Sweet Release on Pathways Wide
An introspective rhymed verse58 total reviews
Comment from Patrick Bernardy
Hello Diane!
As soon as I read this poem for the first time in the "Poem of the Month" contest, I wanted to review it, but I didn't have the time then. My reviews always take a little investment of time, and I didn't want to rush my thoughts. I'm so happy I have finally gotten around to giving you your laurels for this remarkably simple yet profound poem.
---The rhythm is a major strength of your quatrains. And your choice of (8) syllable lines was perfect. My preference is always tetrameter. The lines are short enough that the poem becomes more swift to read, and the lack of word density gives it an airiness.
---Your nature imagery is worthy of Robert Frost! I am so happy to read in your author's notes that these characters are real, and you can visit with them -- the fox and the blue jay.
---"To sort my thoughts on pathways wide" --I am a big fan of anastrophe (or word inversion) in poetry. It gives it a sort of archaic dignity. I have had some reviewers complain about it when I use it, but you'll never hear anything but praise for it from me. I also LOVE that you use this anastrophe as part of your title. It gives it a certain sparkle and class!
---"And in those hours of frosty morn/When fields lay bare of summer's corn,/And trees had shed their garbs of green,/I memorized each passing scene" --I will now speak of my favorite stanzas. I have pulled two, and this one is my favorite by far. Each of these lines are evocative, but the phrase "garbs of green" is masterful.
---"And as I paused in silent awe/Of what I heard, and touched, and saw/I felt a calm come over me/Not all at once, but by degree:" --This is my second favorite. Such a sing-songy stanza replete with storytelling and meaning. The end-rhymes really shine in this one.
---"I bowed my head in thankful prayer/That I should still be roused to care;" --This is the climax and denouement of your poem, the moment of realization for the narrator of how nature replenishes her completely. Beautiful!
I always hesitate to make suggestions on ANYONE'S poem, especially not a poet so skilled as you. I debated these two things a long time before I decided to include them. In the end, I asked myself if I would mind these suggestions, and I came to the conclusion that I would not. So, here goes. Please disregard them if they do not suit you.
---"On[e] recent dawn, I stepped outside" --This is not so much a suggestion as it is a question: is this supposed to be "one" or "on?" "One" seems to make more sense in the line, that's the only reason why I asked.
---"He sensed I was [not] cause for flight" --Here, I think "no" would be better than "not" rhythmically as it is unstressed, but you may disagree. I was just giving you a second perspective.
I use my bookcase as a place to store items I see but do not have time in that moment to review. When I finish the review, I delete them. HOWEVER, I also save some items in my bookcase, almost like a keepsake, and also as my own personal Hall of Fame shrine, if you will. So far, I have three items in there: "Black" by Jessica Wheeler, "Hotoke" by Katiemae1977, and "Sea Glass" by Karenina. I am proud to add this one as well to my personal collection of favorite poems. I hope to visit your work again soon!
Patrick
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2024
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Hello Diane!
As soon as I read this poem for the first time in the "Poem of the Month" contest, I wanted to review it, but I didn't have the time then. My reviews always take a little investment of time, and I didn't want to rush my thoughts. I'm so happy I have finally gotten around to giving you your laurels for this remarkably simple yet profound poem.
---The rhythm is a major strength of your quatrains. And your choice of (8) syllable lines was perfect. My preference is always tetrameter. The lines are short enough that the poem becomes more swift to read, and the lack of word density gives it an airiness.
---Your nature imagery is worthy of Robert Frost! I am so happy to read in your author's notes that these characters are real, and you can visit with them -- the fox and the blue jay.
---"To sort my thoughts on pathways wide" --I am a big fan of anastrophe (or word inversion) in poetry. It gives it a sort of archaic dignity. I have had some reviewers complain about it when I use it, but you'll never hear anything but praise for it from me. I also LOVE that you use this anastrophe as part of your title. It gives it a certain sparkle and class!
---"And in those hours of frosty morn/When fields lay bare of summer's corn,/And trees had shed their garbs of green,/I memorized each passing scene" --I will now speak of my favorite stanzas. I have pulled two, and this one is my favorite by far. Each of these lines are evocative, but the phrase "garbs of green" is masterful.
---"And as I paused in silent awe/Of what I heard, and touched, and saw/I felt a calm come over me/Not all at once, but by degree:" --This is my second favorite. Such a sing-songy stanza replete with storytelling and meaning. The end-rhymes really shine in this one.
---"I bowed my head in thankful prayer/That I should still be roused to care;" --This is the climax and denouement of your poem, the moment of realization for the narrator of how nature replenishes her completely. Beautiful!
I always hesitate to make suggestions on ANYONE'S poem, especially not a poet so skilled as you. I debated these two things a long time before I decided to include them. In the end, I asked myself if I would mind these suggestions, and I came to the conclusion that I would not. So, here goes. Please disregard them if they do not suit you.
---"On[e] recent dawn, I stepped outside" --This is not so much a suggestion as it is a question: is this supposed to be "one" or "on?" "One" seems to make more sense in the line, that's the only reason why I asked.
---"He sensed I was [not] cause for flight" --Here, I think "no" would be better than "not" rhythmically as it is unstressed, but you may disagree. I was just giving you a second perspective.
I use my bookcase as a place to store items I see but do not have time in that moment to review. When I finish the review, I delete them. HOWEVER, I also save some items in my bookcase, almost like a keepsake, and also as my own personal Hall of Fame shrine, if you will. So far, I have three items in there: "Black" by Jessica Wheeler, "Hotoke" by Katiemae1977, and "Sea Glass" by Karenina. I am proud to add this one as well to my personal collection of favorite poems. I hope to visit your work again soon!
Patrick
Comment Written 10-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2024
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Hello, Patrick!
I am honored by your exceptional rating and incredible thorough and thoughtful review.
I am so very pleased my poetic offering resonated with you.
Your favorite passages are mine as well.
I appreciate your suggestions, and I will address both of them.
1. Originally, I wrote, "One recent morn..." But I changed it to "On recent morn" because when I say "One" it is accented equally with the first syllable of "recent" which would disturb the meter.
2. The same for "no." If I employed "no" as opposed to "not" then I have two stressed syllables kissing one another... but only in regards to how I scan that line.
I am just so very grateful that you parsed my poem and found delight in it.
Much appreciation!
fondly,
diane
Comment from Katiemae1977
Congratulations on your nomination with this beautiful poem. It has a Robert Frost tone to it an d makes me want to go outside but Alas, I'm stuck bedridden in a nursing home.
I walked that path with you and felt like I experienced everything you did.
Bravo and good luck Mrs KT!
Luv&stuff
Katiemae1977
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2024
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Congratulations on your nomination with this beautiful poem. It has a Robert Frost tone to it an d makes me want to go outside but Alas, I'm stuck bedridden in a nursing home.
I walked that path with you and felt like I experienced everything you did.
Bravo and good luck Mrs KT!
Luv&stuff
Katiemae1977
Comment Written 03-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2024
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Dear Katiemae!
I am honored and humbled by your exceptional rating and thoughtful review.
I had no idea that you are bedridden in a nursing home! Sending you all of my positivity and healing strength your way! Stay strong!"
With fondness and all good wishes for your recovery!
diane
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And congratulations on your nomination as well for POM!
fondly,
diane
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Thank you Diane and you are most welcome!
Luv&stuff
Katiemae1977
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Thank you. Go figure though. It was a club entry, I didn't promote it and it only got a few reviews.
Comment from Senyai
Hi Diane,
Your beautiful poem is so comforting I felt I was there walking with you! Most lovely were your words traveling on the path so wide through Michigan's countryside. The way you presented your poem with embedded photos throughout the walk enhanced this gem greatly. The explanations and with videos captured my interest quickly. I want to go to Northern Michigan!
The rhyme scheme AABB was perfect for your lovely words to flow effortlessly down the page. Diane, congratulations on such a well deserved win for October's #1 poem
All the best,
Senyai
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2024
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Hi Diane,
Your beautiful poem is so comforting I felt I was there walking with you! Most lovely were your words traveling on the path so wide through Michigan's countryside. The way you presented your poem with embedded photos throughout the walk enhanced this gem greatly. The explanations and with videos captured my interest quickly. I want to go to Northern Michigan!
The rhyme scheme AABB was perfect for your lovely words to flow effortlessly down the page. Diane, congratulations on such a well deserved win for October's #1 poem
All the best,
Senyai
Comment Written 02-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2024
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Good evening, Senyai!
I am honored by your exceptional rating and thoughtful review.
I surely have taken many walks along "pathways wide" during this past year to clear my mind and heal my heart...
So very pleased my offering resonated with you!
And do come to northern Michigan = God's paradise!
Much appreciation!
fondly,
diane
Comment from rspoet
Hello Diane,
A marvelous poem of nature and life
with excellent description and colorful imagery of the season at its finest.
Autumn is a wonderland, if only winter did not follow.
The entire presentation is perfectly done.
I'm a bit behind in my reviews, but went back to find this one.
Well done.
Best wishes.
Robert
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2024
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Hello Diane,
A marvelous poem of nature and life
with excellent description and colorful imagery of the season at its finest.
Autumn is a wonderland, if only winter did not follow.
The entire presentation is perfectly done.
I'm a bit behind in my reviews, but went back to find this one.
Well done.
Best wishes.
Robert
Comment Written 31-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2024
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Hello, Robert!
Wonderful to hear from you!
I am honored by your exceptional rating and complimentary review.
Have spent a great deal of time lately walking those "pathways wide."
Restorative and healing; that is for certain!
Much appreciation,
fondly,
diane
Comment from Sanku
Oh! spectacular and you are lucky that you live amongst such enthralling nature .I liked the resident fox but Iliked the scolding blue jay):.
lovely poem .i could visualise the falling leaves and other beautiful description .Thank you for this treat!
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2024
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Oh! spectacular and you are lucky that you live amongst such enthralling nature .I liked the resident fox but Iliked the scolding blue jay):.
lovely poem .i could visualise the falling leaves and other beautiful description .Thank you for this treat!
Comment Written 26-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2024
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Good morning, Santha!
I am honored by your exceptional rating and complimentary review.
Our autumn here in northern Michigan has been glorious this year.
That reality has been just what I needed to escape the cacophony of a world that has seemingly "gone off its rails" in a number of areas.
Those "pathways wide" surely have healing powers.
Thank you again!
Much appreciation!
fondly,
diane
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World 'gone off its rails' is a true description .I dont know where all these missile and power hunger are leading ...
Comment from Y. M. Roger
So beautiful, my lady! I'm sitting outside in the fall breezes as I enjoy your tuneful offering... and it's just WONDERFUL!! ;) And ya gotta love that a pair of flickers is down there kicking up the leaves under the Sweet Gums!! :-) ;-) (they've got a nest up in the crop of Tulip Trees)... So good to read that wonderful Michigan pen again... take care up there and thanx for sharing! ;) Yvette
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2024
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So beautiful, my lady! I'm sitting outside in the fall breezes as I enjoy your tuneful offering... and it's just WONDERFUL!! ;) And ya gotta love that a pair of flickers is down there kicking up the leaves under the Sweet Gums!! :-) ;-) (they've got a nest up in the crop of Tulip Trees)... So good to read that wonderful Michigan pen again... take care up there and thanx for sharing! ;) Yvette
Comment Written 25-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2024
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Hello, Yvette!
So pleased you enjoyed!
We have experienced just a gorgeous autumn this year; thank goodness! I've needed "sweet release on pathways wide" more often than not given the state of our country's affairs. I think that darn blue jay knows I'm coming into his world though as he is constantly scolding me to go away! :)
Thank you again, Yvette!
fondly,
diane
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LOL!! My little nemesis (or nemesi - lol!) is a pair of wrens that REALLY give me the business even when I'm sitting on the bench near my feeders!! ;) It's a much longer Fall here than we've had in past years... usually it's HOT - then cool for about a week - then winter moves in.... but this year, we're already entering the second week of upper seventies in the day and mid fifties at night so I'm LOVIN it!! ;) Good to hear from you, too, my lady -- take care up there! ;) Yvette
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Diane,
A really nice nature poem here. I enjoyed it from start to finish. I believe you enjoy being out in nature as much as I do. I love my trail in Grand Bay where I've seen a moose, deer, a fox, turkeys, squirrels, woodpeckers, and chickadees.
A nice presentation! Let me pick out a few things I especially liked...
"My world is framed by fleeting days" ... (for the pairing of "framed/fleeting")
"Filled often by perplexing ways
That seep into my daily life
And cause their share of undo strife" ... (you use nature to calm your soul)
You continue this pursuit in the second verse...
"To sort my thoughts on pathways wide
And find a way to calm my fears
That echoed far; that hovered near"
"Of twirling, dancing crimson leaves
Cascading down in autumn breeze" ... ( I just wrote a 5-7-5 called "Descent" about falling leaves. I like the near rhyme of "breeze/leaves".)
And you wrote about the fox...
"Of red-tailed fox who lingered near
To lap fresh water without fear,
And though I stood within his sight,
He sensed I was not cause for flight"... (The fox I saw, while I was walking the trail, paid me no mind either. I watched him trotting between the railway tracks, and I sensed that he knew I was watching him. But he didn't turn his head my way as I stood on the trail. Later on, as I wondered where he was headed with such intent, it came to me... he was after those wild turkeys that have been hanging around Starkey's Garage.)
"And as I paused in silent awe
Of what I heard, and touched, and saw
I felt a calm come over me" ... (this is partly why I walk the trail so much. It's good for my heart, and I have a narrowed aortic valve. I was probably born with it. It's good for my lungs, and circulation. But it's also good for my mental state. It's calming! And I count the fairy doors, and "welcome" signs as I march along. Today, I did the 3 miles in 48 minutes and 37 seconds. It makes me feel good about myself.
"I bowed my head in thankful prayer
That I should still be roused to care;
May nature's pathways never cease
To fill my soul with sweet release..." ... (I appreciate your finale, too. You thank God for all of it. I often use my time on the trail to pray for people I know, even Fanstorians like Sally Law and Debi Marquette, Bill Schott and his wife, Jim Vecchio, and a few others.
Thanks for sharing, Diane!
{Oh, I almost forgot. I wondered about one line...
"On recent dawn, I stepped outside"
By any chance, did you mean to write "One recent dawn"?
Hugs,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2024
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Hi Diane,
A really nice nature poem here. I enjoyed it from start to finish. I believe you enjoy being out in nature as much as I do. I love my trail in Grand Bay where I've seen a moose, deer, a fox, turkeys, squirrels, woodpeckers, and chickadees.
A nice presentation! Let me pick out a few things I especially liked...
"My world is framed by fleeting days" ... (for the pairing of "framed/fleeting")
"Filled often by perplexing ways
That seep into my daily life
And cause their share of undo strife" ... (you use nature to calm your soul)
You continue this pursuit in the second verse...
"To sort my thoughts on pathways wide
And find a way to calm my fears
That echoed far; that hovered near"
"Of twirling, dancing crimson leaves
Cascading down in autumn breeze" ... ( I just wrote a 5-7-5 called "Descent" about falling leaves. I like the near rhyme of "breeze/leaves".)
And you wrote about the fox...
"Of red-tailed fox who lingered near
To lap fresh water without fear,
And though I stood within his sight,
He sensed I was not cause for flight"... (The fox I saw, while I was walking the trail, paid me no mind either. I watched him trotting between the railway tracks, and I sensed that he knew I was watching him. But he didn't turn his head my way as I stood on the trail. Later on, as I wondered where he was headed with such intent, it came to me... he was after those wild turkeys that have been hanging around Starkey's Garage.)
"And as I paused in silent awe
Of what I heard, and touched, and saw
I felt a calm come over me" ... (this is partly why I walk the trail so much. It's good for my heart, and I have a narrowed aortic valve. I was probably born with it. It's good for my lungs, and circulation. But it's also good for my mental state. It's calming! And I count the fairy doors, and "welcome" signs as I march along. Today, I did the 3 miles in 48 minutes and 37 seconds. It makes me feel good about myself.
"I bowed my head in thankful prayer
That I should still be roused to care;
May nature's pathways never cease
To fill my soul with sweet release..." ... (I appreciate your finale, too. You thank God for all of it. I often use my time on the trail to pray for people I know, even Fanstorians like Sally Law and Debi Marquette, Bill Schott and his wife, Jim Vecchio, and a few others.
Thanks for sharing, Diane!
{Oh, I almost forgot. I wondered about one line...
"On recent dawn, I stepped outside"
By any chance, did you mean to write "One recent dawn"?
Hugs,
Kimbob
Comment Written 24-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2024
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Hello, Kimbob!
What a thorough and thoughtful review.
So very much appreciated!
I am honored and humbled by your exceptional rating and review.
I labored long and hard over this one.
The poem began with these two stanzas that I wrote in my mind one night I could not sleep and developed into what I posted:
And in those hours of frosty morn
When fields lay bare of summer's corn,
And trees had shed their garbs of green,
I memorized each passing scene
Of twirling, dancing crimson leaves
Cascading down in autumn breeze
As chipmunks searched for acorns round
While flickers* made their drumming sound
~~~~~~~
A former colleague spent the day with me yesterday. She had not been to our home in at least five years due to bouts of cancer; she is now in remission.
She was in awe of autumn in my corner of the world. "So many leaves and chipmunks!" And then she added, "You are definitely in your own little world here!" (I had to laugh at that as she was forty-five minutes late having become lost on her way to me!) "You live in the boondocks!" Hah!
Initially, I wrote "One recent dawn" but switched to "On" in order to maintain the iambic meter...
Thank you again, Kimbob! Hoping that you, too continue to enjoy and savor and give thanks for "sweet release on pathways wide."
Much appreciation,
fondly,
diane
Comment from marilyn quillen
Absolutely beautiful, I'm not usually into poetry but something just told me to stop in here and I am very glad I did. I don't know what what else to sat but wow, I loved it, thank you for sharing it
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2024
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Absolutely beautiful, I'm not usually into poetry but something just told me to stop in here and I am very glad I did. I don't know what what else to sat but wow, I loved it, thank you for sharing it
Comment Written 23-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2024
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Hello, marilyn!
So pleased you enjoyed!
Thank you for stopping by and enjoying your visit!
diane
Comment from Gloria ....
This is a finely rhymed and metred poem illustrating the contrast between days not only a season passing, but also of a lifetime passing.
Yet among those thoughts the fields and woods are filled with joyful sounds.
A most pleasant way to reduce the loud noise of everyday worries.
Enjoyed this very much, Diane. :)
Gloria
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2024
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This is a finely rhymed and metred poem illustrating the contrast between days not only a season passing, but also of a lifetime passing.
Yet among those thoughts the fields and woods are filled with joyful sounds.
A most pleasant way to reduce the loud noise of everyday worries.
Enjoyed this very much, Diane. :)
Gloria
Comment Written 22-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2024
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Good morning, Gloria!
So pleased you stopped by!
Thank you for your exceptional rating and thoughtful review. I share your perspective: So many things in my/our lives are out of our control, yet nature's constancy to heal and bring peace continues to inspire me...
Much appreciation!
fondly,
diane
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Thanks for sharing the pictures, notes, and poem, diane.
-You did a really good job with the imagery, rhyme,
and smooth flow from scene to scene.
-The opening verses that set the stage
for all of the nature that surrounds you
and shows how it made a difference for you.
-One of my favorite lines is about the "crimson leaves."
-I like the verse about the fox and how it
sensed you wouldn't cause any harm.
-You do a great job sharing your
deep feelings about this experience
and how it made you look inward for
a sense of peace.
-This is an excellent poem that came from your heart.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2024
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-Thanks for sharing the pictures, notes, and poem, diane.
-You did a really good job with the imagery, rhyme,
and smooth flow from scene to scene.
-The opening verses that set the stage
for all of the nature that surrounds you
and shows how it made a difference for you.
-One of my favorite lines is about the "crimson leaves."
-I like the verse about the fox and how it
sensed you wouldn't cause any harm.
-You do a great job sharing your
deep feelings about this experience
and how it made you look inward for
a sense of peace.
-This is an excellent poem that came from your heart.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2024
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Hello, Pam!
I am honored by your exceptional rating and thoughtful review.
So very pleased my offering resonated with you.
Our autumn here in northern Michigan has been glorious... especially on those "pathways wide."
I was out and about all day today putting our gardens "to bed" and just enjoying the beauty that surrounded my husband and me. Tomorrow, cold weather arrives, but there still will be many opportunities to step outside and embrace the peacefulness that nature provides.
Thank you, Pam!
Much appreciation,
fondly,
diane
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You are very welcome and deserving of the stars and review, diane. Thanks for sharing in your reply. We have been having low temperatures at night and very warm during the day. Hope to get back to fall temperatures soon.