The Gambler
An unrecognized sacrifice4 total reviews
Comment from RJ Fuller
This is such a wonderful story! I truly enjoyed all the historical tidbits slipped in, like what what used as makeup. I felt bad for Lydia and her being in love with Edward, who seemed to be unsure of his love for her. At the end, I almost expected her have married Henry after all. :)
This was a fantastic read!!!
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2024
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This is such a wonderful story! I truly enjoyed all the historical tidbits slipped in, like what what used as makeup. I felt bad for Lydia and her being in love with Edward, who seemed to be unsure of his love for her. At the end, I almost expected her have married Henry after all. :)
This was a fantastic read!!!
Comment Written 23-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2024
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Thanks so much for your review. It was fun to write, trying to see if the story could fit the knowable true facts. Your review is very encouraging!
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I can't wait to read more, Sharon!! :)
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Congulations on your first milestone post. You're brave to attempt a contest right off the bat. This is an excellent entry to start with. Good luck with the contest.
and I know that she considered that almost an engagement. (you can omit 'that', it's an extra word and not needed)
She did not speak, so after a moment I continued. "Once you (comma after 'continued,')
"It sounds risky to me. What if he is so blinded that he still prefers you?"
"In that event, we will do what in my business is called surrender. I will refuse him, you will comfort him, and the two of you will still be together at the end of the story." (space needed between the two dialogues)
Edward arrived the next evening and found Henry on my porch swing, (the following evening)
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2024
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Congulations on your first milestone post. You're brave to attempt a contest right off the bat. This is an excellent entry to start with. Good luck with the contest.
and I know that she considered that almost an engagement. (you can omit 'that', it's an extra word and not needed)
She did not speak, so after a moment I continued. "Once you (comma after 'continued,')
"It sounds risky to me. What if he is so blinded that he still prefers you?"
"In that event, we will do what in my business is called surrender. I will refuse him, you will comfort him, and the two of you will still be together at the end of the story." (space needed between the two dialogues)
Edward arrived the next evening and found Henry on my porch swing, (the following evening)
Comment Written 16-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2024
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Thanks so much for your sharp-eyed review! It's really helpful and I appreciate the time you took to look so carefully.
Comment from Chloe Tully
Wow, great writing I must say was a bit of a read but I loved it.. great job keep up the good work can't wait for the next piece. Great job Never stop writing
Chloe
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2024
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Wow, great writing I must say was a bit of a read but I loved it.. great job keep up the good work can't wait for the next piece. Great job Never stop writing
Chloe
Comment Written 16-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2024
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Your encouraging words are very much appreciated. It really was a bit of a read - and a bit of a write as well!
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Your welcome
Comment from Saki the Artist
Wow! This was insanely well-written! I could've believed it was an excerpt from an American classic.
The switching of narrators was a little awkward at first but it was fine once I got into the flow of it. I think it can help to use bold font whenever you switch characters, and maybe add a colon after the name. Or maybe you can find some other creative way to indicate the transitions.
I have very, very few criticisms of this work. I found only a few very minor typos, listed below:
"You know who I am."
(should be a question mark)
"It make newspapers throughout the west when a would-be robber accosted her one night."
(Should be "made")
"A note found by her side stated that she was ' tired or life.'"
(Should be "of")
I can't believe this is your first post! You must have lots of experience as a writer before joining FanStory, or you're extremely talented. Welcome =)
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2024
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Wow! This was insanely well-written! I could've believed it was an excerpt from an American classic.
The switching of narrators was a little awkward at first but it was fine once I got into the flow of it. I think it can help to use bold font whenever you switch characters, and maybe add a colon after the name. Or maybe you can find some other creative way to indicate the transitions.
I have very, very few criticisms of this work. I found only a few very minor typos, listed below:
"You know who I am."
(should be a question mark)
"It make newspapers throughout the west when a would-be robber accosted her one night."
(Should be "made")
"A note found by her side stated that she was ' tired or life.'"
(Should be "of")
I can't believe this is your first post! You must have lots of experience as a writer before joining FanStory, or you're extremely talented. Welcome =)
Comment Written 15-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2024
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Your review gave me a lot of encouragement! Thanks for your close observation. I really appreciate your help.
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Of course. A good reviewer should always pay attention to what they're reading. Looking forward to reading more from you =)
