Serpent's Bargain
Her desire is called a sin to shackle her power ...14 total reviews
Comment from Shanbreen
Patrick, you have well depicted what some may recall from the bygone days as the sinful desires of sex. It is always the men, malignant as they are, whose idea of morality "condemn her claim." But you redeem the act of "sin" through consenting couples for whom the serpent plays the enticing role. Beautifully written quatrains.
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Patrick, you have well depicted what some may recall from the bygone days as the sinful desires of sex. It is always the men, malignant as they are, whose idea of morality "condemn her claim." But you redeem the act of "sin" through consenting couples for whom the serpent plays the enticing role. Beautifully written quatrains.
Comment Written 15-Oct-2024
Comment from jake cosmos aller
a powerful and moving poem about desire and sin. great image of a woman, a real siren. I like how you describe a woman filled with erotic desires unfulfilled.
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a powerful and moving poem about desire and sin. great image of a woman, a real siren. I like how you describe a woman filled with erotic desires unfulfilled.
Comment Written 15-Oct-2024
Comment from Julie Helms
The Serpent's Bargain is a beautifully metered poem with alliteration that is always effective when slithering serpents are involved.
So you asked me to comment on my feelings behind the content, so I will! I have mixed feelings about it, or maybe I should say I think there is a mixed message here.
There is no question that in patriarchal societies there usually exists a double standard for men and women in terms of sexuality. Women are sluts and men are just playing the field. I totally agree with this aspect.
You use terms like holy, moral, and sacramental--all religious terms, and your reference in words and picture definitely plays on the debacle in Eden with Eve and the serpent, so we can narrow that religion down to Christian/Judeo tradition.
I would like to distinguish between Hebrew society (most definitely patriarchal) and what the Bible teaches. One may find it confining that sex outside of marriage is forbidden by God; not just for women, but men and women equally...there is no double standard in the teaching. In fact, Jesus calls out the Pharisees on their shit over this. They bring him a woman caught in adultery, and test him by asking him what's he gonna do about it (by law she should be stoned). But he wasn't an idiot or blind. He knows it takes two to commit adultery, and the Pharisees didn't bring him the man. So he forgave the woman and totally shamed the Pharisees for their hypocrisy.
God's rules are there for our protection, not because he is a buzzkill. If people only had sex within marriage there would be no STDs, many fewer unwanted pregnancies, and no relationship drama with the destructive force that is adultery. What percentage of abortions occur among married people? I don't know, but I'm guessing very few. The family unit is in place to take care of a surprise baby in a way that single people don't have.
But guess what...the answer isn't matriarchal societies. A cursory research through history shows what happens. Do the women then become empowered? Sure. They also become masculine-behaving and masculinized. They demand the men around them become castrated (literally), weak, and effeminate. It's a complete disaster of a culture.
So, I'll agree with you there is a double standard in our culture toward male and female behavior. But I'm likely to disagree as to the source of the problem or the solution.
Julie
:-)
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The Serpent's Bargain is a beautifully metered poem with alliteration that is always effective when slithering serpents are involved.
So you asked me to comment on my feelings behind the content, so I will! I have mixed feelings about it, or maybe I should say I think there is a mixed message here.
There is no question that in patriarchal societies there usually exists a double standard for men and women in terms of sexuality. Women are sluts and men are just playing the field. I totally agree with this aspect.
You use terms like holy, moral, and sacramental--all religious terms, and your reference in words and picture definitely plays on the debacle in Eden with Eve and the serpent, so we can narrow that religion down to Christian/Judeo tradition.
I would like to distinguish between Hebrew society (most definitely patriarchal) and what the Bible teaches. One may find it confining that sex outside of marriage is forbidden by God; not just for women, but men and women equally...there is no double standard in the teaching. In fact, Jesus calls out the Pharisees on their shit over this. They bring him a woman caught in adultery, and test him by asking him what's he gonna do about it (by law she should be stoned). But he wasn't an idiot or blind. He knows it takes two to commit adultery, and the Pharisees didn't bring him the man. So he forgave the woman and totally shamed the Pharisees for their hypocrisy.
God's rules are there for our protection, not because he is a buzzkill. If people only had sex within marriage there would be no STDs, many fewer unwanted pregnancies, and no relationship drama with the destructive force that is adultery. What percentage of abortions occur among married people? I don't know, but I'm guessing very few. The family unit is in place to take care of a surprise baby in a way that single people don't have.
But guess what...the answer isn't matriarchal societies. A cursory research through history shows what happens. Do the women then become empowered? Sure. They also become masculine-behaving and masculinized. They demand the men around them become castrated (literally), weak, and effeminate. It's a complete disaster of a culture.
So, I'll agree with you there is a double standard in our culture toward male and female behavior. But I'm likely to disagree as to the source of the problem or the solution.
Julie
:-)
Comment Written 15-Oct-2024
Comment from Begin Again
My goodness, my friend, you certainly have brought a heightened change to the cover of FanStory. LOL, I am terrified of snakes even in pictures (a devastating accident as a kid), so the picture didn't win any points, but your words most definitely did. It took me a read or two since you always make me kick cobwebs off the old brain in order to comprehend, but it's well done.
Smiles and hugs, Carol
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My goodness, my friend, you certainly have brought a heightened change to the cover of FanStory. LOL, I am terrified of snakes even in pictures (a devastating accident as a kid), so the picture didn't win any points, but your words most definitely did. It took me a read or two since you always make me kick cobwebs off the old brain in order to comprehend, but it's well done.
Smiles and hugs, Carol
Comment Written 15-Oct-2024
Comment from Ric Myworld
Well, as I've often said, when it comes to poetry, I wouldn't know a sonnet from sorbet. But this picture and poem combination almost makes me wish I was a frothing, slithering serpent. Thanks for sharing.
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Well, as I've often said, when it comes to poetry, I wouldn't know a sonnet from sorbet. But this picture and poem combination almost makes me wish I was a frothing, slithering serpent. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 15-Oct-2024
Comment from ESOSTINE
Your poem was beautifully penned. It is rich in imagery that I had to read over and over the get a feeling of the message as I am still an infant mind when it comes to poetry. Thanks for sharing your romantic thought. Well done, and good luck in the contest.
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Your poem was beautifully penned. It is rich in imagery that I had to read over and over the get a feeling of the message as I am still an infant mind when it comes to poetry. Thanks for sharing your romantic thought. Well done, and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 15-Oct-2024
Comment from royowen
There is an excellent display of alliteration and assonance in this fine work, the sheer rhythm in the rhyme has one wanting to sing along with the poem, my original entrance into poetry was being a songwriter and musician, so the art of rhythm doesn't escape, beautifully written, blessings Roy
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There is an excellent display of alliteration and assonance in this fine work, the sheer rhythm in the rhyme has one wanting to sing along with the poem, my original entrance into poetry was being a songwriter and musician, so the art of rhythm doesn't escape, beautifully written, blessings Roy
Comment Written 15-Oct-2024
Comment from Nicki.B
Patrick this is excellent what a fabulous poem. Your use of language is for me complex and I had to read through it a few times too understand it properly, I must admit. Stanza two is my favourite it captures brilliantly, the venom towards her ,'the scaly scalding and venom spits' and 'fork tongued fits' . Well done.
Best Wishes
Nicki
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Patrick this is excellent what a fabulous poem. Your use of language is for me complex and I had to read through it a few times too understand it properly, I must admit. Stanza two is my favourite it captures brilliantly, the venom towards her ,'the scaly scalding and venom spits' and 'fork tongued fits' . Well done.
Best Wishes
Nicki
Comment Written 15-Oct-2024
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this club entry with us. This, is again, a poem that challenges our thought processes. You tend to do that and you do it very well. I enjoyed reading.
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Thank you for sharing this club entry with us. This, is again, a poem that challenges our thought processes. You tend to do that and you do it very well. I enjoyed reading.
Comment Written 15-Oct-2024
Comment from karenina
I read this and sense the serpent reference slips into social commentary on the imbalance of what is judged moral for a woman, versus a man.
"Our bodies our choice" is often ascribed to health decisions, but oh the subtle and not so subtle cluck of collective tongues bleeds over into the judgement and guilt targeting women's sexual pleasure and choice--as spoon fed to the masses most often by "malignant moral men."
I saw a tee t-shirt at a local farmer's market.
"Embracing human rights in no way diminishes your own. It's not PIE!"
(I want one!)
Exceptional poem!
Karenina
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I read this and sense the serpent reference slips into social commentary on the imbalance of what is judged moral for a woman, versus a man.
"Our bodies our choice" is often ascribed to health decisions, but oh the subtle and not so subtle cluck of collective tongues bleeds over into the judgement and guilt targeting women's sexual pleasure and choice--as spoon fed to the masses most often by "malignant moral men."
I saw a tee t-shirt at a local farmer's market.
"Embracing human rights in no way diminishes your own. It's not PIE!"
(I want one!)
Exceptional poem!
Karenina
Comment Written 15-Oct-2024