For Good, We Went Bad
Let me know if it's too long3 total reviews
Comment from Gunner Lil
A picture of something would have helped this dull tale.
What were the pieces that you had to pick up?
10 dollars should read Ten dollars.
Who is Pedro and what was his purpose in this writing?
Where did this take place? Who was in charge? Was there some type of committee?
Good luck.
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A picture of something would have helped this dull tale.
What were the pieces that you had to pick up?
10 dollars should read Ten dollars.
Who is Pedro and what was his purpose in this writing?
Where did this take place? Who was in charge? Was there some type of committee?
Good luck.
Comment Written 12-Nov-2024
Comment from lancellot
You tell an interesting story, but it is mostly telling. There also is work needed in paragraph structure, and editing. I suggest printing it out, then going through it before the contest ends.
notes:
{You're} time here has come to an end.
-Your time here has come to an end.
I started that club with the 10 dollars for snacks I had and my friend Pedro.
-This sentence needs a rewrite. It is confusing.-
-My best friend, Pedro and I started it, with the last ten bucks we saved for snacks.
A week I think?! It was awesome!
-too many exclamation points, too close together.
They should have been on their hands and knees in praise of me instead of throwing me out!
-They should've been on their hands and knees praising me instead of throwing me out!
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You tell an interesting story, but it is mostly telling. There also is work needed in paragraph structure, and editing. I suggest printing it out, then going through it before the contest ends.
notes:
{You're} time here has come to an end.
-Your time here has come to an end.
I started that club with the 10 dollars for snacks I had and my friend Pedro.
-This sentence needs a rewrite. It is confusing.-
-My best friend, Pedro and I started it, with the last ten bucks we saved for snacks.
A week I think?! It was awesome!
-too many exclamation points, too close together.
They should have been on their hands and knees in praise of me instead of throwing me out!
-They should've been on their hands and knees praising me instead of throwing me out!
Comment Written 05-Nov-2024
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
Wow, what an intense journey you've taken us on! I loved how you captured the raw emotions so well. The shift from excitement chaos and regret is incredibly powerful. This was such an enjoyable read. Easily kept my interest. Great job! Keep up the fantastic work!
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Wow, what an intense journey you've taken us on! I loved how you captured the raw emotions so well. The shift from excitement chaos and regret is incredibly powerful. This was such an enjoyable read. Easily kept my interest. Great job! Keep up the fantastic work!
Comment Written 05-Nov-2024