One Moment in Time A Navy Story
My experience of my first day in the Navy7 total reviews
Comment from karenina
Is this biographical fiction, or non-fiction? It reads as your personal, true, experience and since the contest calls for a "true story" you may want to change it to non-fiction!
(*Update: Author changed this to non-fiction)
Your theme lured me in. Nice opening lines!
This could use another go through...
A few typos along the way:
"The sound continued to blare and I litterally..". (literally)
"She just looked at us like we were stupid and started laugghing with us."
(laughing)
(*Update: Author edited for spelling)
Also, some explanations for civilians:
What is an ASVAB?
("He had me take the ASVAB"-)
(*Update: Author integrated explanation of ASVAB into her story)
These are simple things to edit and even seasoned authors make them.
I enjoyed your recollections!
Karenina
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2024
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Is this biographical fiction, or non-fiction? It reads as your personal, true, experience and since the contest calls for a "true story" you may want to change it to non-fiction!
(*Update: Author changed this to non-fiction)
Your theme lured me in. Nice opening lines!
This could use another go through...
A few typos along the way:
"The sound continued to blare and I litterally..". (literally)
"She just looked at us like we were stupid and started laugghing with us."
(laughing)
(*Update: Author edited for spelling)
Also, some explanations for civilians:
What is an ASVAB?
("He had me take the ASVAB"-)
(*Update: Author integrated explanation of ASVAB into her story)
These are simple things to edit and even seasoned authors make them.
I enjoyed your recollections!
Karenina
Comment Written 22-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2024
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Hi Karenina,
Thank you for the kind review, I also want to thank you for pointing out the errors. I will correct them accordingly. The (ASVAB) is The Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery. That basically lets the recruiter know what job in the military you would do best in.
Cecilia
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Thanks for explaining that! Perhaps clarifying that in your author's notes would be hekpful?
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Hi Karenina,
I actually revised the story to explain them and how they are used.
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Awesome! I added the updates to my review!
Comment from Bill Schott
Basic training stories are the best, since the world we know shuts off its lights and the military floods all the senses. Finding friends and laughter in boot camp are rare and treasured.
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2024
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Basic training stories are the best, since the world we know shuts off its lights and the military floods all the senses. Finding friends and laughter in boot camp are rare and treasured.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2024
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Hi again,
Yes, boot camp memories are the best. I like how you described the separation from the civilian world into the military world. You are quite talented.
Comment from Douglas Goff
Ahhh....your story brings back sweet memories. You never make friends like you do in basic traing ever again.
I still talk to sever Marine Corps buddies!
Good stuff!
D
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2024
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Ahhh....your story brings back sweet memories. You never make friends like you do in basic traing ever again.
I still talk to sever Marine Corps buddies!
Good stuff!
D
Comment Written 20-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2024
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Hi D,
Yes, sweet memories of another time in life. I lost touch with those two lovely ladies, but have never forgotten how their friendship got me some of the hard times of boot camp. Thank you for your review.
Comment from DonandVicki
The first line: "One moment in time I'll always remember is joining the Navy." pulled me in, I too joined the Navy at 17 and loved all 24 years of it. The story reads like a true story insted of fiction.
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2024
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The first line: "One moment in time I'll always remember is joining the Navy." pulled me in, I too joined the Navy at 17 and loved all 24 years of it. The story reads like a true story insted of fiction.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2024
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Yes it is a true story. I am still learning how to navigate this forum. Thank you for the kind review. My Navy days as well as yours will always be part of who we are. We grew up in the Navy.
Comment from patcelaw
You have told your story very well and I'm glad you have this particular memory to share with us. It flows very well when it is read out loud. I wish you the very best with your writing and I wish you the very best with one day being able to publish a book. Patricia.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2024
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You have told your story very well and I'm glad you have this particular memory to share with us. It flows very well when it is read out loud. I wish you the very best with your writing and I wish you the very best with one day being able to publish a book. Patricia.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2024
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Hi Patricia,
Thank you for the kind review. I love to write, however, I don't know if I have the ability to write a book. I have one in process right now, but don't think it's good enough to let the public see it. Perhaps, I will write a memior of my Navy days.
Comment from Kahlani
Hi Cecilia, if you need an idea for your book you have one. Your time in the Navy was a fascinating read. You have the option of writing both fiction and non fiction because you have first hand knowledge.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2024
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Hi Cecilia, if you need an idea for your book you have one. Your time in the Navy was a fascinating read. You have the option of writing both fiction and non fiction because you have first hand knowledge.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2024
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Thank you for your review. Yes, I have many memories that I could include in a book. Most of my time in the Navy was good, but as in any job there were bad times too. The difference was the camaraderie of fellow shipmates. You don't find that in the civilian world and that's probably one of the biggest things I miss about the Navy.
Comment from pome lover
Cecilia,
I enjoyed reading about your initiation into the navy and meeting the two girls who became your friends.
If you do write a book and it's fiction, you could still include this piece but make up stuff, using your experience as the basis for the story and elaborate with different characters. Just a suggestion. Hope you don't mind. This sounds like a good memory. I bet you had all different kinds of memories during those years.
Anyway I enjoyed it.
Katharine
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2024
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Cecilia,
I enjoyed reading about your initiation into the navy and meeting the two girls who became your friends.
If you do write a book and it's fiction, you could still include this piece but make up stuff, using your experience as the basis for the story and elaborate with different characters. Just a suggestion. Hope you don't mind. This sounds like a good memory. I bet you had all different kinds of memories during those years.
Anyway I enjoyed it.
Katharine
Comment Written 19-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2024
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Katharine,
Thank you for the suggestions. I will take them under advisement. My time in the Navy was great. I'd do it all again, however, the country I fought for isn't the one we currently live in. Sad story.
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that is absolutely true and I am a nervous wreck thinking of the possibility of a government controlled country and a empty headed socialist President. She and Biden ruined this country and Trump, who did great things is losing some because of his personality. I think Vance might save the day.
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Yes, I have all sorts of memories and one day I may write a memoir. Someone on here suggested it and I never thought of it. Good times