Courage to Leadership
Short story about the time a teenager who showed leadership2 total reviews
Comment from Julie Helms
Welcome to FanStory! For your first post you wrote a wonderful story about determination...you wanted something, so you did what it took to get it!
I have a couple suggestions to polish this up for contest:
Subtitle:Short story about the time a teenager who showed leadership
(I would shorten this to: A Teen Who Showed Leadership)
At this moment my heart began to race and I wondered
(Comma: ...race, and I...)
Making us run back and forth for about 20 minutes my Drill Instructor, Staff Sgt. Madison had taken us to our barracks.
(Comma: ...Instructor, Staff Sgt. Madison, had...)
(Last paragraph)but if you what is hard, continue to make sacrifices
(Missing word: but if you do what...)
Best of luck!
Julie
:-)
  |
Welcome to FanStory! For your first post you wrote a wonderful story about determination...you wanted something, so you did what it took to get it!
I have a couple suggestions to polish this up for contest:
Subtitle:Short story about the time a teenager who showed leadership
(I would shorten this to: A Teen Who Showed Leadership)
At this moment my heart began to race and I wondered
(Comma: ...race, and I...)
Making us run back and forth for about 20 minutes my Drill Instructor, Staff Sgt. Madison had taken us to our barracks.
(Comma: ...Instructor, Staff Sgt. Madison, had...)
(Last paragraph)but if you what is hard, continue to make sacrifices
(Missing word: but if you do what...)
Best of luck!
Julie
:-)
Comment Written 07-Oct-2024
Comment from RodG
Alma, let me congratulate you on your first milestone. It is an Impressive debut. It should appeal to all ages, especially those who aspire to be leaders. I especially like how you insert this theme in your narrative: Courage is not defined by possessing the strength to go on, but moving forward when you have no strength. Rod
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Alma, let me congratulate you on your first milestone. It is an Impressive debut. It should appeal to all ages, especially those who aspire to be leaders. I especially like how you insert this theme in your narrative: Courage is not defined by possessing the strength to go on, but moving forward when you have no strength. Rod
Comment Written 07-Oct-2024
