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
I visited Russia during the 1970s to see communism for myself. What I saw was shocking. The apathy among the people was rife and there was no hope of change, no optimism or upward mobility, you lived and died in poverty.
Nothing much has changed in Russia, and I have a relative who married a Russian girl and she now lives in the UK. Her parents think Putin is amazing and doing a good job, they are all brainwashed.
During the 1950s there was a big campaign in America to stamp out communism and the thought of it taking hold in American society is filled with horror. Your post is poignant and although it is fiction, it sends an important message to the people. Socialism kills democracy. Love Dolly x x x
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2024
|
I visited Russia during the 1970s to see communism for myself. What I saw was shocking. The apathy among the people was rife and there was no hope of change, no optimism or upward mobility, you lived and died in poverty.
Nothing much has changed in Russia, and I have a relative who married a Russian girl and she now lives in the UK. Her parents think Putin is amazing and doing a good job, they are all brainwashed.
During the 1950s there was a big campaign in America to stamp out communism and the thought of it taking hold in American society is filled with horror. Your post is poignant and although it is fiction, it sends an important message to the people. Socialism kills democracy. Love Dolly x x x
Comment Written 16-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2024
-
thank you for your input.xxx