Packy
Depredation on the frontier31 total reviews
Comment from Claire Tennant
Congratulations, Jim. This had me spellbound, as it were. The story created wonderful images. I could almost smell the smoke and indeed the supper. I'm looking forward to reading more some day.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2024
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Congratulations, Jim. This had me spellbound, as it were. The story created wonderful images. I could almost smell the smoke and indeed the supper. I'm looking forward to reading more some day.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2024
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You could be a TENNANT in my home anytime!
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Thanks, Jim I was a Millar before marriage, but I appreciate the sentiment Blessings
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The best I can do is: "MILLAR, FILL MORE of this site with your words!"
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Oh Jim you may not know what you have done to bless and help me these last few months; Jesus does. I think I have my Dad's gift of writing, but I need my Tom's patience nearly every day. Thank you for what you do both as a reviewer, author and of course, "pen" friend. Claire
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I appreciate your kind words and your writing!
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Thank you Jim May you have a blessed Easter
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Thanks. Same to you and your loved ones!
Comment from Barry Penfold
A really good story. Packy, will live in my memory for a long time. Good story line and dialogue. Deserves the placing in the contest. Thanks for sharing and take care.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
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A really good story. Packy, will live in my memory for a long time. Good story line and dialogue. Deserves the placing in the contest. Thanks for sharing and take care.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
Comment Written 23-Mar-2024
Comment from RJ Fuller
Hi Jim! I love this story! I ran late from lunch reading it... I'm especially fond of the secret the boy and his maw kept, how intelligent he was (wise for his years, is how I pictured him). Packy was quite the character... fantastic writing!!! :)
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Hi Jim! I love this story! I ran late from lunch reading it... I'm especially fond of the secret the boy and his maw kept, how intelligent he was (wise for his years, is how I pictured him). Packy was quite the character... fantastic writing!!! :)
Comment Written 22-Mar-2024
Comment from LJbutterfly
This story flowed smoothly, moved quickly, was compelling and entertaining. Based on your descriptions, it was easy to envision the house, barn, woods, Packy, and Indians. I'm from the era of cowboy and Indian movies.
Congratulations on placing in the contest. It is well deserved.
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This story flowed smoothly, moved quickly, was compelling and entertaining. Based on your descriptions, it was easy to envision the house, barn, woods, Packy, and Indians. I'm from the era of cowboy and Indian movies.
Congratulations on placing in the contest. It is well deserved.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2024
Comment from karenina
A well told tale that reads quickly. I guess we all forgot that the Native Americans were here first...
Calling it white mans land is like modern day entitlement... but that's what happened!
Not sure if Packs was a downright liar or had what would be today, called PTSD...
The ending is sad, but predictable given Packy's "reality."
A few little edits:
"Packy said it was for the best, the no Injun would..."
THAT no Injun?
"At night, when he though maw was asleep..."
THOUGHT maw?
Best of luck in the contest!
Karenina
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2024
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A well told tale that reads quickly. I guess we all forgot that the Native Americans were here first...
Calling it white mans land is like modern day entitlement... but that's what happened!
Not sure if Packs was a downright liar or had what would be today, called PTSD...
The ending is sad, but predictable given Packy's "reality."
A few little edits:
"Packy said it was for the best, the no Injun would..."
THAT no Injun?
"At night, when he though maw was asleep..."
THOUGHT maw?
Best of luck in the contest!
Karenina
Comment Written 11-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2024
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Thanks! I appreciate your tips. I posted another western today. If you read it, I'd appreciate any typos you may find!
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I'll do my best to get over there today.
Doctor's appts! Ugh!
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Please take care of yourself. Your life means more than a review. I need you to be well!
Comment from Julie Helms
You describe a very tough time to be alive. I'm sure it was not as black-and-white as each side saw it. Your accent gives an authentic feel to it.
Some suggestions for your consideration:
He pulled that stubborn old mule of his and I broke up (his, and I)
slight kiss on her cheek, (cheek.)
had his head scalped by a tomahawk and his stories (tomahawk, and his stories)
Twere the sheriff what told me! ('Twere)
the no Injun would deprive him of the family he loved. (that no Injun)
Every time Maw, Paw, and Son is used in place of a name, it should be capitalized.
Good luck in the contest! Julie
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2024
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You describe a very tough time to be alive. I'm sure it was not as black-and-white as each side saw it. Your accent gives an authentic feel to it.
Some suggestions for your consideration:
He pulled that stubborn old mule of his and I broke up (his, and I)
slight kiss on her cheek, (cheek.)
had his head scalped by a tomahawk and his stories (tomahawk, and his stories)
Twere the sheriff what told me! ('Twere)
the no Injun would deprive him of the family he loved. (that no Injun)
Every time Maw, Paw, and Son is used in place of a name, it should be capitalized.
Good luck in the contest! Julie
Comment Written 11-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2024
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Thanks so much! I'll try to make the corrections now. I just posted another western. If you happen to read it, please let me know if you find any typos.
Comment from Bill Schott
This is a terrific western story with the implication of hostile hatred that served as an excuse to kill "Injuns" wherever and whenever they were spotted. The subtle allowance that Packy's stories supported his actions became clearer.
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2024
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This is a terrific western story with the implication of hostile hatred that served as an excuse to kill "Injuns" wherever and whenever they were spotted. The subtle allowance that Packy's stories supported his actions became clearer.
Comment Written 10-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2024
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Thank you for your very kind words!
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
Hi Jim,
This was a very good tale of the old west, where a man took on a family and tried to live a normal life with them. Unfortunately, he seemed to have been afflicted with PTSD from years of fighting Comanche. Apparently, his condition got worse and paranoia so pronounced that he was no longer able to function.
Great story,
Best of luck in the contest,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2024
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Hi Jim,
This was a very good tale of the old west, where a man took on a family and tried to live a normal life with them. Unfortunately, he seemed to have been afflicted with PTSD from years of fighting Comanche. Apparently, his condition got worse and paranoia so pronounced that he was no longer able to function.
Great story,
Best of luck in the contest,
Rhonda
Comment Written 10-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2024
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Many thanks, my second favorite Rhonda!
Comment from Daylily
This is a fast-paced and strong writing. It is a good example of the rough times back in the Old West. However, it appears that todays society is getting to be just as rough with injustices done daily. You are very good at writing exciting postings, my friend.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2024
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This is a fast-paced and strong writing. It is a good example of the rough times back in the Old West. However, it appears that todays society is getting to be just as rough with injustices done daily. You are very good at writing exciting postings, my friend.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2024
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I'm very thankful for your kind words.
Comment from Harambe Unchained
I want you to know, I don't blame Packy for what he did. <= powerful, effective foreshadowing
too horrid to speak of. <= horrid is really English sounding. Since this story presumably takes place in the Americas, I suggest: horrific
Commanch'came <= needs a space
Packy and his pards <= not sure what this word means?
On another time, <= another time, or on another occasion,
You might want an extra space or line of some sort before "September 2024". Neat concept of using both the past and future in your story.
This piece has a very memorable and sorrowful ending. It tricks the reader into thinking the bad thing Packy did was killing bad guys, which makes the ending more shocking, and resonates with the experiences of scarred combat veterans. Really great work.
Regards,
Harambe (for President)
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2024
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I want you to know, I don't blame Packy for what he did. <= powerful, effective foreshadowing
too horrid to speak of. <= horrid is really English sounding. Since this story presumably takes place in the Americas, I suggest: horrific
Commanch'came <= needs a space
Packy and his pards <= not sure what this word means?
On another time, <= another time, or on another occasion,
You might want an extra space or line of some sort before "September 2024". Neat concept of using both the past and future in your story.
This piece has a very memorable and sorrowful ending. It tricks the reader into thinking the bad thing Packy did was killing bad guys, which makes the ending more shocking, and resonates with the experiences of scarred combat veterans. Really great work.
Regards,
Harambe (for President)
Comment Written 09-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2024
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Pards are partners or sidekicks. Thank you for the other suggestions, which I will try to edit in.
