Return to Candyland
A clown and a carnival6 total reviews
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
What a creepy story! Just as we thought everything was well and it was all a dream, the sinister character reappears! Often associated with evil, the clown is cleverly introduced here to turn this Candyland theme into a horror experience and I like the way you've used the element of surprise when he appears out of nowhere. The write is faultless and the structure and pace of the story make it very readable and a strong contest entry. Well done and good luck! Debbie
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2024
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What a creepy story! Just as we thought everything was well and it was all a dream, the sinister character reappears! Often associated with evil, the clown is cleverly introduced here to turn this Candyland theme into a horror experience and I like the way you've used the element of surprise when he appears out of nowhere. The write is faultless and the structure and pace of the story make it very readable and a strong contest entry. Well done and good luck! Debbie
Comment Written 16-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2024
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Thanks so much. The story scared me to death.
Comment from Sallyo
This is nicely constructed and genuinely scary and creepy; psychological horror.
There's one thing that needs attention, though- a switch of tense in the paragraph beginning "I stare" which then continues. It might be deliberate, but it feels odd, because the beginning of the flashback is in past tense.
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2024
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This is nicely constructed and genuinely scary and creepy; psychological horror.
There's one thing that needs attention, though- a switch of tense in the paragraph beginning "I stare" which then continues. It might be deliberate, but it feels odd, because the beginning of the flashback is in past tense.
Comment Written 11-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2024
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Thank you for pointing out that error. I am terrible with tense, and visiting the past has made my problem even worse. I so appreciate you seeing the mistake and pointing it out. There are times I feel a high school course in grammar would be helpful to me. Thanks again for taking the time to read my story and helping me make it better.
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I was lucky enough to have an old-fashioned education where we were taught parsing and analysis. I left school at 16, and I think from observation that I was REALLY lucky in my teachers.
Comment from lancellot
This is a strange one. Except for the Candyland references, that feel added on, this reads very familiar. Hmm, I think the writing is solid and I wish you well in the contest.
notes:
["]I want to ride on that."
-add
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2024
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This is a strange one. Except for the Candyland references, that feel added on, this reads very familiar. Hmm, I think the writing is solid and I wish you well in the contest.
notes:
["]I want to ride on that."
-add
Comment Written 11-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2024
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Thank you. I love suggestions that help me improve my writing. I wanted the reader to feel like they were in Candyland, so I will work on that. It's so nice to get some feedback that challenges me.
Comment from cupa tea
That's a good twist on the game. I like the clown. I am assuming he will continue to follow her and torment her until she finds a way to get rid of him.
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2024
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That's a good twist on the game. I like the clown. I am assuming he will continue to follow her and torment her until she finds a way to get rid of him.
Comment Written 11-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2024
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Sadly, I think the clown killed her, perhaps I need to make that clearer. It's a spooky story that continues to haunt me. I normally hate horror. But the setting of Candyland just inspired me. Thanks for taking the time to review.
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I thought the clown would just torment her...so I personally didn't take it as he planned to kill her..
Comment from Regina Elliott
Very imaginative and quite
creepy. My very best wishes
for the Candyland contest with this strong entry. Have a
good Sunday evening and a
creative start to your week.
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2024
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Very imaginative and quite
creepy. My very best wishes
for the Candyland contest with this strong entry. Have a
good Sunday evening and a
creative start to your week.
Comment Written 10-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2024
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I hate clowns and this story has kept me up at night.
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
Wow, this story pulls you in from the start and never lets go. The descriptions of the carnival and the growing sense of unease are so well done! I can practically feel the tension and the uneasiness crawling under my skin I love how you've tied in the memories with their present day fears. Truly a spine tingling read!
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2024
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Wow, this story pulls you in from the start and never lets go. The descriptions of the carnival and the growing sense of unease are so well done! I can practically feel the tension and the uneasiness crawling under my skin I love how you've tied in the memories with their present day fears. Truly a spine tingling read!
Comment Written 10-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2024
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Creepy clowns...my sister and I have always hated them.